[In a way, he's glad that Murdoc can't bring himself to make eye contact. Because after all of that, he has a hard time being able to look him in the eye, too, and he finds himself looking everywhere but his eyes. As he waits for Murdoc to speak, he can feel the anxiety growing. He's fucking terrified that this is going to screw things up. That admitting all of that was a bad idea, that Murdoc is going to think it's silly of him to feel so strongly. He wouldn't be able to handle it, if that were the case. It would completely destroy any confidence he has in his own feelings- which isn't a whole lot in the first place. Basically a part of him is just... scared that his feelings are going to be invalidated. And they're so rocky right now that it would just not be good for him.
When Murdoc begins speaking, though, he can slowly feel those fears going away. Slowly, but it's a start. They're comforting- far more than one would think they would be. He shouldn't be comforted by the fact that he was vulnerable. That's one of the things he's always tried not to be. But damn if he isn't glad he was, because otherwise none of this would be happening if that hadn't happened. He's never been more grateful for once stupid moment of vulnerability, and his lips twitch into a smile at the memory. How confused he'd been that night... How conflicted. He hadn't known what the hell he'd wanted. But now he does. The memory is such a huge contrast to how he feels now that it's just... amusing, in a weird, masochistic kind of way.
When Murdoc grips his hand, his fingers twitch against Murdoc's chest, and his eyes flick towards Murdoc's for a moment. At those words, he feels even better. It's hard for him to believe, given how strongly he feels about it. But it's becoming easier to believe the more he hears it, even if there's still a part of him that wants to cling onto the belief that he's nothing more than a burden. Still, though, he's really glad to know that Murdoc thinks he's making things better.
It's Murdoc's last few words, though, that really get to him the most. That really just... make him feel like it was all worth it. Coming here, expressing all of the stupid thoughts he'd been afraid to express. It means that he isn't stupid for feeling this way. That Murdoc feels similarly. It's a really damn good feeling, and one that just leaves him speechless in the best way possible. He wanted to say something, though. He couldn't just... not. But it felt like there just weren't words to express how he felt. Some languages professor he was turning out to be, goddamn.
So that's when he decided to just... do something that he really hoped would be able to convey it; he tilted his head up and pressed his lips to Murdoc's, pulling his hand out from under the other man's so that he could wrap his arms around Murdoc's neck, pressing himself closer. He didn't move to deepen it, instead focusing on just trying to convey they intensity and the feelings he had. That it was really good to hear those things, and that he's just really fucking happy. Because he is. He can't remember feeling as happy and as relieved as he is right now ever.]
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When Murdoc begins speaking, though, he can slowly feel those fears going away. Slowly, but it's a start. They're comforting- far more than one would think they would be. He shouldn't be comforted by the fact that he was vulnerable. That's one of the things he's always tried not to be. But damn if he isn't glad he was, because otherwise none of this would be happening if that hadn't happened. He's never been more grateful for once stupid moment of vulnerability, and his lips twitch into a smile at the memory. How confused he'd been that night... How conflicted. He hadn't known what the hell he'd wanted. But now he does. The memory is such a huge contrast to how he feels now that it's just... amusing, in a weird, masochistic kind of way.
When Murdoc grips his hand, his fingers twitch against Murdoc's chest, and his eyes flick towards Murdoc's for a moment. At those words, he feels even better. It's hard for him to believe, given how strongly he feels about it. But it's becoming easier to believe the more he hears it, even if there's still a part of him that wants to cling onto the belief that he's nothing more than a burden. Still, though, he's really glad to know that Murdoc thinks he's making things better.
It's Murdoc's last few words, though, that really get to him the most. That really just... make him feel like it was all worth it. Coming here, expressing all of the stupid thoughts he'd been afraid to express. It means that he isn't stupid for feeling this way. That Murdoc feels similarly. It's a really damn good feeling, and one that just leaves him speechless in the best way possible. He wanted to say something, though. He couldn't just... not. But it felt like there just weren't words to express how he felt. Some languages professor he was turning out to be, goddamn.
So that's when he decided to just... do something that he really hoped would be able to convey it; he tilted his head up and pressed his lips to Murdoc's, pulling his hand out from under the other man's so that he could wrap his arms around Murdoc's neck, pressing himself closer. He didn't move to deepen it, instead focusing on just trying to convey they intensity and the feelings he had. That it was really good to hear those things, and that he's just really fucking happy. Because he is. He can't remember feeling as happy and as relieved as he is right now ever.]