[See now there's something he can grasp onto. There's something that can swaaay the subject away from him and his fucked up excuse for a romantic life.]

Excuse me, but that's some bullshit. I know exactly how you got the friends you have. By being your goddamn awesome sugoi as fuck self, that's how. You think anyone would be friends with you if you were at maximum awesomeocity? Nope. So it's all on you, bro. You're the cool kid, it is you.