☠ 003

[ficklefuckwit]

[There are a lot of inkblots, like Jake is tapping his pen against the paper rapid-fire. Then there's an entire green smear across the page, like he knocked his entire thing of ink over onto it. Finally, there are words.]

Confound it i just cant stop shaking.
Dirk roxy i need to speak with you both posthaste im in a bit of a tizz here.

[He makes an attempt at a filter, but fails splendiforously at it.]

What would be a good halloween costume to pair with a flapper?

Comments

[ficklefuckwit]

[Blink.]

You have a cousin named Rose? [He pauses and frowns. Well the coloration is vaguely similar, he supposes... Pale hair and pale skin... He goes a little pale, himself.] She... wouldn't happen to be a fourth year Slytherin, would she?

I'll return it without a thread harmed, of course. Who's getting married?

[givesyouaboner]

_{[He's giving him the blankest of stares right now.]}

Rose Lalonde. She's Dave's sister. I don't think there's another fourth year Slytherin named Rose.

Professor Donoghue and Professor Matteris. There's been several announcements about it on the journals.

[ficklefuckwit]

[...Wow. Jake fancies Dirk's cousin. Who is Dave Strider's sister. He stares at the sheets.]

...well this is a bit awkward.

--Ah, yes. I wasn't sure if you meant them or someone different.

[givesyouaboner]

_{[Give him a minute to mentally run through the conversation, because he doesn't see how this is awkward. And then it hits him like a ton of bricks. He almost gapes, but he locks his jaw instead.]}

Obviously you need to marry her, then you can be part of my family. I'd rather see this than the other. 'Cause teachers getting married is weird. I mean, with the exception of my uncle, it's always kinda like... teachers are robots. Their purpose is teach and stuff. They're like... robots, and don't exist outside of teaching.

_{[Halfway through this he might've started mumbling. A+ for social awkwardness?]}

[ficklefuckwit]

[Jake balks.]

[And his jaw hangs open for a while. Because what? Marry Rose? Are you insane, man?? I mean, sure, Jake thinks it pretty swell to be part of Dirk's family, that would rock his fancy little trouser socks, but good golly this is Rose they're talking about! She'd never marry a hack like him!]

[He snaps his jaw shut and frowns a little.]

Teachers aren't robots, Dirk, you're being quite silly.

[givesyouaboner]

_{[Who really cares about that? Dirk's age is showing. He doesn't want to be logical about this. He just wants Jake to be a legit bro like Dave. That'd be sweet. Hold on, he's trying to imagine Jake as a Strider.]}

How do you know? They could be androids and hiding beneath silicon skin or something. What if.

[ficklefuckwit]

[Dirk no that is a terrible idea Jake would make a really awful Strider. This would not end well for anyone.]

[He just laughs, though. Dirk has successfully, and possibly unintentionally, diffused his nerves. He flops sideways.]

Well for one thing, one of them is your uncle.

[givesyouaboner]

_{[Dirk is completely 0k with this. They're kids and it's healthy for them to crack up and be silly, although this isn't something he's thinking about at all.]}

True. But what if he just short circuited and that's why he seems more human than the other teachers. What if he's been a robot all along and Dave hasn't known this entire time. Maybe all the adults are robots and we were all just taken from our biological creators and placed into robotic care.

[ficklefuckwit]

Does that mean we're going to grow up to become robots? How does that work?

[givesyouaboner]

Maybe. Or maybe robots take our bodies and use them as a disguise.

[ficklefuckwit]

[Jake just pushes at him gently.]

You're ridiculous.

[givesyouaboner]

_{[He's trying not to laugh.]}

But Jake. Jake. Think about it. What if robots rule the world. What if this is all just an illusion and we're really being grown and harvested by robots.

[ficklefuckwit]

[Jake takes this moment to shove him over and lay on him.]

Generally I'm the one coming up with the ridiculous theories like this, have we switched brains, too? Oh no! It's the robots, Dirk.

[givesyouaboner]

_{[Dirk play swats at him, but now that there's a Jake on him, he can't stop the laughter. Don't judge him.]}

The transition has already started! Soon we'll just be their servants! No more free will for us.

[ficklefuckwit]

Oh noooooo. [He rolls around with Dirk, feigning dismay.]

[givesyouaboner]

_{[He shrieks, rolling too. Careful, or they'll fall off the bed.]}

What ever will we do!

[ficklefuckwit]

Oh no-- Dirk! Dirk I think I'm turning into a robot!!

[He starts doing a hilarious disjointed thing where he moves his arms like a broken toaster.] Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!!

[givesyouaboner]

_{[That girly screech is definitely not coming from Dirk's mouth.]}

Oh no! Jake! Don't turn--

-- Imminent destruction of humanity is now in progress.