13.5 Smuppets; Filtered to Dave and Cronus

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Filtered to Cronus]

Yo, middle Ampora. Cronus. I got some stuff to discuss with you that might be relevant to a few of your interests, if you have some time to spare. Which is to say, you better have time to spare because chances like this do not come around except once in a lifetime, so you better fucking take advantage of it.

[/Filter]

[Filtered to Dave]

Dave Smuppet Fucker Strider, get your ass over here. I have a proposition for you. Well I guess I should add please.

Please get your ass over here.

[/Filter]

Comments

[greaselightning]

vwhats up chief, im all ears.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Good. Alright.

I'm not sure where to start.

What's your top priority; dating or muggles?

[greaselightning]

vwhat a question.
though if im being honest here, id say dating. vwhy?

[plushaeusrumpified]

I know, right? It's so tough.

[So much sarcasm in that. Thankfully Cronus picks the one he'd hoped he would pick, because if Cronus picked Muggles, that would be really fucking strange to Bro. Dating is superior forever.]

I may or may not be willing to set you up this Valentine's day. Free of charge, no strings attached. You just gotta show the proper amount of enthusiasm and hero worship.

[greaselightning]

really?
vwowv.
VWOWV, thatd be great! id be vwilling to showv you evwery ounce of enthusiasm and hero vworship required if youre being straight vwith me about this.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I can absolutely and positively assure you that I'm being nothing but completely straight with you. No homo here, bro.

Well alright, maybe a little homo. The person in question has a few extra inches, but that's no problem right? You seem like the type that swings both ways. [Read: desperate enough to do that.] But that's all I'm telling you. Because you're goin' in blind. It'd be no fun if I told you who it was, would it?

You won't be disappointed though, I promise you that.

[greaselightning]

youre right about that champ. i dont really havwe a preference either vway, cats and kittens are all the same to me. all equally attractivwe.

but a blind date? groovwy.
i dont havwe a problem vwith that, makes it all the more exciting, to be honest.

i hope vwhoevwer it is, is ready to be svwept off their feet by the coolest cat theyll evwer meet.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Excellent, exactly what I wanted to hear.

He's totally fucking ready. As far as ready goes, his body is primed and set for this date like no one ever has been before. Sparks will fly and there'll be bells ringin' before either of you know it.

[strideallknight]

where
i cant magically find you dude the professors dont allow that shit
plus i dont know the spell and id have to look it up
im not really in the mood for research thanks to rhydderichs homework assignment

[plushaeusrumpified]

I meant right here. In this entry. So good job, you got your ass here. And you could always just blow his shit off, it's not like anything bad would happen except maybe a detention or something.

Anyway.

You're single right?

[strideallknight]

i think the only potential spell i could theoretically get away with is using the filtration spell on you
and even then i think id only get a free pass from professor donoghue

yep
i am indeed woefully single
why are we bringing this up

[plushaeusrumpified]

You wouldn't dare filter me. Because if you did, I wouldn't bother doing what I'm planning on doing.

Which is setting you up on a date this V-day.

That's the reason I'm bringing this up.

[strideallknight]

wait what
setting me up
with who

[plushaeusrumpified]

It's a blind date and I can't disclose that information. But you won't be disappointed, he's an A+ kinda guy. You'll get along fucking awesomely. I wouldn't be doin' this if I thought it wouldn't work out. Nah, I'm confident you're both gonna be totally into each other, man.

[strideallknight]

right
if you say so
ill see for myself on valentines day as to whether hes a+ material i guess
where is this date being held at and where am i meeting this dude
also how will i know who im looking for
or even how hell know who hes looking for if i get there early

[plushaeusrumpified]

Wow you're overthinking this one, man. Just relax and leave it to me. I'll get it all fuckin' figured out! You think I'd go through the trouble of doing this and just leave you floundering around trying to find him? Nah, I'll make sure you'll both get to where you need to be.

It's a restaurant in Hogsmeade, I'll get you two a booth in the back so you can't be bothered. You just go in and the staff'll have everything covered.