Nine-Point-Five Smuppets; Text; Private to Murdoc

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Well it's safe to say he's kinda nervous. It's been a shitty week and this is something he's wanted to do ever since right after his swimming lesson with Murdoc when he mentioned needing more than a kiss to win him. With all the shit that had interfered since then, it's been delayed too many times. A part of him is afraid that, given the aforementioned shitty week, Murdoc turning him down would only make it that much shittier. But... in the effort to turn it around and make it not shitty, he's decided to just take the risk. Because it has all of the potential to make him really goddamn happy.

Sad, too... But still. The potential for happiness is there.

But still again, he's really freaking nervous ugh.]

Attention. Attention.

Would one ~*Murdoc Donoghue*~ report to this entry ASAP.

Please and thank you.

Comments

[plushaeusrumpified]

Honey, I invented sex euphemisms. I'm like the beginning and the end of sex. The alpha and omega of sexhood. I wrote the fucking sex bible. On the 7th day, I nearly destroyed the earth with my godly banging. Any sex joke or euphemism that exists today is all thanks to me.

True fact.

[wwistful]

I'm older than you, so I find that a little hard to believe, darling.

[plushaeusrumpified]

How do you know I'm not way older than you originally thought? You don't even know how old I am, do you? I could be a thousand year old vampire for all you know.

[wwistful]

I was an auror, Strider. I'd be doing a pretty poor job if I couldn't figure out that you're a vampire by now.

If I didn't know you had a fourteen year old son and daughter and that I've slept with you I'd say you're around thirteen. Mentally, anyway.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Or maybe you're just rusty, did you ever think about that?

If I didn't know any better I'd say you're a crotchety old man trapped in a hot young body.

Wait, I'm still skeptical on that.

[wwistful]

I am not rusty. I've hardly been retired for a year and you don't just forget things like that.

Skeptical on which part, exactly?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Yeah, yeah, you know I'm just kidding, man. I'm sure your vampire radar is better than anybody in this castle.

About whether or not you're a crotchety old man in a younger body.

[wwistful]

You flatter me so. You are, of course, correct.

I'm not going to argue that.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Are there any vamps in here right now? Your sparkle senses tingling at all?

If that's the case, how old are you mentally?

[wwistful]

Do you really think I'd tell you even if I knew?

Oh, well over a thousand, I imagine.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Why the hell wouldn't you? Don't i have the right to know who's a freaky supernatural glitterbomb?

You are such a goddamn cradle robber. By your perception of me, wouldn't that make all this mental pedophilia?

[wwistful]

I respect their privacy, that's why. What does glitter have to do with anything?

We're physically close in age, it's not the same.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Since when do vampires in a school have a right to privacy? And come on, have you seriously never heard of Twilight?

Mental pedophilia is just as serious an offense as physical, Murdoc.

[wwistful]

Since they're entitled to privacy as much as any other person, I suppose.

It's a time of day, of course I've heard of it. What does it have to do with glitter.

I didn't think it was if it were entirely consensual.

[plushaeusrumpified]

In all seriousness though, do vamps really have the right to privacy? I mean, don't I as a teacher have the right to know whether or not I'm at risk of somebody coming in for a midnight snack?

You'll find out when you're ready.

Pedophilia is never okay, Murdoc. Gosh.

[wwistful]

If they weren't fit to be professors they wouldn't be here. Take your complaints to Dumbledore if you're so bloody concerned. Honestly.

I'm ready now. Tell me.

I don't see you complaining.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I never said it was an actual complaint, I was just saying. Obviously I trust Dumbledore's judgment, but still. Vampires aren't something to take lightly, are they?

I don't think you are.

I'm not, but I want you to at least acknowledge the gravity of this pedophiliac situation.

I just invented a new word, hot damn.

[wwistful]

I've seen worse than vampires. They're fairly tame, when they're good.

I am. Stop stalling.

What if I refuse to?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Well I guess you're the expert. I still don't understand why you can't just tell me who they are, though. It's not like I'm gonna go around with garlic around my neck out of paranoia. Or a stake and hammer. That would just be stupid.

I'm not stalling, I just don't think you're ready for the complex nature of sparkly vampires.

Then I guess I have to accept the fact that I'm going on a date with someone who likes breaking the law. I think I can get over it though, with time. It's not something that's easy to come to terms with, though!

[wwistful]

I don't think you'd like it if I did tell you. Through no fault of your own I'm fairly certain you'd begin to act strangely around them. Such is human nature.

Then you aren't ready for the complex nature of knowing who the real vampires are.

It's not breaking the law you bloody idiot.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Fine. One day you'll be ready, and I'll tell you the deal about sparkly vampires. When you find out, then you have to tell me who the vampires are at the school.

Says the lawbreaker himself.

[wwistful]

How will you know when I'm ready? Why is it so important?

I am NOT a lawbreaker.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Patience, young Padawan.

You realize that I'm just kidding, right? I thought we were both on the same page here. Of course you're not a fucking pedophilia, I'm not stupid.

[wwistful]

What is a padawan?

I do. You're just making me feel old.

[plushaeusrumpified]

It's someone training to be a Jedi! God, Murdoc, do you know anything?

Oh. Well it's not like I meant to. I was just kidding, I didn't think you'd take it as a dig at your age or anything.

Sorry.