sortinghat_rp | 11 ♒

[Murdoc frowns down at the desk for a long moment. He knows damn well what's wrong, but he doesn't know how to say it. He's gone. Snow is gone. THAT'S GOOD. The wedding is off. That's for the best. What he didn't want to talk about, the part that really seemed to hurt the most, is the fact that she had gone too.

He clears his throat, finding himself unable to look up at Dirk properly. He stares idly at the papers on the desk while speaking, finding it easier.]

He's gone. Snow, I mean. [His voice is soft, a little raspy too.] She left too.

Edited 2012-11-30 12:06 (UTC)

[Waiting for Murdoc to speak is pretty agonizing. The entire time, Bro is just going through all of the possible scenarios in his head. Like an idiot, he keeps thinking about whether Murdoc is about to end things between them. It's a stupid conclusion to keep jumping to, but he's that much of a pessimist. He isn't prepared for what Murdoc actually says, though. And at first, he has a total kneejerk reaction of disbelief, because why the hell would Murdoc be sad about that of all things?

And then he adds the last part, and Bro knows exactly who he means. That's the part Murdoc is actually upset about. As much as it pains him, Bro can understand why Murdoc would be upset. If the situation were reversed, he would feel the same way. The selfish part of him is a little upset, but he knows better than to make any kind of deal over it. First and foremost, Murdoc is clearly hurting and he wants to make that go away. And the more he thinks about it, the easier it is to focus on that. Because she's gone... she's not a threat anymore. That makes him happy. As jealous as he is that Murdoc's so upset over it, he realizes he can get over that. Because Murdoc can get over her.

What a selfish asshole he's turning out to be.]

Why'd she leave?

[Because he actually is legitimately curious about that. It doesn't make sense to him. Snow's gone, they're not forced to be married. The whole point of it was so Sybille could keep her job and not get deported. So why leave so soon after the threat was gone? Why cause so much trouble for the two of them and then just run off? It just proved how selfish she was, in his mind. And maybe that made him an asshole, but he can't help the resentment he has towards her for everything she ended up doing to Murdoc. The man who was loyal to her until the end, and then she left. Yeah, that resentment ain't going anywhere.

But a second or two after speaking, he realizes maybe that wasn't the best thing to ask. Talking about it like that, going into detail, it's probably not going to be good for Murdoc when it's already painful. So he just shakes his head, letting out a small sigh before reaching out and placing a hand on Murdoc's arm.]

Doesn't matter. Are you alright?

[Murdoc knows Dirk hasn't got much reason to be upset about this. He wishes he did, he wishes they had both had more time. He also understands why Dirk might be a little displeased with Murdoc coming to him of all people. He feels a little stupid, actually. Is he expecting sympathy and comfort out of Dirk of all people? Why is he putting all of this on him now? God. He's felt nothing but selfish for the past few months.

He recoils a little, trying to think of a way to backtrack out of the conversation. He doesn't respond to the first question with any words, that would make backtracking a hell of a lot harder and honestly? He has no idea why she left but he sure as hell doesn't want to spread any sort of rumor that might harm her reputation. Though it's very tempting and a long time ago he would have done so without a single thought. Now it just seems childish.

She's gone. He needs to accept it.

He's a little lost in thought by the time Dirk touches his arm. It surprises him, but he doesn't jump or hesitate. The touch feels good, comforting even. It surprises him more because he'd been so quick to assume Dirk wouldn't care. Clearly he's underselling someone who by this point is one of the most important people in his life and that makes him feel even worse.

He nods slowly, still thinking things over too much to verbalise anything intense, so he just curls his lips up a little into a fake smile.]

I'll be alright.

[That smile doesn't fool Bro at all. He knows better. He isn't doubting Murdoc's words- he knows that, in time, Murdoc will be alright. But that's just it. It's going to take time, and until that happens he knows how it feels. That's what he's worried about right now, above all things, is how Murdoc feels now. Thinking about how he must be hurting is depressing as fuck, and it just makes him feel even worse for multiple reasons. But it does accomplish one thing- it makes him realize that he never wants to hurt him like this. He's never going to pull a Sybille and just leave Murdoc. He's never going to make the same mistake he himself made with Roxanne.

Which means giving into the selfishness by staying with him. Because even despite everything, he still feels like he's selfish for staying. In a way, it's a lot like how he felt with Roxanne. He's starting to feel like Murdoc deserves someone better. But he doesn't have the strength in himself to do anything, nor does he have the heart to hurt Murdoc. Not after this. He can't be the one to make Murdoc look so damn miserable.]

I know you will...

[But he knows you're not now, and he wants to somehow make it better. He just... doesn't know how. He rubs his thumb over Murdoc's arm gently as he tries to think of something to say.]

I know it's hard. But you're right. You will be, because in the end, I was. It took a while... But there's a key difference. For over ten years, I didn't have you.

[Basically he's trying to say that he's here for you, without sounding like a cocky douchebag by saying 'At least you have me'. Because he really just doesn't want to assume that his presence is gonna help that much. He can hope, though, at least.]

[Murdoc isn't hurting all that much right now. Mostly because he just...can't really believe any of this is happening. The wedding being called off had been a relief, so much so that it made him feel very much detached from all the shit he'd gone through these past few months.

When Sybille left, the hurt hadn't had time to sink in. He felt sort of weighed down after such a brief moment of freedom. He felt bitter and selfish about his desires for her to say, but he wasn't sure how horrible he felt. Things are simpler now, he keeps trying to tell himself that. He knows in a few weeks he's going to miss her terribly.

Carefully, he pries Dirk's hand off his arm and for a moment it might seem as if he's trying to get him to stop touching him. Until he presses his face against the palm, that is. As if he's sort of hiding against his hand. Mmh, yes. So much better than facing things. He shuts his eyes with a small hum.

After a moment, he opens his eyes again and flicks them upward to look at Dirk. He's not better. He's really, really not better. He's going to mope about this for days, but... He has the ability to be happy, right? He has the right to be. He just needs to remember why he is.

His lips curl up again and it's still not a proper smile, but it's closer than before.]

I'm goin' to have you for a long time, aren't I? [He asks, but the tone of his voice really makes it seem more like it's a very subtle order. He absolutely won't tolerate anybody else leaving. He is cracking down on leaving. From now on Dirk, Cronus and Eridan are under strict orders to stay fucking put or face a much uglier side of Murdoc. One he's pretty damn good at hiding.]

[When Murdoc takes his hand away, he does for a moment think that Murdoc is trying to get him to stop. For one fleeting moment, he's afraid that he'd somehow fucked up and said the wrong thing and he wracks his brains to figure out where he went wrong. But then Murdoc moves it to his face, and that little moment of panic is gone and replaced with something a lot happier and a lot calmer. It was stupid of him to think anything was amiss, and he can't help but smile. His thumb brushes over Murdoc's cheek and he lets out a small sigh.

Murdoc's words, though, actually make him think. He's never really thought about it, to be honest. He knows that's what he's wanted, to have Murdoc for as long as possible. For the longest, it's seemed like he's been scrambling to get every bit of time he could, as if all of it was borrowed. But... hearing that question, the tone of it... It makes Bro realize that he doesn't have to struggle for it anymore. That Murdoc really can have him for a long time, and that nothing is going to stop that from happening. Because he has no intention of leaving. As of right this moment, the only thing that could possibly end things is if Murdoc were to do it himself.

He isn't sure how long 'a long time' is gonna be, but he's starting to hope it's a really, really, really fucking long time.]

I ain't going anywhere.

[Truthfully, Murdoc is a little embarrassed about the strange little display of affection. It's probably a good thing he went with a way he could both be affectionate and hide his face, because that's what he wants to do right now. As usual, his embarrassment is deemed unnecessary because Dirk obviously doesn't think he's being foolish. He still feels that way, though. He feels that way about a lot of things. However, sometimes it's pleasant to feel foolish like this. In a relaxed, comforting manner. Particularly in the company of someone he's slowly begun to trust with his more vulnerable moments.

It's true. They certainly have more freedom together now. It's a strange sort of relief knowing his choices have been made for him. There is terrible sadness in the situation, stuff he won't be able to easily over come. Honestly, he's never been particularly optimistic as a person, but having Dirk around makes it easier for him to see the silver lining in the clouds that seemed to have built around him for quite some time. It's strange how one thing going right in your life can make all of the wrongs seem less important.

He shuts his eyes again, pressing his face further against Dirk's palm and just relaxing for a moment. He doesn't want to cry, though he certainly can feel the need to. He just can't seem to. It seems as if the ability to shed tears has been replaced by overwhelming tiredness in the face of sadness. The tiredness, above all things, is apparent in his actions.]

I'll see to it that you don't. [He mumbles, not bothering to open his eyes.]

[The last thing Bro thinks Murdoc is being foolish. Or rather, he knows that in a way they're both being pretty damn foolish. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Not when they're together like this, when the two of them can just be however the fuck they want to be without worrying about anyone judging them. If this is foolish, then he'd honestly want nothing else.

When Murdoc's eyes close again and he leans more into the touch, his thumb drifts slowly over Murdoc's cheek, letting him know it's okay. That he's here and that everything's fine. Or at least will be. And he can definitely tell that Murdoc is tired. He knows the last few months have been more draining than either of them want to admit. Bro himself is tired, too. But he's starting to feel like maybe he can finally rest. Both of them can.

Murdoc's words make him chuckle and he shakes his head lightly.]

Only you have the power to make me go away, y'know. I think it's been like that for a long time now, and I just haven't even realized it.

[We are all fools in love, as Jane Austen would put it. There isn't a moment that goes by that Murdoc doesn't feel himself acting in foolish manner. Yet, the further he goes the more elated the feeling becomes. As if he needn't worry about what anyone thinks of him. Let alone, what he thinks of himself.

Perhaps it is a relief, perhaps that's why Murdoc is so horribly exhausted. Honestly? He doesn't feel like it's over at all. He feels like he has a lot more to get through before he can even begin to rest properly.

Bro's words make his lips curl upward into a genuine smile, though he keeps his eyes shut. He's relaxed and very content with that answer.]

Then we shall be together for some time, I imagine.

[Bro is content with Murdoc's answer in turn. It's a good thing to hear, and it makes him smile, too. He wouldn't need to hear it to smile, though. Seeing Murdoc smile would accomplish that well on it's own, but between the two he was doomed to give Murdoc a stupid little grin. And he doesn't even feel particularly foolish for it. Why should he have to? He's getting used to being able to relax like this around Murdoc. To grin, to laugh and not feel bad about it. It's a good feeling.

He isn't sure what to say, though. He feels like so much has already been said that nothing can really be adequate at this moment. 'Thank you' crosses his mind, but it seems like such a weird thing to thank someone for, no matter how grateful he feels. Finally, he realizes nothing he says no matter what is going to feel good enough, so he just settles for the one thing that actually does come to mind apart from 'thank you'.]

I'm glad to hear that, then.

[He pauses for a moment, deciding that it's a good moment for a slight change of subject.]

Is there anything I can do for you? If there's anything I could get you, you only have to ask.

[Because he knows despite everything, Murdoc is still down and if he needs anything, he's more than willing to get it for him right now.]

[The feeling of appreciation is mutual. Truly mutual. It takes a particularly special kind of man to make Murdoc smile at a time like this. He feels like he could breakdown or give up any moment now, but having Dirk here seems to give him strength. Even if it's just a little bit.

He wants to thank him for that, but he can't seem to find the words. Maybe, like Dirk, it's something you can't really be thanked for. He's sure he'll make it up to him sometime, though.

He hums so Dirk knows he understands, but he finally ends up saying it.]

Thank you.
[For all Dirk knows, he could just be thanking him for the offer but Murdoc knows it means so much more than that.

He does think on the offer for a moment, before he decides what he wants.]

Get drunk with me.

[The thanks catches him off guard for a moment. Considering he'd just been deliberating on how to say it to Murdoc, to hear it from his mouth is a little surprising. But... he gets it, in a way. Or at least he thinks that maybe, possibly, Murdoc is thanking him for similar things he'd just been thinking of. That makes him feel good. Really good, but he doesn't know how to respond to it. "You're welcome" feels wrong, somehow. God, he's really fucking bad at this, isn't it?

He doesn't have long to think on it though, as Murdoc responds to his question. That surprises him too, but it's not an unpleasant surprise either. In a way, it kind of amuses him. And in another way, it's a little worrisome. He's never been fullblown drunk with Murdoc before. Maybe a bit tipsy, but. Never outright drunk.

But he can appreciate the need for a drink. Sometimes it's just really fucking good to get wasted. And y'know, it's even better when you have company. He's been there and done that with people before. Never quite in this context, but still. The more he thinks on it, the more he figures it'll probably be a good thing for the both of them in the end.]

Sounds like a damn good idea to me. [He pulls his hand away from Murdoc, finally, and stands up. He's got more than enough alcohol to suit their needs. He just doesn't have wine, unfortunately, and for that he feels awkward. But he does have fire whiskey and lots of it, so he goes over to his liquor cabinet and pulls out a few bottles, before going over and setting them on the desk before offering one to Murdoc.]

[Murdoc is pleased that Dirk had been so quick to agree. He'd expected it, Dirk is of course the more rebellious of the two. However, he'd come up with a number of convincing arguments that would surely convince his blond lover of the benefits that being drunk off their arses while at work could bring them. If none of the better ones worked, he'd fully intended to grab him and snog him until he agreed. He's almost disappointed that Dirk didn't put up a fight.

Not to worry, he's sure he'll get his lips on Dirk some time tonight. Hopefully sooner rather than later, he's not sure how well he can kiss after too much whiskey.

He takes the bottle with an appreciative smile, fixing his eyes on Dirk's as best he can before opening it and taking an impressively long swig of it.]

That hits the spot. [That burns the spot.]

[He just nods in response to Murdoc's smile as he moves around to sit back down, his own lips quirking. Once he's sat down, he does smile at Murdoc's statement and he opens his own fire whiskey and follows up with an equally impressive swig. He lets out a satisfied breath when he moves it from his lips and sets it on the desk in front of him.]

Damn sure does.

[After a second or two, he takes the bottle back and chugs again. The burn feels good. It fills him with warmth and contentment and it's a damn good feeling. He doesn't know what to say, though. But that's okay, because they don't need to say anything. Just being in each other's presence is comforting. Right now, even though they aren't saying anything, he hasn't felt closer to the man before.]

[Once he sees Dirk doing it, he feels far more comfortable about chugging his own drink. It's been a damn long time since he drank to get drunk, but it hasn't been a long time since he'd been drunk. Long enough though, he supposes. Now that he thinks about it, he hasn't had to drink to make himself feel relaxed and contented anymore. He just needs to be around Dirk to feel that way.

That thought is enough to make him lower his glass and stare down at it for a long moment before he slides his hand across the desk and grabs at Dirk's own hand. Once he catches it, he gives it a comforting squeeze. He isn't sure how the word the excitement that's bubbling in him. He didn't think it would take half a drink to make him want to make wild declarations expressing his excitement at their relationship, but it has.

However, he chooses to swallow the urge as nerves kick in and he instead decides to wordlessly attempt to drain his drink.]

[The two of them are so similar. Bro is pretty much the exact same way in regards to Murdoc- had Bro not had him throughout everything that's been happening lately, it's quite possible that he would've drank a lot more just to relieve the stress- perhaps not alcoholic level, but still more than a teacher should at school. As it turned out though, Murdoc is exactly what he's needed to prevent that from happening. Maybe it's stupid and sentimental, but Murdoc is such a comfort to him that it's easy to just forget his worries when he's with him.

When Murdoc reaches over and takes his hand, his lips quirk slightly into a smile and his thumb brushes over the top his hand. As he looks at Murdoc, he can sort of tell that Murdoc has something on his mind. Or at least he thinks he can, he isn't quite sure. It could be just that the silence is starting to get to him even though it's an easy silence. He's not one to let quiet go on for too long, especially not with alcohol beginning to course through him.

He raises an eyebrow when Murdoc opts for his drink.]

Something on your mind, or am I just reading too much into the silence?

[Whatever it is and as mushy as it is, Murdoc gets a much better rush and a much better feeling from being with Dirk than he does from getting blind drunk. With the added benefit of not being pathetic and disgusting the next day, though it goes without saying they've had days after filled with nothing but discomfort. Coming back to each other at the end of the day seemed to fix that right up.

He hums as Dirk speaks, hating that he knows him so well he isn't able to get away with anything these days. He stares into his drink for a moment, nodding.]

There's a lot on my mind. [He pulls his drink up for more.]
But I haven't drank nearly enough to begin sayin' what I want to.

[Bro nods at that. Despite how curious he is, he won't really push for an answer. He knows how hard feelings can be, and if Murdoc isn't ready to talk about them then he isn't going to make him.]

I know that feeling, man. No rush, no pressure. Just you, me and our best friend named Whiskey.

[Which he takes another long draw on.]

But should you decide you've drank enough, then just know you can tell me anything.

[Dirk gets a smile in response to that. Murdoc isn't quite up for a more complicated answer right now. He's just up for drinking and staring into Dirk's eyes.

However, if we flash forward an hour or so later. Murdoc has had enough to be happily chattering away to Dirk whilst snuggled up against him like he's a teenage girl with glorious sideburns and a huge crush. Which he pretty much is, really.]

You know what, Muffin. I'm glad she left. In the end. I hadn't absolutely had my heart set on a weddin' anyway. It was stupid of me to think she would either. I'm not even angry. You'd think I'd be in a complete and utter rage over the way she dragged me into this and then left me to deal with mountains and mountains of shit. I'm not actually incredibly pissed off at the stupid bitch, I'm fine. Everythin' is fine. It feels like it's going to work out just fine. You know why?

[Griiin.] Because she left me with you. [He stares for a moment before melting against him a little.] You're so beautiful.

[An hour later and Bro is just as drunk and talkative as Murdoc, empty bottles of fire whiskey littering his desk now. Bro's drunken state highly depends on the atmosphere of wherever he's at, and with Murdoc in the room and talking, it's rubbed off in him. As open as he usually is with Murdoc, being drunk has opened him up even more from the looks of it. Bro is leaning into Murdoc without a care in the world, smiling way more than he has in a long, long time.

It only grows wider the more Murdoc speaks. These things are good things to hear. Every single thing just makes him smile even more and by the time Murdoc is finished, he's practically grinning, face taking on an even redder colour than it had preciously.]

You're too fuckin' sweet... And you're so sexy. Let's be honest here, I ain't seen any other man that could has ever compared to how sexy you are. I've been with a lot of guys, but... Just. Damn. You've gotta be the hottest.

[You got him on that train of thought and now he's just going to keep rambling a little while longer about how sexy Murdoc is. It might get a little repetitive at times, but oh well. He's trying to hammer in that point.

Finally, he comes back around to the topic of Sybille.]

I'm glad she's gone, too, I mean... She was just in the fuckin' way. I can't believe I ever slept with her, either. Man, in hindsight she was a boring lay. I regret it. We're both better off the fuck without her. Because now it's just you, me and an endless future.

[At that comment, Murdoc can't help but give Dirk a devious smile. He isn't coherent enough to give Dirk the response he wants, but he's damn capable of giving him his best sexy kiss. Or at least, his best drunk sexy kiss. Which is a lot sloppier and messier than his usual one. Probably not half as good either, but he's drunk and he wants to put his mouth all over Dirk's face. He doesn't see Dirk complaining about that either.

He slips a hand between them to rub Dirk's thigh, but he's way too drunk to do anything with him at this point. He's just going to press kisses to the side of his face and let him talk.]

I can't believe that you slept with her. [He snorts to himself.] I hated you so fuckin' much. I wanted to punch your beautiful face for it. [He smiles as if that's any sort of fond memory.] I miss her already. [He drums his fingers against his glass, looking thoughtful before slurring out more.] But it'sforthebest I suppose.

[If Bro were sober, Murdoc's words would've given him even more whiplash than they already do. As it was, they took a few seconds to really hit him and to actually process, and all the while he's giggling slightly at the idea of Murdoc hitting him, and just... overall stupid, drunk giggling. And then Murdoc's words kinda get to him and he can't help but feel a little... annoyed? Hurt? Definitely confused, because didn't Murdoc just say that he was glad she's gone? Nothing makes sense anymore, holy shit he's too drunk for reality.]

Yeah, it is, but... Uh. I thought you just said that you didn't miss her? You're confusin' me here. Am I just imagining things now or what?

I lied.
[He can't help pouting a little. For a moment he looks as if he might cry, but he swallows it down and shakes his head.]
I do miss 'er. I can't..not. That's stupid, I don't want to be stupid.
[He presses his face against Dirk's arm, shutting his eyes and sighing.]
I'm glad I have you. I'd be stupid without you.

[Bro isn't sure what to say. That look on Murdoc's face was hard to handle, and when he rests his head on his arm, he just reaches out to pet his hair.]

It ain't stupid... she's stupid. And... I'd be stupid without you, too. Lotta stupid in this room tonight...

[Murdoc nuzzles further into him, as if he's trying to disappear against him. He hates himself for saying it and he hates himself for it being true.

He grumbles quietly before letting out a long yawn.]

Let's be stupid n' sleep.

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