005 ♒ Backdated a hair or two more towards the match

[allisnotlost]

i dont wwant to talk about the match

in fact dont evven bring it up in this journal and if you try to im goin to fuckin hurt you and that is not a threat that is an actual promise you wwill get hurt

Comments

[candycrabapple]

WELL LOOK AT THAT, YOU'RE CAPABLE OF ACCEPTING BLAME. I AM ACTUALLY MANAGING TO LOOK VAGUELY SURPRISED. WAIT, NO I ACTUALLY AM KIND OF SURPRISED AT THAT TO BE FAIR.

DON'T YOU 'HOW DARE YOU' ME. OF COURSE I DON'T FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER SAID ANYTHING. AND IF YOU 'ESPECIALLY' DIDN'T MEAN TO GIVE ME THE COLD SHOULDER IT MEANS YOU HAVEN EVEN ENOUGH SEMBLANCE OF SENSE TO CONSIDER ME A FRIEND WORTH KEEPING. WHICH MAKES ME EXACTLY THE KIND OF FRIEND I WAS TALKING ABOUT BEFORE. IF YOU TRUST YOUR FRIENDS THEN YOU CAN FUCKING TALK TO THEM. FRIENDS WONT THINK YOU'RE STUPID FOR TALKING TO THEM ABOUT IT EITHER.

[Not that Karkat can talk he doesn't say a single thing about his family ever, or ever talks about his personal life unless Gamzee drags it out of him.]

WELL, OKAY I WILL. BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE ABOUT AS HELPFUL AS A FART IN A BUBBLE BATH.

[allisnotlost]

yeah wwhatevver its not like im not a human or anythin

dont consider yourself special i havve gone to no one else for help that arent from my family and that is a rare thing for me to do evven on that part
i just dont wwant to be knowwn as poor eri wwho needs all the help from evveryone
i dont mean for this i just dont wwant to burden people wwith my fuckin problems or some shit like that i dont knoww
i dont wwant them to think im wweak

oh great im so glad you think im helpful to evven a minute point

[candycrabapple]

OF COURSE NOT, HUMANS ARE GENERALLY LIKEABLE.

THIS IS WHY YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING SPAZZWAD, BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO CRYING TO JUST ANYONE, YOU GROW A PAIR AND START TRUSTING ONE OR TWO PEOPLE TO BE THERE AND HELP YOU, YOU INSUFFERABLE AND OVERTLY IRRITATING DICK-NOSED MORON.

EVEN I HAVE THAT MUCH AT MY DISPOSAL. SURE, IT'S GAMZEE I TRUST BUT AT LEAST I KNOW HE'LL MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO TRY AND HELP ME.

Private

[allisnotlost]

[He's just going to... put a filter on this now.]

that is subjectivve as hell but im not goin to go into that too much

honestly though i wwant to just
you knoww
wwhat if they fuckin backstab me an leavve me
i dont wwant that

thats another thing that actually stops me

Private

[candycrabapple]

FACTS AREN'T SUBJECTIVE.

IF THEY'RE BACKSTABBING YOU THEN I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST TO POINT OUT HOW BACKWARDS YOU ARE ABOUT PICKING FRIENDS TO TRUST.
LOOK I MIGHT THINK YOU'RE A PATHETIC LOSER WITH LITTLE TO NO PROSPECTS OF BEING A LIKEABLE PERSON OR EVEN AS USEFUL AS A ROCK. BUT FOR SOME REASON I ACTUALLY LIST YOU AS A FRIEND, STRANGE AS THAT IS. REALLY I SHOULD PROBABLY FIND DOLORES TO FIND OUT IF THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME BECAUSE OF IT. BUT SEEING AS I'M MENTALLY ILL AND SEEM TO THINK YOU ARE A FRIEND, I'LL TELL YOU THIS NOT ONLY FOR FREE BUT LET YOU KNOW THIS IS A FACT.

I NEVER BACK-STAB MY FRIENDS. FUCK, THE FACT THAT GAMZEE IS STILL HERE SHOULD POINT THAT OUT, BECAUSE I GO TO WAY TOO MUCH FUCKING TROUBLE TO KEEP HIM FROM GETTING CAUGHT WITH THE SHIT HE HAS.

Private

[allisnotlost]

yeah i knoww its fuckin horrible of me i just vvalue knowwin i havve a friend that isnt goin to turn around one day and just leavve me all for nothin
i just fear bein alone
there
i fuckin said it
i fuckin fear endin up in the end alone
and i knoww that the route i wwas goin wwith selectin friends and shit like that and keepin shit from people isnt the best wway to go at it and its helpin that become a factor but i havve no idea wwhat im doin


and yeah alright you havve a point there and im not sayin that youre not a bad friend

but really man read these wwords carefully
i really do think youre one of my friends kar
i mean
ivve nevver really evver told anyone about the things ivve wwritten abovve like this before

Private

[candycrabapple]

WELL IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU STOPPED BEING THE POSTER BOY OF FUCKWITTERY AND FINALLY CHOSEN TO BE A REAL PERSON.

I'M EVEN GOING TO GO SO FAR AS TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR CHOICE OF CONFIDANT. BECAUSE REALLY OUT OF EVERYONE WE KNOW. I'M THE ONLY ONE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF GIVING GOOD AND USEFUL ADVICE. OR JUST THINKING IN GENERAL, IF WE'RE GOING TO BE HONEST.

AND HEY, YOU CAN TALK TO ME ANY TIME. I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO WITH MY TIME THAN TALK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S PRIVATE SHIT TO OTHERS.

Private

[allisnotlost]

oh thanks for that im so glad im finally a real man noww it only took nearly fifteen years to do so
speakin of wwhich i just realized my birthdays comin up
fuck

honestly im prone to agree considerin some of the indivviduals that do attend
im really wwonderin howw in the hell they evven survvivve day to day shit they wway they livve and make life choices

i
right
thats the wwhole reason im bein this open wwith this
i trust you
i mean hell my fuckin family doesnt evven knoww this is howw i feel about shit like that
but thats another story considerin i dont evven knoww wwhy i cant bring myself to talk to them about stuff like this

Private

[candycrabapple]

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BIRTHDAY COMING UP? AND I HOPE YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING FROM ME, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOU ANYTHING

[Not entirely true, he has something. But he's not convinced it's worth giving him.]

I'M GUESSING IT'S FROM THE CONSTANT INTERFERING FROM TEACHERS AND OTHER FRIENDS THAT KEEP THEM ALL FROM BEING DEAD, OR AT LEAST SEMI-SMEARED AGAINST SOMETHING.

PLEASE, EVEN IF MY FAMILY WAS STILL ALIVE THEY STILL WOULDN'T KNOW A LOT OF THE SHIT THAT GOES ON IN MY LIFE, FUCK NOT EVEN DOLORES KNOWS EVERYTHING, EVEN THOUGH SHE FUCKING ACTS LIKE IT SOMETIMES. THERE ARE THINGS YOU TELL FAMILY, AND THERE ARE THINGS YOU TELL FRIENDS. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.