3rd ♋

[candycrabapple]

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS SCHOOL?

WELL NOTHING, ULTIMATELY THIS PLACE IS A FESTERING VOID OF TEEN DRAMA AND BULLSHIT, SO IF I WAS BEING HONEST, I'D ONLY ACTUALLY LIKE THE CURRICULUM, BUT EVEN THEN THE LEVEL OF HOMEWORK PISSES ME OFF.

NO, NO. WHAT I *LOVE* ABOUT THIS SCHOOL, IS THAT IT MANAGES TO MAKE A COMPLETE AND UTTER SHITFEST OUT OF ONE OF THE MORE ENJOYABLE HOLIDAYS OF THE YEAR.
IS IT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK TO WANT ONE HOLIDAY WHERE SOMETHING DOESN'T GO COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY TITS UP, WITH SNAKE EGGS THAT CAN OOZE LOVE POTION PHEROMONES ON NEARLY EVERYONE IN SCHOOL? BECAUSE I'M REALLY STARTING TO THINK I'M GETTING MY HOPES FAR TO UP FOR THIS CRAP AND ONCE AGAIN THEY COME SPIRALLING DOWN INTO EITHER NAUSEATING DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION TO SOME MATCH UPS THAT ARE TOO HORRIFYING TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE WHEN IS I WAS TO BE COMPLETELY OUT OF MY MIND HIGH.

NOTE TO TEACHERS: THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THIS PLACE, NEXT HOLIDAY I'M JUST NOT LEAVING MY BED, I'LL JUST SLEEP THE DAY AWAY.

Comments

[greaselightning]

eridans a liar, but vwhat do i knowv, right?

no one is buttering anyone, chief.
i mean, unless you like that sort of thing, i vwouldnt judge you any if you did.

[candycrabapple]

OF COURSE ERIDAN'S A LIAR, BUT HE'S A LIAR I KNOW.

AND OF COURSE I'M NOT INTO THAT, WHO THE HELL WOULD BE INTO THAT SHIT WHEN THEY'RE ONLY FOURTEEN? WHY WOULD ANYONE BE THAT KINKY AT THIS AGE, THAT'S JUST FUCKING WEIRD.

[tomatatas]

Language Mr Vantas.

I will say on the very unlikely chance that ever happens again I will accept that as an excuse of absence. But only that one. Otherwise I expect to see you there.

[stubbornskeptic]

I wouldn't call it enjoying, necessarily.
I mean there was an awful lot of hurt confusion!

[greaselightning]

then you should knowv better than anyone the putrid nonsense he spevws vwithout a moments notice.

age has nothing to do vwith kinks, age only holds you back if you let it, and from vwhat i can tell you certainly do. vwhat else do you let your age get in the vway of, sport?

[toocoolforthis]

Do I even want to know why you'd call it "one of the most enjoyable holidays of the year?"

[allamericanreject]

Hm, you do have a point. You aren't wrong thinkin this is fucked up, it really is. but i think that even though a lot of accidents happen around here, its just stuff that happens around wizards.

least that's how i take it. so it helps put off all the dramatic about it. plus you know, i managed to avoid a lot of what was going on. People were still actin all fucked up and I thought it was kinda funny and at the same time I was annoyed that they were screwin with powerful magic.

Though now seein as it wasnt their fault I should take that back. And maybe the teachers should check what they're handin us out next time. Jeez.

...sorry that was a bit of a tangent wasnt it, ahaha.

[HE SAYS TO THE TANGENT MASTER.]

[mo_cara]

I don't know. [hedges, brow furrowing] I mean .... you know, he always gets his pan up into like there ain't nothing wrong, he all keeps saying that, 'cause his pump biscuit is so motherfuckin' tender, he ain't wanting to trouble that water.

[candycrabapple]

WAIT? OH. RIGHT, YEAH.

WELL AT LEAST I KNOW THERE'S ONE TEACHER HERE SYMPATHETIC TO MY INCURIABLE ALLERGIES TO RIDICULOUS BULLSHI CRAP THAT NO NORMAL TEEN SHOULD HAVE TO GO TO. THIS IS AT LEAST A MAJOR RELIEF TO MY SYSTEM.

[candycrabapple]

FROM WHAT I WAS BEING SUBJECTED TO THERE WAS AN AWFUL LOT OF ENJOYING GOING ON, ALMOST LIKE IT WAS BEING RUBBED IN MY FACE, FOR BEING ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T GET DOSED WITH SNAKE LOVE FUMES.
FROM WHERE I WAS SITTING, THE CONFUSION ONLY CAME WHEN THE POTION WORE THE FUCK OFF. OR WERE YOU HAVING A PARTICULAR KIND OF CONFUSION? NOT THAT I GIVE EVEN HALF OF A SHIT. BUT, FUCK IT, LET'S ENGAGE THIS.

[candycrabapple]

YEAH BUT EVEN A SHITTY PATHETIC STREAM HAS GOLD IN IT. AND WHEN IF CONCERNS WHAT HE SAYS ABOUT YOU, THEN I'M GOING TO GO OUT ON EVEN SOME OF THE THINNER LIMBS AND TH=RUST HIM ON THIS ONE.

HOLD BACK? ME? I NEVER HOLD BACK ON ANYTHING. SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW ABOUT ME, YOU CHUMP-BURGER.

[candycrabapple]

BECAUSE IT'S THE DAY OF THE YEAR THAT CAN MAKE EVEN THE MOST PATHETIC AND SHYEST PERSON AROUND, BUNDLE UP WHAT LITTLE COURAGE THEY HAVE TO CONFESS TO THAT ONE PERSON THEY THINK WILL MAKE THEIR LIVES COMPLETE. EVEN IF IT'S JUST FOR A MOMENT OR THEY WERE COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT IT.

AND IF THEY AREN'T THEN THEY GET TO ACTUALLY HAVE SOMEONE TO CUDDLE UP ON THE COUCH WITH AND WATCH EVEN THE MOST SICKENINGLY SWEET ROMANCE DRAMAS.

[And one day, Karkat will be one of those people!]

[candycrabapple]

THAT WAS AS MUCH OF A TANGENT AS A STRAIGHT LINE, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU EVEN THINKING APOLOGISING FOR THAT?

I AVOIDED IT TOO. BUT TO BE HONEST I WOULD HAVE RATHER BEEN ONE OF THE HORDE OF POTIONED UP HORMONAL TEENS THAN ONE OF THE CHUMPS IN THE BACKGROUND WHO COULDN'T GET AWAY BEING COMPLETELY FUCKING ANNOYING.

[candycrabapple]

Everyone has a tender heart, fuckwit. Tavros is just so bloody weak when it comes to anything assertive he always ends up the one being hurt because he gets swept up in people's bullshit.

But then, considering you're both incredible sacks of shit that can't really exist without someone looking after you to make sure you don't end up dead in a ditch in Glasgow, stuck under a double-decker bus, or in your case, leave you alone long enough to actually be you. You're probably both made for each other now I think about it.

You can both be together being both so horrendously useless and boneless that you could probably create a new level of useless relationships.

[He sighs, then rubs the back of his neck from his little outburst.]

Look, I really do think that you two cavernous air-heads should actually talk about this, even if I have to be there in the end to hand hold you both to an actual fucking conclusion.

[candycrabapple]

OH! LOOK AT YOU BEING SUCH A SUPER SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE THERE. EVERYONE HAS THINGS IN THEIR LIVES THEY DON'T WANT EVERYONE FINDING OUT ABOUT, THAT'S NORMAL.

AND CONSIDERING SOME OF THE 'NORMAL' DRAMA I HAVE TO DEAL WITH, I'D BE HAPPIER IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO FUCK AROUND WITH THAT SHIT EITHER, IT'S STUPID, ANNOYING, AND PEOPLE ALWAYS NEED ME TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS ANSWERS BECAUSE THEY ALL SEEM INCAPABLE OF DOING IT THEMSELVES.

[marshall_lee]

I meant it in an all encompassing sense..not just me, me, me.

Maybe you should start charging for your services.

[mo_cara]

Yeah, maybe. I'll be thinking on it. [sighs] But you don't think he hates me, right?

[tomatatas]

I hate to break it too you, but this is unfortunately all part of the fun of attending Hogwarts. I doubt it'll change anytime soon before your graduation, not when most of the teachers can attest to similar things happening in their years.

My suggestion is learn quite a good number of counterspells and keep a lot of potions for various things on hand. That helps a little.

[stubbornskeptic]

That isn
It sounds as if you are a little jealous of not getting invited to this party!/span>

[SMOOTH DODGE!]

[toocoolforthis]

That can happen on any day of the year. In fact, it's just as significant when it doesn't happen with a holiday to prompt it.

[candycrabapple]

OH, WELL SURE. I COULD CHARGE FOR MY SERVICES, I'LL JUST PUT UP A LEMONADE STAND AND CHARGE PEOPLE 3 KNUTS FOR ADVICE, BUT THEN IT WOULD BUT JUST UNFAIR TO ALL THE HOPELESS AND PATHETIC WRETCHES THAT NEED TO KEEP COMING BACK FOR ADVICE AND THEN I END UP WITH ALL THEIR MONEY.

I MEAN SURE, THAT WOULD BE GREAT FOR ME, BUT THE WORST FOR REPEAT BUSINESS, DON'T YOU THINK?

[candycrabapple]

You know. I think I can say without a doubt that Tavros Nitram doesn't hate you.

And to be perfectly fucking honest, I'm not even sure he can spell it, let alone experience it. Seriously, are you that stupid that you can't figure that one out on your own? This is Tavros? He apologises to his shadow, how could he hate you?

[candycrabapple]

WELL THEN DON'T WE BOTH JUST HAVE AN AMAZINGLY DIFFERENT DEFINITION OF FUN?

WELL I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE BUT TO LEARN THEM DO I? BETWEEN THE SCHOOL TRYING TO KILL US, EAT US, OR HAVE US HUMP EACH OTHER, I CAN'T REALLY GRADUATE WITHOUT KNOWING ANY SPELLS AND POTIONS, SO HOW MUCH MORE TROUBLE COULD IT POSSIBLY BE TO LEARN A FEW HUNDRED MORE?

[candycrabapple]

WHY IN THE NAME OF CHRONIC DIARRHEA WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF A BUNCH OF POTIONED UP NITWITS WOULD ARE TRYING THEIR HARDEST TO CHOKE ON SOMEONE ELSE'S TONGUE, WHEN THE PAIRINGS FOR THIS WHOLE SCENARIO WAS SO BEYOND FUCKED UP IN PLACES?

BECAUSE I'M NOT, I'M ACTUALLY BEYOND ECSTATIC THAT I AVOIDED IT, AND PISSED OFF THAT I HAD TO SEE IT.

[He is jealous, but that's besides the point.]

[candycrabapple]

OF COURSE IT IS. BUT NOT EVERYONE IS THAT ROMANTIC OR EVEN THAT CREATIVE TO DO IT EVERYDAY OR EVEN REGULALRLY.

VALENTINES DAY GIVES PATHTETIC SHITS LIKE THAT A CHANCE TO SHOW THEIR LOVERS THAT EVEN THOUGHT THEY DON'T SPOUT IT EVERY DAY, OR DON'T ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO SHOW IT, THAT THIS PERSON IS THE ONE PERSON THEY LOVE MOST OVER ALL OTHERS. BECAUSE IF THE IDEAS AREN'T EASY TO COME BY ON VALENTINE'S DAY, THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.