WANTED: TEST SUBJECTS

[3potionproblem]

WANTED: TEST SUBJECTS

I need volunteers for tests involving physical stimuli -- primarily oral but tactile engagement is not to be discriminated against. Male and female applicants accepted. Disclosure of previous experience is required. Collected data will not be published.

Reply to apply. Genuine inquiries only.

Comments

[arrogantalloy]

Oh god.

You're an idiot.

[3potionproblem]

I'm an idiot? You're not even eligible; don't waste my time.

[arrogantalloy]

This whole thing is a waste of time.

No one wants their kisses to be scientifically ranked.

[3potionproblem]

I did specify I would not publish my findings. I made sure to take other people's hesitancy into consideration.

[arrogantalloy]

Can you even see the point from where you're standing?

[3potionproblem]

The point is I need data. There is no other point.

[arrogantalloy]

Considering your last want ad was about you consensually stalking people. There's actually a really big point you're missing here.

[3potionproblem]

And what is that?

[arrogantalloy]

You mean other than sounding like a walking felony? Wait, Uh, ASBO holder?

[What is English muggle terminology to an American Wizard?]

[3potionproblem]

How is this in any way illegal? I'm inquiring about services; I'm not attempting murder.

[arrogantalloy]

Kind of noticed you didn't have an age restriction on here.

Hows that for illegal?

[3potionproblem]

I also didn't filtered this from teachers. Your point?

[arrogantalloy]

[There's a long pause]

Why do I get the feeling one day I'm going to be called to get you bailed out of jail?

[3potionproblem]

I don't know, how long do you plan to stay in the UK?

Obviously there is a minimum age range to consider but there's no reason to publish it in a simple inquiry post. Terms and conditions can come later.

Even if the majority of the demographic here is quite a bit younger than me, I have an advantage at Hogwarts that I won't have outside of it. Hogwarts is the last time I will have seniority in my young life. When I pass through these doors, be it on holiday or for good, I will be at a marked disadvantage in making these sorts of inquiries; I will be in a vulnerable position rather than in one of power. The sad fact is that most people, especially of a certain age, are far more interested in taking advantage than in assisting freely. Despite popular opinion, I am not so naive as to not realize statements relating an interest and inexperience in intimate actions paints a target. Hogwarts is safer than anything that comes after it in pursuing study over pure sensationalism. At Hogwarts, I'm the predator, even though we both know I'm anything but, and so my studies can be simply that rather than there existing a risk of them becoming perverted from the primary intent.

If you have any further complaints in relation to my test parameters, you should probably just keep them to yourself.

[3houseswatson]

What.

I-

What?

Is this a fever dream? There's no way you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting.

[mo_cara]

hEy, BrO, iF yOu NeEd HeLp, I'm Up FoR aNyThInG!

[3potionproblem]

Have I written it down wrong again? It's supposed to be an inquiry for volunteers to "make out" with, though I find the colloquial to be a vague description of the required parameters.

[3potionproblem]

Anything but proper handwriting apparently.

Age and experience?

[mo_cara]

16, aNd VeRy.
;o)

[He totally thinks Sherlock is talking about drugs.]

[3potionproblem]

'Very' isn't exactly a statistical value but I suppose it will do. Name?

[mo_cara]

GaMzEe mAkArA, mOtHeRfUcKeR!

[3houseswatson]

Oh my God. So that's really what this is.

Sherlock, you can't just... open up your own scientific kissing booth! It's just not on!

[3potionproblem]

Why?

[3potionproblem]

[...Classy.]

You're friends with Stark.

[3houseswatson]

Because when you kiss someone, it ought to mean something. Something more than just a scientific experiment.