sortinghat_rp | (no subject)

Yeah, but you don't mean none of that other shit. [smiling] Not really. You're like Karkat, you just got a lot of wordy nonsense what's gotta come out of your squawk gaper, but really ain't none of that what's important to you. You got other dreams.

[He squeezes the younger boy cheerfully.] Now lay it on a brother - what be all happening with you over the hols?

Do not compare me to him. [he snaps, pushing Gamzee away and moving over to his bed. Sitting on the edge, he shrugs one should at the question, reaching up to absently play with his hair.]

Nothing. Nothing worth talking about, anyway. A lot of family, a lot of fake smiles and saying nothing unless I was directly addressed. The usual.

[Gamzee has a way of sort of flowing whenever he's shoved or pushed, kind of like a cat, just sort of going with the motion but never seemed to take the brunt of the force. Maybe that's why he never seems to take offense at the sort of thing - all it does is encourage him to de-attach, though he does come and sit down on Equius's bed, too, pulling a knee up to his chest.]

You could come home with me next time, if you all be wanting to? [Gamzee invites, though he doubts the Ravenclaw will take him up on it. He probably wouldn't even be allowed - his father is a Muggle, after all.] I ain't got hardly no family, and my da don't smile much of ever, so he don't be all caring if anyone else does, either.

[He shakes his head, though, deep inside, he wouldn't mind having the freedom to go as he chooses]

The next break is the summer holidays. Father will want to take me on a hunting expedition in the forest, and Mother will want new paintings for when it's her turn to host the social gatherings, at which I'll be expected to make an appearance. Maybe, if I'm very well behaved, I could arrange a visit while she is out touring, but I can make no promises.

That'd be cool. I mean, if you can motherfuckin' make it. It gets all up in the stillness and onliness department in the summer, sometimes. So you like doing all that shit? Like, going out in all them trees and killin' shit?

[he shrugs one shoulder] It's okay. We ride the horses out, so I do enjoy that part. Mostly, I just keep out of the way and watch. I expect that now that I'm thirteen, however, Father will want me to make a kill. It is a natural part of life, though. Kill or be killed. And it isn't like we hunt just for the thrill.

[It was, after all, the only time he ate meat.]

Yeah, I guess so. [The taller boy cocks his head to one side, considering it. He's never killed anything except fish, and that wasn't exactly thrilling, but it wasn't bad, either. It just kind of was. Not the way he felt sometimes when he hit another person square in the face which was way more than thrilling, when he was really mad.] Except ain't nothin' trying to kill you, is there?

[Gamzee only has the vaguest idea of how hunting works. He guesses if someone was hunting lions, that would definitely be a kill or be killed situation, but he doesn't know what the Zahhak's go after.]

Well, not what we're hunting, but yes, there are many dangerous things in the forest. Trolls, mostly. But we know where they are, so it's really not that big of a deal.

[He shrugs again. It was one of those things his father felt made a man, so he went along with it. It was one of his duties as the heir of the household.]

But what do you all like to be up and doing? [Gamzee can guess. Riding the horses!]

It doesn't matter. [And no one seems to get that, no matter how much he says it. He completely accepts his duty as the heir, and is perfectly okay with giving up his desires for his parents'. It was simply a fact of his life, and would always be that way. The less people asked what he want, the easier it would be all around]

[If only because he didn't know what he wanted]

Anyway, the Easter holiday is over with, and there is some time before the summer holiday begins. It is senseless to dwell on what I have no control over.

[Gamzee reaches out one long arm an curls a bit of Equius's hair around his finger, the way he's wont to do when he's thinking around the other boy.] You don't ever be getting all up and sad or motherfuckin' lonely out there?

[Most of the tension left Equius's frame the moment Gamzee's hand touched his hair. It wasn't an unusual reaction; he didn't know what it was, but he couldn't help but relax when it was played with, although Gamzee was by far the one who played with it the most.]

[Letting out a sigh, he pushes himself back on the bed until he's sitting next to the older boy, hands folded into his lap.]

I'm quite used to being alone, Gamzee. It is hardly something I consider a hardship. I have plenty of things to keep me occupied, and sometimes, the sons and daughters from Mother's social group come along, and it is my task to entertain them. A pureblood's life is not like that of a muggleborn, or even a halfblood, and no one understands that. I feel like I am on a whole new world here, and I don't know what to do. I really do not.

[Gamzee takes the movement as an invitation to happily card his fingers through the other boy's thick black locks.]

It surely do be different from home. [agrees] All these people up in everyone else's business and all acting weird and shit. Not gonna lie to you brother, shit be confusing sometimes.

[The Slytherin likes the bustle, but then he doesn't like being alone much. He's alone too much of the time at home. But the social mores and little traps set here catch him unawares a lot of the time, and leave him floundering in a sea of incomprehension.] But you ain't being the only purebred all up in this castle; ain't none of the other ones get what it's like?

Edited 2012-04-22 08:14 (UTC)

[Equius lets out a loud, long, exasperated sigh. Possibly to mask the pleased noises he wants to make because of the fingers in his hair, but it is very loud and exasperated.]

It doesn't matter if they get it or not, Gamzee. You don't talk about feelings to just anybody, especially not other purebloods. Really, you ought to not talk about much more than the weather and the latest gossip, or classes, in this case. Really, I'm only telling you because you're just as like to forget it, or you won't understand it exactly at all. I hate you, but all things considered, you're... safe.

I know. [serenely] I gots all them secrets up in my nug, locked up tight as a motherfuckin' pastor's arsehole.

[He combs his fingers through Equius's hair in long, languid strokes, starting at his temples and then sweeping backwards, silent for a long few moments.] So what is the upness with you and my Tavbro?

That is so lewd, Gamzee. [he wrinkles his nose up in disgust, pulling back to Look at the other boy]

[Not that it lasts long. And this time he really does make a noise because hogosh, that felt really, really nice. Don't mind him leaning against you, Gamzee, he's not cuddling. He's not.]

Ugh, don't even get me started on Nitram. I don't even know where to start. [he huffs, shifting a little bit against Gamzee - still not cuddling] Although, I might as well tell you, since he already went and told Vantas, who will probably tell the whole world now, just to mock me.

I just cannot believe that he is really that stupid, though! I told him he could think of me as a princess as an example of just how little I care about what he thinks, which I said to him, literally, and then he thinks I mean that I really do want him to think of me as a princess. And you know he never gets to the point of anything, so he was sitting there writing away about unicorns and fairies and I agreed to go look with him because I like unicorns. The next thing I know, he wants me to wear a dress, a pink dress, no less, and he wouldn't stop pestering me about it.

And as if this wasn't bad enough, I told him several times I thought the idea of wearing a dress was inappropriate, and yet he asked me about it once again, and acted like he didn't understand why I was mad. Even though I have told him why I disliked the idea, and that I was sending him mixed signals. And then he told Vantas I was going to wear a dress, who is yelling at me to just wear it, damn it, and I just...

[deep breath]

Father is going to be so upset with me.

[Gamzee casually wraps an arm around Equius, ostensibly so he can pet the hair on the other side of the younger boy's head, his fingers teasing out the long strands, then rubbing lightly at the Raveclaw's scalp. Dman, but he could do this for motherfuckin' hours.]

Yeah. [slowly, drawing the word out in a lazy, liquid sort of way] That sounds like my boy.

[Getting focused on one weird detail and then wanting to go see fairies and unicorns? Classic Tavros Nitram. The thought makes the Slytherin smile fondly and lean his cheek briefly against Equius's head.]

It'd be pretty sweet if you found some of them miracle magic horses, for motherfuckin' certain. But how's your da even gonna find that shit out? I don't guess Karkat's gonna be all up and telling him, even if that feisty motherfucker got him the shoutiest word hole around.

How could I keep such a thing a secret from him?

[His voice was small as he said that, curling even closer to Gamzee, the thought of his own confession, worded ten thousand different times, ten thousand different ways playing out in his head. Even if he could manage to keep it inside while at Hogwarts, he could just see himself stepping off the train, his father's imposing figure standing on the platform, waiting for him, and just blurting it out. Every little shameful thought and desire pouring from his lips uncontrollably, because truly, just how could he hide anything from him? Him, the ultimate authority in Equius's life. It hardly mattered if there were higher powers in the world, if his father said to jump, he did not ask questions, he simply jumped.

I am disgusting, Gamzee. Absolutely filthy, and I ought to be punished for letting myself become so execrable.

[That was something Gamzee never really understood - Equius's weird desire for, or at least a fixation on, being punished for his thoughts. It made him feel bad for his friend, made him want to wrap his arms around the younger boy and tell him he was just motherfuckin' miraculous the way he was, without all this other fancy bullshit. Except he wasn't sure Equius would even want to hear that. It was kind of hard to tell with the Ravenclaw.]

I guess I don't be seeing how liking them unicorns, or maybe wanting to wear a dress, is all that motherfuckin' bad. [dubiously, as he cuddled the smaller boy closer] How all do you be wanting to get your wicked atonement on?

The unicorns are fine. [Mostly] It's everything else that was wrong.

[He makes a choked noise as Gamzee asks about punishment, his eyes going a little wide. How could he articulate such thoughts? They were just as wrong as the rest of him, corrupting the very point of the suffering around until it was nothing but a twisted imitation of itself, becoming something to be desired and longed for, not avoid. To be beaten black and blue, his hair pulled and lip split, blood pooling into his mouth, helpless to resist, bowed before another...]

[It scared him as much as it called to him. How could such a thing so self-destructive be a good thing?]

[So instead of replying, he keeps quiet, head bowed and staring at his hands]

[Gamzee's silent for a few moments, too, trying to process that choked noise - is it a sob? Just a sound of distress? Something else? His fingers continue their slow exploration of Equius's hair, but after a few moments he turns his head, pressing his fingers lightly under the other boy's chin and craning his neck at an odd angle to peer into the Ravenclaw's face, trying to ascertain how upset he is.]

[He's thankful for the few moments of silence, of Gamzee not prying, because really, he wouldn't know what to say. His head turns easily when it's nudged up, but his eyes remain averted, a light blush starting to creep onto his cheeks.]

[Aw, ain't that the sweetest motherfuckin' look? Gamzee's not really sure why Equius is blushing, though it is crazy adorable. He often doesn't really get why Equius gets so upset about things, but this kind of seems like a good opportunity, and the Slytherin's not really one to NOT go with whatever impulse he has at the time.

So he strokes a little bit of the Ravenclaw's hair back from his face, leans in, and kisses him.]

[If Equius had been looking at Gamzee, this whole mess would have been averted. As it was, all the warning he had was the gentle brush of fingers against his cheek, then he was pressed lip to lip against the older boy.]

[Immediately, he tensed up, mouth dropping open and staring at him. Hadn't he just gotten through talking about what was appropriate and inappropriate behavior for someone of his status? He was fairly certain that if dress wearing was shameful, then obviously kissing other boys would be just as shameful as well! Really, he knew Gamzee was stupid, but he hadn't realized he was this stupid. To be swapping saliva with a member of the same sex...]

[And why was he sitting there, thinking about it instead of stopping him?]

[Gamzee hadn't quite gotten to the swapping saliva part yet, but when Equius doesn't shove him away, and in fact opens his mouth, well, there's really only one way he can take that. He presses his tongue deftly into the younger boy's mouth, running his fingers up into the hair at Equius's temples, and tilting his head slightly to the side to get a better angle. Really, he's pretty surprised that he hasn't been shoved away yet, but he's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

HA!]