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To anyone who might have heard about my brother Phineas' unfortunate accident and subsequent stay in hospital, mother has informed me that he's perfectly fine now. I'm sure all of those whose lives he has touched with his generosity and gentleness of spirit will be very relieved.

[The sarcasm, it's dripping off the page]

This year is turning out to be rather interesting already, I must say. Magical Languages looks as if it's going to be... enlightening.

Also, I found a copy of Spellman's Syllabary stuck between two chairs in the common room. There's no name in it. I believe I may keep it if no one claims it, so if it's yours, do speak up.

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[If Arthur took a few minutes to reply, it's nothing compared to the ten or so that it took Bro, as he stared at the page. Just...

Staring. Thinking. Hurting.

The response that comes is probably anticlimactically short.]

Can we go for a walk?

Yes, sir.

[He doesn't think he even has a choice in this]

Courtyard then, ASAP.

[ASAP it is, and Arthur's a little flushed when he arrives in the courtyard, glancing around for the professor. He doesn't see him right away and assumes he's arrived first, sagging against a wall and pressing one hand to his face.

God, Arthur, what are you even doing...]

[Arthur is the first one to arrive, it's true. Bro took a few minutes to try and get himself under control. The absolute last thing he needed or wanted was to have a breakdown in front of Arthur. He still wasn't sure just how stable he was, but when he did leave, he was at least not on the verge of crying like he had been.

His stomach contracts a little when he arrives and sees Arthur. He feels guilty, because the kid looks stressed. Maybe he shouldn't be doing this. Maybe he should just... leave Arthur out of it. It's not fair to him.]

... You don't have to be here.

[Arthur can't help but jump in surprise when he hears the man's voice and he's immediately berating himself for it even as he pushes away from the wall and straightens his clothes.

He gives a small nod, and pushes his hands into his pockets]

I know that, sir.

No offense, but it looks like you'd rather be anywhere but here.

[Bro isn't sure what to do, so he just... stands there. He isn't sure if Arthur is going to decide to leave or not.]

[He glances away]

I'm sure there are many places I might rather be, but this is important, wouldn't you say?

[Arthur's not going anywhere. He makes a small gesture along the path]

After you.

[He's not gonna lie, he's grateful that Arthur didn't bail. But he still feels guilty. Either way, he just... moves in the direction Arthur gestured.]

I'm not sure what happened to make you so goddamn invested in my family, but... I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda glad it happened.

[The last part is mumbled, barely loud enough for Arthur to hear, because... Well, he feels pretty damn awkward about it. But still, he thinks Arthur deserves to hear it, despite the fact it was said so quietly.]

[Falling into step beside Bro, it's only the relative silence around them that allows him to hear what's said. He keeps his eyes on the path in front of them as he speaks quietly]

Back in my first year, I didn't want to do the lake crossing, for the same reason Dirk didn't. I did it. I was scared, but I did it, and I was bloody glad I did. I suppose I didn't want him to miss out on that.. and something I said must have stuck with him, I guess.

[He shrugs slightly and rubs the back of his neck]

To be honest I'm not entirely sure why he speaks to me so easily, either.

[The last thing that Arthur says strikes some kind of chord with Bro, and he realizes that he isn't sure why he speaks to Arthur easily, either. But he's not going to say that.

But still... It makes him feel a little awkward. A little vulnerable. Arthur's the only person he has that has any kind of connection like this with Dirk, though. He... he needs him.]

The only thing that matters is he does... Because he doesn't talk to me. Not like that. He's never just... brought up- He...

The thing... you mentioned before. He's never said anything like that to me.

[Because he just can't say David's name. It just... it won't fit in his mouth right now. It hurts.]

[Arthur's not psychic, but he's perceptive enough to be able to guess which part of what he'd said that Bro is getting at]

About his father? He didn't say very much, just that he'd passed away, and you took him in afterwards.

[He glances up with a small smile]

He's named after you, isn't he, sir?

[It takes Bro a few long seconds to be able to respond.]

Yeah. He's never brought it up like that. And... yeah. And Dave's named after... after him.

[It's then that he finally addresses the other thing that Arthur mention.]

Sometimes I'm so fucking proud of him that it hurts and I don't know how he can't see that...How either of them can't.

Edited 2012-09-11 01:35 (UTC)

Dirk is.. very bright. Heck, I wish I'd been that verbose when I was his age, but.. sir-

[He stops walking and looks up. It feels very, very odd to be addressing a professor so frankly, but at the same time there's no real way to step around it]

He.. takes a lot onto himself. Things he shouldn't but does because.. he feels he ought to. He..

[Urgh. Arthur has to look away]

... He knows you love him, sir. It's himself that he doubts.

[When he hears Arthur stop, Bro stops too. He's grateful for that, because he'd wanted to stop but... He didn't want to. It would've made him feel dumb, because he's insecure that way. This whole thing is just difficult for him and he feels really fucking vulnerable right now.]

I don't understand why. [His voice is starting to sound frustrated. But clearly not at Dirk. It's clear he's angry at himself, at his incompetence and inability to figure out what to do.]

There's no reason to doubt himself, he's fucking awesome. I just- I don't get it. At all. I don't know what I've fucking done, why he feels like he has to... impress me. [He spits the word bitterly. He's not just talking about Dirk, either.] I'm not fucking worth it!

[His fists clench and they're shaking, as if he just... wants to punch something, but he just stands there, radiating an aura of frustration... and helplessness.]

[Arthur can't help but look a little bit taken aback. Of all things, he didn't expect for Bro to get so.. emotional, but it does tell Arthur one thing - he wasn't far wrong when he was telling Dirk that there's no doubt his uncle loves him.

He's not quite sure what to do, then he timidly touches Bro's arm]

He thinks you are, professor. Why would he not want to impress you?

[Bro can't help it, he pulls his arm away from Arthur and his reply is a growl.]

Why would he?

[He twitches his hand back and his fingers curl slightly. A small frown draws a line between his eyebrows as he speaks, rather more bluntly than he had been doing before]

Because you're his family, sir, and all he has left of his father.

[That's like a punch in the gut. He almost doubles over and heaves because that just... No.

But then all of a sudden he's laughing. It's not amused, it's just... hollow.]

I'm nothing like him. At all. He was... I... No...Just. No.

[He's shaking his head, hand coming up to thread through his hair. Whenever he's in this state, he always forgets about his hat, and it falls to the ground.]

I... He doesn't have to. He really. fucking. doesn't.

[He crouches and picks the hat up, holding it in both hands]

But he feels he does. It's important to him.

[Arthur feels he's treading a knife-edge here, between what he knows, what he's read between the lines, and what Bro is showing him right this moment]

And... whether you like it or not, you're all he has left now.

I know that! I fucking know that. But y'know what? For all I know, he could fucking lose me too!

[He didn't mean to blurt that out. He... really didn't. But god, he's stressed. Between this and not knowing what to do and...just everything. He's not thinking rationally at all.

He moves on quickly, just... pretending he didn't even say that.]

I just want him to stop putting me on such a high fucking pedestal. I don't know how to make him stop.

... I know.

[It's quietly muttered and on reflex at Bro raising his voice like that, and he rubs his thumbs absently over the fabric of the cap in his hands]

He's looking up to you, sir. It's what children do, I'm afraid.

Yeah, I know, I-

[Was the same way when he was younger. Idolized David to fucking bits. He knows, he just. Hates it.]

I know. [Bro just... sighs and there's a long pause as he massages his temples, shaking his head slowly.] You don't seem surprised about any of this. Dirk's told you a lot, hasn't he?

Edited 2012-09-11 02:22 (UTC)

Yeah, I suppose he has..

[He offers the hat back, his free arm curled around himself]

As I said.. I think it's admirable, what you're doing for him.

[Bro takes the hat back, putting back on his head firmly.]

You can tell me that when I've actually fucking succeeded at something.

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