sortinghat_rp | five ♓ text;

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constance peixes (her imperious condesce

five ♓ text;

I apologize for the short notice, but I've been called away to my former laboratory to assist with some measurements. As such, all students will have a free period today and Thursday. I strongly suggest that you all use it to study, because there will be a quiz next week.

If any of you haven't turned in the last assignment, I'll grant an extension until Friday at 3 PM.

[filtered private to Feferi Peixes]

Be a good girl while I'm gone. I've asked Professor Vantas-Leijon to keep an eye on you. If you need anything, please go see her. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine.

[filtered to staff and against Snow]

I'm going to Oxford to speak to some former colleagues who have dealt with citizenship issues. I'll not have any of our students sent off under Snow's watch.

[Notice that she isn't saying 'any of the staff'. She figures that's dealt with and there's no need to ask.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

ARE YOU ALRIGHT, CONSTANCE?

I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine? Just going to see what can be done on this front in case it happens to a student. The staff appears to be covered.

Take care of yourself.

[Sorry. There's just going to be a few inkblots in place of a proper reply.]

I Wonder If You Might Do Me A Favour While Youre Gone Constance.
Im Very Concerned About The Status Of The "Non-Wizard Part-Human" Section Of Our Student Body.

Is There Any Way We Can Protect Them From This?
That Is, More Effectively Than I Assume We Are Doing Already.

It's on the list. Worked with someone - very nice Norwegian lady - who went into astronomy because of a werewolf bite when she was a little girl. I'll see what she has to say.

[and a private filter.]

I'm not all right in the slightest, but I need to at least act like I am. Would casting a low-level Cheering Charm on myself help at all, or am I completely out of luck?

Thank You Dear.

[Private filter]

I May Have Something That Will Help.
Come And See Me Before You Leave?

No need to thank me.

[and a private filter.]

All right. Are you in the hospital wing now?

I Am.
Come Whenever Youre Ready.

I Also Have Something That I Need To Speak With You About.

[And it's a few minutes later that Constance arrives in the hospital wing. She's only just managed to appear presentable, after all of this.]

[Dolores is waiting for her, and she offers a smile when she walks in]

Hello, Constance.

Hello.

[It's all too obvious that she's been through the wringer. If her face doesn't say it on its own, her voice does the rest.]

What was that you needed to tell me? I'm just glad someone here tells me things to my face...

Ah..

[Well, so much for leading up to it. She beckons the woman to the office at the far end of the hospital wing. Once they're inside, she shuts the door]

I had hoped to make sure that you were alright, first.

I'm nowhere near all right.

[For all that she would normally sit down normally, she all but throws herself into the nearest chair.]

...name the word. Heartbroken, crushed, whatever. Not just for myself. I thought...

[she sighs.]

Murdoc Donoghue is Feferi and Meenah's father. It took a hastily arranged marriage, being widowed, and several more years to get that piece of truth out there.

It took me another two months or so to get up the nerve to admit I had feelings for him. Feelings that - at the time - I was told were reciprocated, but things were complicated. So we say fine, let's give it time.

And then I look and without even having the decency to say what was happening to my face, there's this.

[She points at the journal sticking out of the top of her bag.]

I'm such an idiot.

[She listens in silence and doesn't betray any of her surprise on her face. It's there alright, but she'd never thought to pry into getting such private information from her colleagues. A quick glance is given to the journal as she points to it, then Dolores sits down in the closest chair, reaches out, and touches Constance's hand]

Love makes fools of us all, my dear, but I think you're being too hard on yourself..

I'm not being hard enough on myself. I should have seen this coming the minute the words 'it's complicated' were out of his mouth. I shouldn't have let him string me along.

[The light touch turns to a gentle grip, her cool fingers curling around the other woman's as she tries to think of how best to comfort her. With difficulty, she imagines, but all she can do is try]

It's hard to see those kinds of things when you don't want to see them. Hindsight always makes us reflect on the decisions we made that turned out badly, but that doesn't make them bad decisions.

I don't -

[She sighs, looking down and letting her hair fall in front of her face.]

- I didn't date again after my husband died. I was stuck on the one I let get away. I was a complete idiot.

Caught up in your own feelings, perhaps, but that does not make you an idiot.

[She pauses a moment, then takes Constance's hand in both of hers]

You can linger on this, darling, or you can move on from it.. but that will be your decision to make and I know that neither is as easy as it sounds. Whatever you decide, I will be here for you.

It never seemed fair to move on, and I can't ever completely cut ties. That's not fair to the girls.

...story of my life, I suppose. Being caught between what I want and the restrictions of the world, that is. I had the chance to go up there, Dolores, to see those stars I love so much. And I gave it up for Feferi and Meenah. I don't regret it, but I've always wondered 'what if it had been a few months later?' which is selfish of me.

So I buried myself in work till I realized I hardly recognized the girls I gave up the stars for, and now I'm here. And so is he, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could have a family. Finally do right by the girls.

Now, this.

Constance.. You do have a family. Feferi and Meenah. They are your stars. Your children.

[There's an unusual passion in her voice when she speaks, then her voice lowers, softens, and her gaze drops]

You know that I don't often speak of myself, and I have never mentioned this to anyone here.. I had a son. Simon. His.. father left me when he was only two and I had to raise him alone. I was working so hard, I.. He was hit by a car. He died. He was only six, and he was killed because I wasn't there for him. I realised that far too late.

Treasure your time with your children, Constance. With your family. They still need you.

I'm so sorry...I - I. I had the realization, at least, with Feferi and Meenah. They're why I came back here. I shut myself off from the world and only came back because of them. Of course I'm not going to shut them out again.

I suppose I simply want too much. For myself, for them.

[She smiles, and gives Constance's hand a gentle squeeze]

And that isn't wrong.

[She will always worry about her regardless.]

If i could, i would magical send you a kiss and a )(ug but i can't, please keep yourself safe, w)(ile you are on your trip, I will go talk to professor if i need too.

~~i am sorry~~
~~i wish i could make things bett~~

I love you.

I will. I love you, too, Feferi.

~~ill miss you~~ ~~is there any possible wway i could~~

please come back soon

I'll be back on Friday.

alright i

and dont wworry about fef
im gonna make sure nothin happens to her
i promise

[Trying to not. Make this all about him weep.]

Be careful. And be good, all right?

i wwill

I know we don't have the best track record
And I'm not sure about your f33lings on the matter
But I hope you're alright
And I hope you find out good news in Oxford.

~~Things don't have to end with one person.~~

Edited 2012-09-19 17:32 (UTC)

I'm fine! I'm - really. I'm fine.

[inkblots, then a filter:]

No. No, I'm not fine. I couldn't be further from fine.

Sometimes, they do end with one person. Like when that person is actually your girls' father, you've admitted feelings that - now I don't know if they were mutual or if that was just a lie to make me feel better or what it was, but that's what I thought. It ends when you think that maybe, just maybe, you can fix the past. Actually try for once in your life to have a real family.

I tried. I tried and then had that thrown back in my face because Sybille was irresponsible enough not to take care of her own damn citizenship status, Snow's a bastard who took advantage of that, and Murdoc played me for a fool.

It's over. This can't be fixed.

I don't think he played you for a fool
Honestly
I
~~I assumed he would~~
A real family is what you make of it! Would you tell me my family isn't real? He
~~I meant~~

I don't think he lied. I think he has feelings for you. I think he saw this as an impossible choice. Which Snow made for him.

You shouldn't take your feelings about Murdoc out on Sybille. He made the decision. You should talk to him. Ask if what he meant was real.

Maybe you can still have your family, it just won't be traditional.

Edited 2012-09-19 18:12 (UTC)

I wouldn't tell you that your family isn't real. Of course not! That was a bad word choice. I'm not exactly the paragon of excellent wording right now.

But I think - I don't know what I think, other than that I had it in my head, like an idiot, that things would be simple. That it happens like in books, where people meet again after years and it all works out, easy as pie.

I just know I took the chance to actually be honest about what I was feeling and it got thrown back in my face. Or it feels like it has been, now.

It took so much nerve to actually say all of that. It's not worth putting everything on the line again. It's not just me I have to think about. I can't put the girls through this again.

Constance...
I understand why you f33l this way. That it was thrown back in your face. You have the right to be upset because you feel your feelings were ignored. That they didn't matter to him.

They probably do. Very much. And perhaps I understand you both because were I asked to chose between the people I love, it would be such an impossible thing. Could I chose Sal, who I had a child with and married over Art? I don't know. I am lucky in that I did not have to. But he felt he had to.

He probably still loves you, but circumstances forced him to make a difficult choice. Ind33d, I don't think there was ever a choice that wouldn't hurt someone, be it her, you, or your children.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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#tw: incoming feelings tl;dr

Re: #tw: incoming feelings tl;dr

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