five ♓ text;

[quasistellar]

I apologize for the short notice, but I've been called away to my former laboratory to assist with some measurements. As such, all students will have a free period today and Thursday. I strongly suggest that you all use it to study, because there will be a quiz next week.

If any of you haven't turned in the last assignment, I'll grant an extension until Friday at 3 PM.

[filtered private to Feferi Peixes]

Be a good girl while I'm gone. I've asked Professor Vantas-Leijon to keep an eye on you. If you need anything, please go see her. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine.

[filtered to staff and against Snow]

I'm going to Oxford to speak to some former colleagues who have dealt with citizenship issues. I'll not have any of our students sent off under Snow's watch.

[Notice that she isn't saying 'any of the staff'. She figures that's dealt with and there's no need to ask.]

Comments

[quasistellar]

Hello.

[It's all too obvious that she's been through the wringer. If her face doesn't say it on its own, her voice does the rest.]

What was that you needed to tell me? I'm just glad someone here tells me things to my face...

[wavesofjade]

Ah..

[Well, so much for leading up to it. She beckons the woman to the office at the far end of the hospital wing. Once they're inside, she shuts the door]

I had hoped to make sure that you were alright, first.

[quasistellar]

I'm nowhere near all right.

[For all that she would normally sit down normally, she all but throws herself into the nearest chair.]

...name the word. Heartbroken, crushed, whatever. Not just for myself. I thought...

[she sighs.]

Murdoc Donoghue is Feferi and Meenah's father. It took a hastily arranged marriage, being widowed, and several more years to get that piece of truth out there.

It took me another two months or so to get up the nerve to admit I had feelings for him. Feelings that - at the time - I was told were reciprocated, but things were complicated. So we say fine, let's give it time.

And then I look and without even having the decency to say what was happening to my face, there's this.

[She points at the journal sticking out of the top of her bag.]

I'm such an idiot.

[wavesofjade]

[She listens in silence and doesn't betray any of her surprise on her face. It's there alright, but she'd never thought to pry into getting such private information from her colleagues. A quick glance is given to the journal as she points to it, then Dolores sits down in the closest chair, reaches out, and touches Constance's hand]

Love makes fools of us all, my dear, but I think you're being too hard on yourself..

[quasistellar]

I'm not being hard enough on myself. I should have seen this coming the minute the words 'it's complicated' were out of his mouth. I shouldn't have let him string me along.

[wavesofjade]

[The light touch turns to a gentle grip, her cool fingers curling around the other woman's as she tries to think of how best to comfort her. With difficulty, she imagines, but all she can do is try]

It's hard to see those kinds of things when you don't want to see them. Hindsight always makes us reflect on the decisions we made that turned out badly, but that doesn't make them bad decisions.

[quasistellar]

I don't -

[She sighs, looking down and letting her hair fall in front of her face.]

- I didn't date again after my husband died. I was stuck on the one I let get away. I was a complete idiot.

[wavesofjade]

Caught up in your own feelings, perhaps, but that does not make you an idiot.

[She pauses a moment, then takes Constance's hand in both of hers]

You can linger on this, darling, or you can move on from it.. but that will be your decision to make and I know that neither is as easy as it sounds. Whatever you decide, I will be here for you.

[quasistellar]

It never seemed fair to move on, and I can't ever completely cut ties. That's not fair to the girls.

...story of my life, I suppose. Being caught between what I want and the restrictions of the world, that is. I had the chance to go up there, Dolores, to see those stars I love so much. And I gave it up for Feferi and Meenah. I don't regret it, but I've always wondered 'what if it had been a few months later?' which is selfish of me.

So I buried myself in work till I realized I hardly recognized the girls I gave up the stars for, and now I'm here. And so is he, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could have a family. Finally do right by the girls.

Now, this.

[wavesofjade]

Constance.. You do have a family. Feferi and Meenah. They are your stars. Your children.

[There's an unusual passion in her voice when she speaks, then her voice lowers, softens, and her gaze drops]

You know that I don't often speak of myself, and I have never mentioned this to anyone here.. I had a son. Simon. His.. father left me when he was only two and I had to raise him alone. I was working so hard, I.. He was hit by a car. He died. He was only six, and he was killed because I wasn't there for him. I realised that far too late.

Treasure your time with your children, Constance. With your family. They still need you.

[quasistellar]

I'm so sorry...I - I. I had the realization, at least, with Feferi and Meenah. They're why I came back here. I shut myself off from the world and only came back because of them. Of course I'm not going to shut them out again.

I suppose I simply want too much. For myself, for them.

[wavesofjade]

[She smiles, and gives Constance's hand a gentle squeeze]

And that isn't wrong.