1 Sad, Sad Story

[heartwrenching]

Let me tell you a sad, sad story. It's a story filled with tragedy and the slings and arrows of cruel, cruel fate, so get some tissues ready. You'll be bawlin' your eyes out!

You see, once upon a time - a time that is now - there was a boy. Is-was?! Tenses. What am I supposed to do with tenses in a framing device like this?! I'm talking about now, but convention dictates past tense for tales of tragedy and woe like this, ones on par with the sad stories of the Ancient Greeks, where people accidentally married their mothers and the like. Which frankly I never understood. Now, I like older women - I like them a lot! - but there comes a point where you just gotta look at the situation and think, "This broad could conceivably have given birth to me." I'm just sayin' it should give you some pause so you can evaluate your life choices.

Now what was I - RIGHT, the tale of anger and frustration!!

Anyway, this boy kept seeing people moaning about getting on a certain sports team - let's call it Shmidditch for anonymity's sake. And this boy - ah - he loved Shmidditch. And he was good at it. Great, even. And while he'd normally be a shoo-in for getting on the team, a pack of cold-hearted wizards who spend all of what little time they've got on this great earth sitting around in dusty rooms and always, always, always sneering down on anything and everything that doesn't fit just so into the neat little boxes of conduct that they approve of conspired against him to prevent him from even trying out!

So the boy was sad. No, the boy was angry. No, the boy was... - the boy is a lot of things all of the time.

But what you should take away from this little fable is that the boy hates it when people don't appreciate what they have, especially when they rub their false, pretend tragedies in everyone's face. And the boy has very particular ways of dealing with the things he hates.

Comments

[greenteengenius]

You are terrible at telling stories.

[heartwrenching]

I respectfully disagree with your completely wrong opinion! Everything about my little tale there - from the flow to the cadence to the content - make perfect sense to me. Maybe you're terrible at listening.

[greenteengenius]

I can parse it, it just wasn't worth the time. Next time, aim for brevity.

For example:

"I missed my chance at Quidditch, and yet you idiots are complaining about getting to play. This makes me homicidal. You may wish to stuff it."

See? Easy.

[heartwrenching]

Easy? Easy?

Such short sentences can't begin to accurately convey all the information buzzing around in my head. And therein lies the problem! If I were to aim for brevity, as you recommend, I would not only fail to express myself properly but also fail to have people understand the SHEER VOLUME of feelings I have about the subject! It's the death of communication! Brevity is the nail driven into the coffin of proper human discourse, upon which all our triumphs as a civilized society are built!! Brevity is the harbinger of the downfall of mankind itself!!

[greenteengenius]

That doesn't seem information so much as emotion. The two are altogether different. And you could express your emotions in other ways, such as making unsubtle threats.

[heartwrenching]

Ah, but you are wrong, wrong, wrong! Geez! If wrongness had weight, I would be on the ground gasping for air, because you've just smacked me with ten tons of wrong right to the solar plexus! Damn, I can almost feel it crushing my ribs!!

Emotion and information are not different. No, no, no - they're the opposite sides of a coin. Remove one side and you've got the value of the coin, but not where the currency is valid! Remove the other, and you know where you are, but not what that's worth. It's an existence devoid of context - life in a void - life without meaning!

[greenteengenius]

You're a Gryffindor, aren't you.

[heartwrenching]

If you're taking Divination, I can say it's paying off for you!

I am that, yes, though the Hat took a fair bit of time puzzling it out. Kept mumbling things about racing thoughts and instability and other stuff that totally doesn't apply to me.

[greenteengenius]

I must admit that you are giving off the impression of emotion that you desire.

Fortunately, I have had nothing to do with Quidditch.

[heartwrenching]

Desire? Who's desiring? Who knows if what I desire has anything to do with anything! Maybe the emotions just spill out on their own!! Maybe they're the ones in control, and I'm just their vessel - just something shaped together out of meat to give them form and function!! But if so, that would make people like you who scoff at the power of emotion empty shells. So tell me, do you feel like a husk?

Since you're not one of the people whining about getting something you tried out for, I bear you no Quidditch-related ill will. Rejoice in this fact, for my will can be very ill indeed.

[greenteengenius]

What you're saying is that you are nothing but a conduit for forces that work through you, forces that could be anything at any moment. Whereas I am moved only by my own will, in total control of my own life.

Would that be accurate? Would that be favorable?