TWO ♋ FILTERED from JADE HARLEY

[selfhatred]

WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME NEXT HOGSMEADE WEEKEND WAS FUCKING VALENTINE'S DAY WEEKEND???

Comments

[mo_cara]

lIkE hOw?

[selfhatred]

LIKE THERE'S GOING TO BE HEAPS OF FUCKING COUPLES AROUND?
I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA IF SHE FUCKING LIKES ME.
HELL I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING MESS THINGS UP.

[mo_cara]

[ ... yeah, that's going to be a little lonely and sad. Oh, well, he's still got a bro who needs his help here!]

sHe LiKeS yOu, My BrOtHeR, yOu JuSt GoT tO tElL hEr AlL tHoSe FiZzY sOdA pOp FeElInGs WhAt ArE aLl BuMpInG uP iN yOuR pUmP bIsCuIt AnD yOuR pAn.
AnD aIn'T tHaT jUsT aBoUt ThE pErFeCtEsT mOtHeRfUcKiN tImE eVeR?

[selfhatred]

IT'S NOT THAT EASY, GAMZEE.
I DON'T WANT TO RUIN ANYTHING IF SHE FUCKING REJECTS ME.

[mo_cara]

WhAt AlL iS tHeRe BeInG tO rUiN?
sHe AiN't GoNnA sToP bEiNg YoUr FrIeNd BeCaUsE yOu LiKe HeR tOo MuCh, ThAt'S sTuPiD.
yOu JuSt GoTtA lAy OnE oN hEr LiKe In YoUr MoThErFuCkIn MoViEs!

[selfhatred]

[There's silence on his end for a few minutes before his chicken scratch reappears.]

CAN WE HAVE A FEELINGS JAM?
LIKE RIGHT NOW OR SOMETHING?
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN FUCKING TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT OVER PAPER.

[mo_cara]

oN mY wAy, BeSt FrIeNd.

[selfhatred]

LIBRARY.

[mo_cara]

[And in a surprisingly short amount of time, for the Slytherin who seemed to have to wander the entire school before he could end up in any one place, Gamzee is slouching into the library, hands in his pockets, looking around for the younger boy. Karkat doesn't often ask for his help like this, and while the Gryffindor's never said he reciprocated the 'best friend' title that's been bestowed on him, Gamzee doesn't care - he'll still act like they are, no matter what.]

[selfhatred]

[That's the one thing Karkat's always liked about Gamzee. Though it's a bit sadistic of him, he knows that if he says jump, Gamzee will jump. If he says 'feelings jam, now', he'll come to wherever he is. This wasn't any different. Gamzee will find him sitting at a table in the corridor of bookshelves that encase the library, head buried in his arms which are drawn up around him.]

[mo_cara]

[The tall boy made a beeline for Karkat, leaning his hip against the table as he pulls up. He sifts his long fingers gently through the Gryffindor's thick shag of hair, not quite sure if the other boy will allow it in the library, but willing to risk getting snapped at.]

Hey, motherfucker.

[selfhatred]

[There's a mumbled 'hey' somewhere between his arms, but Karkat makes no move to shove the other's hand off of his head, or snap at him. He's feeling too emotionally drained after talking to Maka, doesn't even have enough strength to snap. He tilts his head so he can look at the Slytherin out the corner of his eye without moving much.]

[mo_cara]

[Gamzee doesn't even much think about it - when he sees the smaller boy so tired looking, not even looking up much, he hooks a chair with one long leg, tugging it over with a scraping sound that earns him a dirty look or two. He shoves the chair right up next to Karkat's and drops down into it.

Then he leans forward and folds his entire body over the other boy, long arms going around him, cheek resting against the nape of Karkat's neck. He doesn't say anything, just stays there, curled protectively around his friend.]

[selfhatred]

[His face twitches with a wince at the scraping sound but other than that he doesn't move much. He just tries to bury his head further into his arms when he feels Gamzee wrap around him, instead he draws himself in further, saying nothing, just letting the other boy hold him. He doesn't care much about what it might look like.]

[mo_cara]

[It's not the world's most comfortable position, but Gamzee would probably stay like this for hours, if he needed to. So he just stays there, one hand over Karkat's arm and rubbing it soothingly, the other stroking his hair. He's not sure why Karkat is so upset about this - he's pretty sure Jade actually like his little friend a lot - but he is, and the Slytherin isn't the type to interrogate. That's more the Gryffindor's style: what's wrong, how do we fix it? Maybe that's why Karkat's so good at advice for other people, but not himself.

After a few moments, though, Gamzee starts up a very soft, rhythmic sort of wordless singing or humming, nothing anyone but Karkat can hear. It's something he picked up when he was very, very young, when his mother would leave him along for sometimes a whole day, with nothing but a magically replenishing milk bottle, or later a cereal bowl. He used to talk and sing to himself to keep himself company, and the soft, gentle sound is something he associates with reassurance and calm.]

[selfhatred]

[Karkat reaches up slightly to rub at one eye after a while. He's heard Gamzee sing before so it's not that surprising when the other boy starts humming. He doesn't do much at all aside from sit there with a Slytherin hanging off his back, but when he does speak, he sounds as tired as he looks.]

I'm so fucked up.

[mo_cara]

Tell me, brother.

[That's another convenient trait of Gamzee's - he really doesn't judge much. He doesn't argue, either - there's no rushing in to argue that, no, he isn't, Karkat's perfectly fine and normal. If the Gryffindor says he's fucked up, then, okay, he's fucked up.]

[selfhatred]

[He finally leans way from the table and back into the other's arms, running a hand through his hair before he speaks again, tilting his head back against Gamzee's chest to look up at the other.]

Why do I try so hard, Gam? It's not like anyone actually takes my advice seriously. Hell I can't even take my own advice and make fucking use of it.

[mo_cara]

It's important to you, ain't it? [Gamzee asks, looking down at the other boy.] I mean, this shit really matters to you, right? Ain't that why you be all up and working so hard at it?

[selfhatred]

Well...yeah it matters to me. [He draws his legs up to his chest, setting his feet on the edge of his chair before leaning forward into them.] But Maka's right. Life's not a fucking romcom so I shouldn't be trying so fucking hard to make it like one.

[mo_cara]

I dunno. I guess I just don't think it's some bad thing to want people to be happy and find love and all that shit. And try and help 'em do it. That ain't be all like in movie land, that shit be real. Love, I mean.

[kisses the top of Karkat's head with a faint smile]

[selfhatred]

[He pauses a little at the kiss to his forehead.]

I guess. I've never been in a relationship though, so how the fuck do I know I'm not just screwing things up for everyone involved? Like I always do?

[mo_cara]

Bro, my pan's all twisty and crunked up in confusingness. What have you done and screwed up?

[selfhatred]

Everything. And even if I haven't screwed it up yet it's going to happen in the future.

[He gives a sigh.]

I always do.

[mo_cara]

Bullshit. [casually] Total motherfuckin' bollocks.