sortinghat_rp | 013 | Sunday evening

Have you ever thought that maybe I feel a bit upset as well? You're supposed to care but have you ever really bothered with much in the past two weeks?
No.
So don't even try to put this on me, when it seems like I'm merely obligation for you. Considering you didn't care much until he died, why would now make much of a difference?

But you've got an excuse for everything. Forget to inform your nephew about important family matters? Let's blame it on that pesky custody battle you won't even talk about! Way to make said nephew feel good about things, am I right? I mean, it's like no big deal. Who cares if it makes it painfully obvious that everything wrong with right now is because his existence poses a problem for everyone. A+

Of course, who am I to criticise anything? So rude of me. I should learn my place. Doesn't change the fact your own behaviour leaves much to be desired and you seem so scorned in regards to Professor Donoghue and I cannot fathom why for the life of me.

I suppose we're feeling about the same in that regard.

You're acting like I just up and abandoned you, Dirk! It's not like we haven't spoke at all lately, I've just been giving you a little space. I thought that's what you'd want, so you could try and feel better.

And don't even go there. Do not even fucking go there, Dirk. We've talked about it and you know how bad it is. If you had questions, all you had to fucking do is ask! And how can you invalidate everything like that? You honestly fucking thing that after everything, I think you're an obligation? A problem?

That's bullshit. That's so much fucking bullshit. How many times do I have to tell you I love you before it sticks? How many times do I have to say it before you start having just an ounce of faith in me? The custody battle isn't a fucking excuse. It's a real fucking deal and it's taking up a LOT of my focus. It's not just my fucking scapegoat.

And you know what I can't fathom? Why anything with Donoghue and I is so important to you. I mean, what does it even really matter? Why are your panties getting twisted up so much about it? I just don't fucking get it.

That's not how it's seemed to me. Perhaps you should check yourself before you berate me like that. Because it's seemed like you haven't wanted to talk to me, which tie into my previously mentioned conclusions. I can't be blamed for that. It's logical reasoning.

Rather than continuing to argue with you, maybe I can put it in perspective for you simply: if I did not think this, why would I bother saying it at all? To purposefully spite you? I'm not that petty.

In regards to the latter thing, perhaps it's that there's something legitimately off. I can't put my finger on it, and you being so buttmad over it makes it even more obvious.

This has gone on long enough. You need to stop being so goddamn disrespectful. I'm not the fucking kid here, contrary to popular fucking belief, and it's starting to piss me off that you're treating it that way. Step the fuck down.

I don't understand why the hell you feel that way. Not after how many times we've talked about it. If you were a burden or a problem or any of the shit you probably assume yourself as being, would I really fucking have gone through any of the effort I have? Yeah, maybe it hurts to be reminded that this is still ongoing. Maybe it hurts to know you're the center of a huge, goddamned serious situation. But that's just the fucking truth of it. It doesn't mean you have to feel like a burden. It doesn't mean you have to feel bad about it. Because I don't fucking blame you for any of it, Dirk! I never have and I never goddamn will. Do you think I'm bringing it up to be petty? Because I'm fucking not.

It's complicated. That's all I can say right now. But there's nothing to worry about.

Whatever. I'm done with this conversation. Perhaps we'll just disagree on this forever because I'm failing to find a place of agreeance. I can find many reasons for you to try so hard. As I mentioned before, out of obligation, but not to me. If things hadn't been so bad before you wouldn't try so hard now. It's hard for me to believe anything otherwise when you act so inconsistent towards me.

Uh huh. Whatever. I don't care anymore.

it's

not

out

of

any

fucking

obligation

I'm doing it because I fucking care about you! I'd have thought out of every goddamn thing, that would be the most consistent. What the fuck have I done wrong? What makes you think otherwise?

I fucking like him, Dirk.

Do you consistently or only when I'm upset, because as I've mentioned, it's hard to tell either way as of late. That's the problem. And yes I'm aware that's been addressed. But maybe I don't need space. Maybe I need someone to seem like they'll be there as long as I need them to and make themselves approachable. Because, spoiler alert: your version of giving space is as I've just stated.

And? I like him too.

Dirk

I thought I have been. I thought I was always there whenever you needed me. And whenever you didn't. I told you you could come to my room whenever. I've always tried to fucking be there. And even when I'm not there for whatever reason, it doesn't mean I stop caring.
When he came back, it was hard for me. I lost him all over again. Maybe it was me who needed a little space. Maybe I had it wrong. I'm sorry that it made it seem like I don't care, though. Because I do. I really, seriously. do. More than you can ever fucking imagine. I don't know how to get you to see that.

I
we
I mean I really
like him.

Why would I have done that when I thought you were still mad at me. It's not like it can be helped now. Everything is already said and done.
Yeah it wasn't like
A walk in the park or anything for me, you know.
Ok.

Like him as in friends or in the way Alfred talked about? With being boyfriends and butt touching?

I was never mad at you. I just didn't know what to say. That was my own fault and I'm sorry.
I know it was hard.
I know I fucked up. I'm sorry. Please don't hold it against me, because I love you. A lot. I never meant to hurt you or make it seem like I didn't care.

boyfriends

Ok. I'll keep this in mind.

_{[He's still upset. Just because they're not actively arguing anymore doesn't mean that he instantly feels better.]}

Oh.
When I was talking about myself I didn't mean it that way.

I love you.

[He's repeating himself because he knows that. He knows it can't just be instantly better. He wants Dirk to know it and believe it, though. He just wants everything to be alright.]

Yeah, I kinda figured that.

But yeah, that's why he was there that night. He was trying to make me feel better. We were

...

cuddling, I guess. It was comforting.

But we're not boyfriends! Like, at all. It's complicated. I don't... even think we'll be anything soon, to be honest. Because I'm just in the way.

I do too.

_{[Now he's just not sure how to react. It's really conflicting emotions that's he's feeling right now; on one hand there's the lingering negative ones from their argument. And then there's just... all the confusion from everything Bro is telling him. He's eleven. There's very little that he knows about relationships. It doesn't help that as long as he could remember, he never met any of his dad's girlfriends, if he even had one. He's used to single-parent family units. He's never dealt with a romantic interest being involved.

He's not used to knowing this much information either. The fact that he's ignorant on these matters doesn't help much either. He doesn't know what to say, what to think, or how to feel. He doesn't even know what to think about the fact that his uncle is interested in another guy. The only other instance of this he's aware of is between Arthur and Alfred, which didn't bother him because he doesn't really think about it much and he likes both of them well enough.

This is different because it's his uncle. Really, it's just confusing. There really aren't positive or negative emotions tied to any of this right now.]}

I'll be frank and admit I'm at a loss of how to respond to this.
Because it honestly comes as a big surprise.
I'm not sure how Dave'll feel about this. I'm not sure how I feel. I suppose the more important question right now is whether you'd forget about us or not.

[That makes him feel better, at least. For a moment. Like maybe they're on the right track.

But then Dirk writes more, and he isn't sure how to feel. Dirk's reaction isn't negative, but it's... not positive either. He just doesn't know what to say to most of it.]

Don't you remember the conversation we had? The one where I said no matter what, you and Dave will always come first? That was about this. I'll never forget about you or Dave.

I never meant to get feelings for him anyway. It just happened. Sometimes I wish it didn't.

Okay. That makes it slightly better.
I would seriously punch you otherwise.

What about the engaged thing?

Believe me, if it happened, I would let you punch me a hundred times. But it won't, so that's irrelevant.

It's complicated.

But I guess you're getting tired of hearing that, aren't you?
So... can you keep a secret? Probably the biggest secret you've ever had to keep... ever.

It's not that I don't trust you... It's more like I want to make sure you want to be burdened with this. It's pretty big. And I shouldn't put it on you, but. I'm willing to trust you, if you actually want to hear it.

[He's trying to take Murdoc's advice. Telling Dirk things to make him feel trustworthy and stuff. He's just trying to make this better any way he knows how, even if it's probably not a good idea in the end.]

_{[Bro, Dirk is eleven, remember? Normally this would indicate that maybe he shouldn't be trusted with huge secrets. But the difference is that Dirk tries to hard to act mature and stuff--he's not going to turn down a chance to prove himself in that regard. So for now, he's trying to push all other feelings aside.]}

Good. I don't want to have to break my hand.

I can handle it. What is it?

[Yeah, maybe it was a bad idea to trust Dirk with this, of all things. But he did trust Dirk. And he knew- or at least he really, really hoped that Dirk would be able to keep it a secret. And he just wanted to be able to answer Dirk's questions truthfully. He was tired of having to hide shit.]

The wedding is only happening because Snow threatened to deport Matteris.

She doesn't even love him.

_{[It takes Dirk a moment to reply.]}

I was aware of the first part, not the latter. So everything is just a matter of keeping up appearances? I told Professor Donoghue that it seemed fairly obvious when it was first announced.

Edited 2012-10-14 09:26 (UTC)

Yeah, pretty much. She said a lot of bad shit about him, too. It's definitely just an act. She's trying to save her own goddamn skin at this point. She doesn't even care about him.

[Probably not the best idea, bashing Dirk's charms teacher. But damn it he's bitter. And, he tells himself, it's all part of the truth.]

It was pretty obvious, yeah.

It's still pretty complicated, though. He loves her.

So basically,
You're in an unrequited love triangle?

[Inblots.

See, when it's put like that, Bro is even more unsure of the whole goddamn thing. It makes him wish he'd never gotten involved in the first place.]

Yeah, I guess so.

But

I mean, it isn't totally unrequited in regards to me.

We went on a date.

So. He likes you. But he's in love with her?
Correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't know anything about this sort of situation, but that sounds really fucked up.

Yeah, I guess so.

On both accounts.

[Fuck. Everything. This isn't a conversation he wants to be having at all.]

But I mean

he hasn't had the chance to fall in love with me yet.

Maybe it'll happen. And it's not like I love him yet, either.

I just like him a lot.

Edited 2012-10-14 10:11 (UTC)

Okay.
I will take your word for it.
It's still weird because he's a guy though.

★

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