Monkey Slut - what's the chances of that coming up in a normal conversation?

[smackmybitchup]

 So it's that time of year again where I have to say sadly there is only one of me ladies, so don't get your hopes too high up thinking that I'm going to ask you to the ball. If I could please everyone, I would. But sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Possible sacrifices include multiple female dates to the ball.





Are the rumours true? Is Wrinklefucker really leaving? Has he left? Wrinklefucker I will miss you dearly. You'll forever have a place in my heart!

Comments

[tomatatas]

Language Mr Young.

[smackmybitchup]

is this an offer to go to the ball with me?

[tomatatas]

Not even if I was drunk and stupid.

[smackmybitchup]

Hey i'm not saying the night couldn't lead there.

[tomatatas]

Not in your dreams you horrid little boy.

Didn't your mother teach you to be respectful.

[smackmybitchup]

I'm not little. In any aspect of the word. And really, i resent the word horrid as an adjective too.

i'm super respectful, remember that time i told you you had a massive rack and i thought you were fit?

[tomatatas]

You're a little boy, and an exceedingly horrid one. In fact you're more then that but I don't know a better English word.

[Yeah that is a small explosion of ink on the page]

That. Was not respectful.

[smackmybitchup]

sexy works.

it was respectful.

[tomatatas]

I'm aware of what that word means and no.

It was completely inappropriate and if you do not show more respectful there will be consequences.

[psychiclilies]

Y'know, maybe you should get over yourself. More girls might be interested in dating a try hard that way.

[smackmybitchup]

I got over myself the other night before bed.

[psychiclilies]

Uh-huh.

[smackmybitchup]

i'm not lying, wiped it clean off on Moriarty's bed's drapes, proofs all there if you don't believe me.

[psychiclilies]

...I did not need to know that.

No wonder you can't get a date if you give personal information like that to a 12 year old girl regularly.

[smackmybitchup]

Who says I can't get a date?

And anyway i'll have you know you're going to grow up one day, I'm doing you a favour.

[psychiclilies]

Your entry kinda screams that you don't have one.

I wouldn't call that a favor.

[smackmybitchup]

I've just started the harvest.

it totally is though, so you're welcome.

[psychiclilies]

'Harvest'.

How about you go die in a fire?

[smackmybitchup]

i'd really rather not.

[psychiclilies]

Then I'll be sure to set it in motion next time I see you.

[smackmybitchup]

are you hitting on me? i'm not a paedophile.

[psychiclilies]

What part of threatening to set you on fire sounds like I'm hitting on you?

I already have a boy I like. Now sod off.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Wrinklefucker.

Implying anything would ever let him within a ten mile radius while he's naked. Not even wrinkles. They see him coming and they iron themselves out.

[smackmybitchup]

Good point, but you've got to imagine how wrinkly his balls are, y'know?

[plushaeusrumpified]

See, up until now I'd tried avoiding that. But now I can't.

Gotta admit though, they're probably wrinklier than an elephant's.

The real question though is why you're thinking of his balls in the first place. Got something to tell the class?

[smackmybitchup]

you really can't say you wonder about that? like imagine granny shagging, you wouldn't know what was wrinkle and what was snatch.

[plushaeusrumpified]

The only time I think about grannies are when I'm trying to kill an urge. But thanks, I gotta hand it to you. You've given me the best way to do that. Really.

[smackmybitchup]

I always think of that or honeydew when I'm trying to kill one.

I don't know why.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Honeydew. Yeah, there's definitely a new one.

But there's an idea. Strap a honeydew scented necklace around you to keep you in check. 'Cuz I see you giving everybody a hard time like an obnoxious little perv.

You need to calm the hell down, that don't endear you to the ladies at all, bro.

[smackmybitchup]

hey lets both be honest here, when you look this good none of that matters.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Maybe out in the world of nightclubs and bars. I've learned that here, it ain't so much the case. You gotta prove yourself, you can't just go strutting around like you own the place. All you're gonna accomplish by that is making yourself look like an idiot.

[quasistellar]

Language, Mr Young. Five points from Slytherin, and it'll be more if you don't clean it up.

[smackmybitchup]

hey there's enough of me to go around, just because these other lovely ladies have taken an interest doesn't mean we can't go to the ball.

[quasistellar]

Twenty, for inappropriate behaviour towards a teacher, and you'll get to think it over while polishing the silver in the Great Hall. By hand. No magic.

[smackmybitchup]

i can polish all night.

[quasistellar]

Do you want the rest of Slytherin to dislike you for losing all the points they've gained for winning in Quidditch? Because you're going down that road awfully fast, Mr Young.

[smackmybitchup]

We won in Quidditch?

[quasistellar]

Yes. Slytherin did win. And you're well on the way to losing all the points the house gained for it in one fell swoop. That's not something to take pride in.

[smackmybitchup]

I'm sort of a glass half full, balls attached, all the hair on my head sort of guy. if i do something spectacular i'm not going to put myself down for it.

[quasistellar]

Fifty more points from Slytherin: twenty-five from hitting on Miss Zanotto after she told you to stop bothering her, and another twenty-five from hitting on Professor Vargas.

That's seventy-five down already, plus a month's detention cleaning in the Great Hall.

And I'll be telling the school about this, so that no one takes this as an example.

[smackmybitchup]

I'm not a paedophile! I was not hitting on her! This is discrimination!

What do you have against the Irish?!

[quasistellar]

You'll be serving all of that detention under the watchful eyes of Slytherin's house ghost, the Bloody Baron. Talk to him about discrimination.

And if you try to tell me I have a problem with discrimination against anyone of Irish descent at this school, Mr Young, considering my daughters are half-Irish, then you'll be scrubbing lavatories every weekend for the rest of the school year. Is that clear?

[doctorkishitani]

Is Wrinklefucker a colloquialism? I don't think I've heard that one before.

[smackmybitchup]

....Stop being weird.

[doctorkishitani]

I didn't think I was being odd, but perhaps it might have been a strange question, depending on how common the expression actually is.

In any case, forgive my ignorace, but the English language does have quite a few unusual expressions and it is hard to keep track of them all.

[mo_cara]

wOaH, tHeRe WaS a DuDe WhAt WaS sTiCkInG hIs PrIcK iN wRiNkLeS?
dAaAaAaAmN, tHaT lAdY mUsT hAvE bEeN cRaZy MoThErFuCkIn OlD.

[Voice]

[fairyride]

Someone is really confident right now.