sortinghat_rp | (no subject)

But what if he did? Do something motherfuckin' monumental fuck-up? [peering down at Karkat worriedly]

If he's done something wrong he needs to be punished for it, that's the whole point of laws, Gamzee.

[He reaches up and strokes his face comfortingly.]

But worrying like crazy isn't going to help you. Shinra is at least still a kid, so at most all they could do to him is break his wand.
And if his dad has... Well, do wizards have foster care?

[frowns, leaning into Karkat's hand, voice quieting a little] Just don't be seeming right, is all, to be putting no motherfuckers in jail like that. If he made Shinra, and Shinra's good, 'cause he is, then he can't be too bad of a dude, right? No matter what he done.

[He keeps stroking his face.]

My dad was a military hero, and I'm really nothing like that. Just because someone's good doesn't mean their parents are. Fuck. Just because all the Strider's are irritating douchebags, doesn't mean all the apples fall straight down without rolling away.

Dirk's okay. [automatically, though he's not really thinking about any of the Striders right now] But you kind of could be a hero, you know? Like, you got that shit in you to be that.

He's just as much as a smug bell-end as the rest of them.

I know I have more than a few amazing qualities, but hero isn't not going to be one of them, don't be stupid.

Yeah, but he ain't as much of a prick about it. [closing his eyes] I know I got a lot of holes all in my pan, but that don't mean I don't know you can do some great motherfuckin' shit, if you have to. It's all down to circumstance. Some people, when shit goes down, they break and run, or they flip, do the nasty to a lot of people what ain't deserving it. And some people, they get scared, but they stand up anyway, do what they got to be doing. Me, I'm one of those first motherfuckers. You ain't, though. You're that other kind.

[Gamzee's tone is melancholy - he believes this whole heartedly, but he's not feeling so great right now, and he's not invested in convincing Karkat. He just knows it's true, and he says it with a simple matter-of-factness that's hard to argue with.]

[Karkat sighs, feeling a little deflated that with Gamzee saying this like he's telling his friend that the sun rises and sets, and the moon has phases, Karkat can't exactly argue any of it.]

Okay, sure. I'm the most fantastic person on the planet and everyone should be lining up to sing my praises and erect statues. But until that shit actually starts happening. Do you want me to get you a drink? Or we could go outside, because you could probably do with fresh air to filter through the holes in that Swiss cheese pan.

[If he were in a better mood, Gamzee would totally be sniggering at that 'erect statues' line. Instead, he just gives Karkat a surprised look.] Really? You'd do that for a brother? I thought you weren't liking it when I was getting krunk.

[He sighs.]

I meant water, or pumpkin juice, you louse. Do you really think this is the kind of time to go at let yourself get shitfaced? Because it sounds incredibly pointless and moronic to me.

[If pushed he will let it happen, but only because any Gamzee is better than a depressed Gamzee. And it kills Karkat to see him like this.]

It's the best time. [quietly] 'Cause I ain't liking feeling this way much at all. It's even worse than when I thought there weren't nobody never going to like me like that, 'cause now I found the one motherfucker who might, and he has to go. And maybe if my pan's all melty and liquid, I don't have to be thinking on it.

[He sighs.] Just a little bit, okay? Because I don't want either of us getting into shit because of Shinra's inconsiderate fuck of a father.

Okay. [giving Karkat an expectant look, since he said he was going to get Gamzee a drink - the Slytherin doesn't have any, or he'd already be drunk off his tits right now]

[Karkat blinks for a second then realises it's his problem to get it.]

What? Wait a second, I don't know where any of that shit is kept!? How am I meant to even start looking for booze? Because I'm pretty damn sure I just can't ask the kitchen!

[Gamzee's expression turns mournful, then, and he just shrugs, looking down at his feet.] Yeah, I guess not.

[He stares at him for a long moment then groans.] Well, genius. Do you know where some could even be? And it better be worth it because if I get fucking caught over this I am so killing you after I'm expelled.

They got shit for cooking in the kitchens? [Gamzee suggests, glancing up at Karkat again hopefully.] And ain't no one gonna expel you, it's my fault, and anyway, your uncle wouldn't be letting them do that, right?

Yeah, but I'd be the one caught with the cooking sherry in my hand.

He can not want me expelled all he wants. But if I've done something wrothy of it, not even he can do anything about it. Now can he?

Can't he? [looks genuinely surprised] I ain't never been expelled and I done tons of bad shit.

That's because your uncle is scarier than anything a boggart could come up with for most people. Actually, to be honest I think he is what some people would see when they're in front of a god damn boggart.

[blinks, then looks confused] My uncle? My da ain't got no brothers.

[Karkat goes paler than normal for a second, he had forgotten that Gamzee didn't actually know yet. Karkat's mind spins as he tries to think of a way to back pedal.]

Ah, fuck. You know know who I mean. Professor Rhydderch. He's got this whole freaky ass aura that you have. So it's like he's you're creepy as fuck uncle.

[That was totally a save...Right?]

[Well, Gamzee doesn't think he's talking about a literal uncle now, which is something? But he's still totally confused.] I guess? ... I have a freaky ass aura?

Are you seriously going to sit there and assume people don't find you freaky?

Well, yeah, but not like that. Professor Rhydderch is pretty motherfuckin' cool, but he's scary, too. I ain't scary. [Oh yes he is, when he's angry, but Gamzee doesn't think of himself that way.] I'm just weird.