sortinghat_rp | 04 [backdated to the early morning of the 19th]

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04 [backdated to the early morning of the 19th]

[Filtered from teachers and any particularly detention-happy prefects]

[Inkblots. Oh God, inkblots, inkblots everywhere. And the following is scribbled hastily.]

Just woke up to quite a surprise and after nearly being shocked into having a damn heart attack, my biggest question is -

WHO THE HELL TAUGHT SHERLOCK HOW TO GET INTO HUFFLEPUFF?!

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Which reminds me. This summer I would like to come to your place for a short time. Just to sort your family out. Have they met many wizards?

Well... no, they haven't. There was the professor who came with the invitation letter, and they didn't really know what to make of Diagon Alley the one time we all went together before I started going on my own. But that's it. You're welcome to visit. Honestly, whatever you do, I'm not sure how much it'll change their opinion.

[He pauses for a second and something seems to dawn on him.]

This summer, huh? Harry and Clara's ceremony is scheduled right around when school lets out. Unless they have to push it back. ... again.

[Sherlock smirks. He's no longer under the trace so, really, by whatever means nessessary, he's sure he can fix John's little family issue.]

What ceremony?

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention it. My sister's getting married.

Oh. Well, I'll be sure to avoid that particular time of the holiday, then. We'll coordinate something.

Well... honestly, if I don't manage to get a date for the thing, I suppose wouldn't mind if you were my guest for it. It's not like the thing's going to be formal, anyway. And if I'm going to be driven mad at this thing, which is practically a given, it might as well be your brand of entertaining madness.

So you want me to be your fallback?

I... suppose that's doable. Might require a few enchantments afterward but nothing I can't study up on now to save face later.

It does sound pretty ridiculous when you put it that way. But I suppose... yeah, technically.

And enchantments? What d'you mean? If you think we'd be needing to Obliviate people left and right, I was hoping that wouldn't be necessary. [He sighs.] Though at least I'll be out from under the Trace by then and can lend a hand if it comes to it.

Obliviate was rather the spell I had in mind.

[He can't help but smile. John has become quite good at reading into his intentions.]

Only if nessessary, of course. I'm sure you'll find a proper date by then but, should all else fail, I will be prepared.

Yeah, well, as much as I am an open book in front of all your deductive skills, you can be pretty easy to read yourself, sometimes. Mostly when it comes to situations involving potential mischief around people you might find boring.

Still, thanks again for being willing to come along if it comes to it. I hope to have an actual date for it, but if not, at least you'd be sure to come up with inventive ways to help me dodge the inevitable questions from extended family about what I'm getting up to in school.

Just don't think this means I have nothing better to do than wait around to see if I'm needed. Though as far as dodging inevitable questions, one can only hope your family is better about it than mine.

Oh, no, don't worry about that. If something comes up for you and I don't have a date for whatever reason, I'll figure something out.

But as for the misunderstanding thing, uh... I wouldn't count on it. Might be worse, actually, given the type of wedding. Unfortunately, I think a lot of "John, you too?" and "But you've had girlfriends..." might come up.

Well, we are wizards. I could always polyjuice myself into an acceptable date.

[John actually jolts and shudders at that.]

Oh GOD, no. No, no... just. I mean, I guess I'm almost weirdly flattered you'd be willing to go that far for the ruse, but, uh... no. Please don't. I don't think a proper word's been invented yet for how overwhelmingly weird and awkward that would be.

Interesting that you'd rather the awkward of having people question your male "plus one" than avoid public inquiry with a gendered swapped date.

Yeah, well, I'd know, even if all my Muggle relatives couldn't find a single thing off about my "new girlfriend".

Besides, what if it wore off while we were still hanging around them? Multiply whatever awkward questions they could hurl about us being gay by a thousand. Then I'd insist on Obliviating everyone in a 10 mile radius just to be sure.

True. Best to go it the easy route.

[Well, that answered that question. John isn't even remotely interested in him. Tony is a dumb-ass but at least Sherlock has proof that will get him to shut up finally.

It's sort of.. numbing... all the same.]

I'm not so sure I'd call it the easy route as much as it is the honest one. If they'd rather cluck over some juicy gay gossip than listen to and accept what we say... well, that's unfortunate. It really is. But if I absolutely had to choose, I'd take that over you having to take a potion that's by all accounts utterly nasty and pretend you're someone you're not, even if it's a socially accepted type of someone.

And only some of that's because I'm really not a great actor and would absolutely botch the whole thing.

Edited 2013-01-31 13:26 (UTC)

No, I agree. The less said the better. We conduct ourselves as friends and anyone observing will come to the correct conclusion if they bother paying attention. Anything else would be over-complicating it.

[John sighs, relieved.]

Oh, good. I'm glad I don't have to talk you down from that polyjuice plan. If I was that desperate to try to pull one over on my family, I'd have invited you to this thing and then said something like, "And here's the skirt you'll be wearing."

[Chuckles]

I'd at least expect you to give me enough for-notice to shave.

Among other things, yeah. Though God knows how you'd research things like how to use the restroom while your... pipes are magically rerouted. Or what to do about bras. Those things are a nightmare, and that's just trying to get them off someone. Who knows what dark powers are needed to actually get the damned things on.

[.... Is actually considering the scientific method to such research...]

I don't recall having to put too much thought into learning to urinate the first time. I imagine most biological functions are fairly simple to reason out. Never touched a bra, though.

[Oh geez. Sherlock had to know the differences between men and women... didn't he? He might profess to having no interest in sex in general and women in particular, but he had to have been given The Talk, right?]

Sherlock... er, I'm not so sure if it's the kind of thing the polyjuice potion replicates, but on the off chance that it is, you do know there are some biological functions women go through that men don't, right? Ones that require a pretty detailed idea of what to do to keep things from getting... messy.

John, are you honestly suggesting a man using polyjuice potion could menstruate? That is perhaps the dumbest thing you have ever said in your life. As for the production of vaginal secretions, I'm sure even with your charming personality I could stay relatively dry.

[The Talk was had. It involved books with pictures of cross-section human beings. Very insightful.]

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