sortinghat_rp | 04 [backdated to the early morning of the 19th]

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04 [backdated to the early morning of the 19th]

[Filtered from teachers and any particularly detention-happy prefects]

[Inkblots. Oh God, inkblots, inkblots everywhere. And the following is scribbled hastily.]

Just woke up to quite a surprise and after nearly being shocked into having a damn heart attack, my biggest question is -

WHO THE HELL TAUGHT SHERLOCK HOW TO GET INTO HUFFLEPUFF?!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It does sound pretty ridiculous when you put it that way. But I suppose... yeah, technically.

And enchantments? What d'you mean? If you think we'd be needing to Obliviate people left and right, I was hoping that wouldn't be necessary. [He sighs.] Though at least I'll be out from under the Trace by then and can lend a hand if it comes to it.

Obliviate was rather the spell I had in mind.

[He can't help but smile. John has become quite good at reading into his intentions.]

Only if nessessary, of course. I'm sure you'll find a proper date by then but, should all else fail, I will be prepared.

Yeah, well, as much as I am an open book in front of all your deductive skills, you can be pretty easy to read yourself, sometimes. Mostly when it comes to situations involving potential mischief around people you might find boring.

Still, thanks again for being willing to come along if it comes to it. I hope to have an actual date for it, but if not, at least you'd be sure to come up with inventive ways to help me dodge the inevitable questions from extended family about what I'm getting up to in school.

Just don't think this means I have nothing better to do than wait around to see if I'm needed. Though as far as dodging inevitable questions, one can only hope your family is better about it than mine.

Oh, no, don't worry about that. If something comes up for you and I don't have a date for whatever reason, I'll figure something out.

But as for the misunderstanding thing, uh... I wouldn't count on it. Might be worse, actually, given the type of wedding. Unfortunately, I think a lot of "John, you too?" and "But you've had girlfriends..." might come up.

Well, we are wizards. I could always polyjuice myself into an acceptable date.

[John actually jolts and shudders at that.]

Oh GOD, no. No, no... just. I mean, I guess I'm almost weirdly flattered you'd be willing to go that far for the ruse, but, uh... no. Please don't. I don't think a proper word's been invented yet for how overwhelmingly weird and awkward that would be.

Interesting that you'd rather the awkward of having people question your male "plus one" than avoid public inquiry with a gendered swapped date.

Yeah, well, I'd know, even if all my Muggle relatives couldn't find a single thing off about my "new girlfriend".

Besides, what if it wore off while we were still hanging around them? Multiply whatever awkward questions they could hurl about us being gay by a thousand. Then I'd insist on Obliviating everyone in a 10 mile radius just to be sure.

True. Best to go it the easy route.

[Well, that answered that question. John isn't even remotely interested in him. Tony is a dumb-ass but at least Sherlock has proof that will get him to shut up finally.

It's sort of.. numbing... all the same.]

I'm not so sure I'd call it the easy route as much as it is the honest one. If they'd rather cluck over some juicy gay gossip than listen to and accept what we say... well, that's unfortunate. It really is. But if I absolutely had to choose, I'd take that over you having to take a potion that's by all accounts utterly nasty and pretend you're someone you're not, even if it's a socially accepted type of someone.

And only some of that's because I'm really not a great actor and would absolutely botch the whole thing.

Edited 2013-01-31 13:26 (UTC)

No, I agree. The less said the better. We conduct ourselves as friends and anyone observing will come to the correct conclusion if they bother paying attention. Anything else would be over-complicating it.

[John sighs, relieved.]

Oh, good. I'm glad I don't have to talk you down from that polyjuice plan. If I was that desperate to try to pull one over on my family, I'd have invited you to this thing and then said something like, "And here's the skirt you'll be wearing."

[Chuckles]

I'd at least expect you to give me enough for-notice to shave.

Among other things, yeah. Though God knows how you'd research things like how to use the restroom while your... pipes are magically rerouted. Or what to do about bras. Those things are a nightmare, and that's just trying to get them off someone. Who knows what dark powers are needed to actually get the damned things on.

[.... Is actually considering the scientific method to such research...]

I don't recall having to put too much thought into learning to urinate the first time. I imagine most biological functions are fairly simple to reason out. Never touched a bra, though.

[Oh geez. Sherlock had to know the differences between men and women... didn't he? He might profess to having no interest in sex in general and women in particular, but he had to have been given The Talk, right?]

Sherlock... er, I'm not so sure if it's the kind of thing the polyjuice potion replicates, but on the off chance that it is, you do know there are some biological functions women go through that men don't, right? Ones that require a pretty detailed idea of what to do to keep things from getting... messy.

John, are you honestly suggesting a man using polyjuice potion could menstruate? That is perhaps the dumbest thing you have ever said in your life. As for the production of vaginal secretions, I'm sure even with your charming personality I could stay relatively dry.

[The Talk was had. It involved books with pictures of cross-section human beings. Very insightful.]

[It seems John can't decide if he wants to hide his face in his palms or raise his hands in flustered despair, so he sort of settles for a mix of the two. One hand covers his face while the other gives a frustrated wave.]

I said I wasn't familiar with how polyjuice works! Some of us mere mortals do struggle in potions sometimes, you know! And can we please just pretend you never even said that other thing you just said?

Oh, please. Even if you don't know exactly how polyjuice works, menstruation is a sign of fertility. I'm fairly interested in where you think babies go if a gentleman is capable of conceiving one in his short time as a woman.

[Yeah, you don't get away with being that much of an idiot that easily, John.]

[John gives Sherlock a frowning, 'now you're just being a dick' look.]

Of course I didn't think that. Even if I did, a dose of the potion only lasts a few hours at most. That's not even enough time for an actual woman to get pregnant; definitely not enough time for an egg to implant, maybe not even enough to conceive.

I wasn't so sure about the period thing because you physically, and from most accounts I've heard very completely, become the person you've based the potion on. And if that person was on her monthly when you nabbed her hair for the potion... there's worse leaps of logic to make. And I already said it was far-fetched and that I'm no potions expert, so there's no need to be so snippy.

Well, consistent dosages of the potion can elongate the disguised state for long periods of time. But no, John. I'm relatively certain I would not lose my appendix if the person I changed into had had theirs removed, neither would I suddenly develop a weeping womb.

I can't help it if I'm snippy; you're an idiot.

[John heaves an irritated sigh. There's just no winning when it comes to Sherlock, sometimes. Though he always intended to find a real date for Harry's wedding, now he kind of wants to find one as soon as possible.]

Fine. Okay. You're right. I'm wrong. I'm an idiot and shame on me for ever thinking I could be anything otherwise. Now do you want to keep rubbing all that in over something utterly pointless, or are you ready to drop it?

It's no fun if you agree. Is that the best you can do?

[... what.]

Are you seriously trying to provoke an argument because it's fun?

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