14 Smuppets

[plushaeusrumpified]

So. I'm not sure exactly how this happened, but somehow Dumbledore decided that I'm suitable for the position of HoH for Gryffindor.

[He's... quite honestly pretty damn shocked by this. He never expected to be entrusted with such a huge responsibility, and... Well. He considers it a huge honor. Gryffindor is important to him, even if it's for stupid reasons. Even if he had to argue in order to get put in Gryffindor, back when he was in school. But even more than the simply fact he values Gryffindor traits, the simple act of being given so much responsibility means a lot to him, because it shows that Dumbledore has seen how much he's changed. He's been trying to do better lately, and it honestly feels like all of his effort has paid off. He's determined to not let him down.]

So yeah, I guess that's... that. I'm not really sure what to say, but I have to say; it's an honor. I'm going to take this position seriously, so anyone who thinks this means Gryffindor is going to be able to slack off has another thing coming to them.

But with that said, you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask, got it? I was given this for a reason, which means you can trust me with stuff. I'm here for you guys. In fact, I might as well go ahead and say you're all part of the Strider family now, now that I'm the Head of House. Who knows, maybe I'll even hand out shades.

[The next bit is filtered away from Murdoc.]

By the way, tomorrow ain't just V-day. It's also Professor Donoghue's birthday, so be sure to wish him a happy birthday. Maybe give him an apple or somethin'. Whatever floats your boat.

You're also all invited to my office for a surprise party tomorrow, around 8 PM. If you guys don't come, I'm gonna be real disappointed.

Comments

[seeringlight]

I'm so- and pardon my French- fucking metal.
Ah, that comment was terribly ironic. Oh right, I am French. Are we even allowed to use that phrase?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Rose, my eyes. How could you use such French in front of your poor dad? They're burning. They're burning, Rose. It hurts.
But no I really don't think you're even allowed to use that phrase. Too much irony. You know there's a lot when I say that. We're drowning in it now.
Come up with a suitable alternative.

[seeringlight]

You're such a baby. Grow up a bit.
That's unfair. You're oppressing my freedom of speech based on my nationality. I'm supposed to be extremely offended right now, so I am. How dare you try and silence my use of phrases because the irony was too much for you to handle.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Wait, wait, wait. Did you just call me racist? Is that a thing you just did?

[seeringlight]

Perhaps I did? Do you intend to do something about it?

[plushaeusrumpified]

That depends. What does mommy dearest usually do to punish you?

[seeringlight]

You can never hold a candle to the amount of passive aggressive love that mother and I have already established, unfortunately for you.
You'll have to take a different route, my dear father.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Well clearly I should just punish you by loving you so goddamn much that it surpasses irony and goes right to so sincere that it rots your teeth out.
That sounds pretty horrible, doesn't it? Just imagine it, getting hugs and forehead kisses every day. Terrifying.

[seeringlight]

I think you would cave before I did, honestly.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I think you're grossly underestimating just how much love I have to give all up in my heart, Rose.
I'd never cave. You would, long before I ever thought about it.
Because it's endless. I will never cave. Ever.

[seeringlight]

But how long would it take before it stopped being ironic?
Last I checked, you are an advocate of the ironic endeavors and not too much on being obviously affectionate.
PDA never seemed to be your type of thing, nor mine, nor most of us.
Or are you telling me that you are secretly an affectionate old man who must be teeth rottingly loving in front of the masses? Dear me! I never knew.

[plushaeusrumpified]

This, Rose, is why irony is my thing.
There are so many intricacies and twists and turns to it that no one but me will ever hope to master.
People have failed and tried to understand it, but I hold all it's knowledge.
The only way it'll ever truly be passed down is on my deathbed.
Only then will I really pass on the secrets I hold.
I also resent the implication that I'm old.

[seeringlight]

I assume that Dirk would inherit such intricacies before I would. Obviously this is a fight to the death.
I will murder my brothers in cold blood for the secret.

A midlife crisis isn't attractive, father.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I admire how gung ho you are to murder all of your family in cold blood for the sake of irony, but really, it won't be necessary.
You're all going to get the secret when I die. I can't die showing favoritism, then I'd be leaving you all with more problems than I originally created.
And I don't think I can enjoy the afterlife knowing that.
It would be really fucking depressing.

Whoa there, I ain't old enough for a midlife crisis.
You can stop that line of thinking right there, Rose.
I'm still young, hung, and full of

yeah.

[seeringlight]

But then none of us will feel special in the least! We will forever live our lives thinking we are short of spectacular and stamped with average for the rest of our weary existences!

Of course not. How dare I think otherwise.