[05]

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

tHESE DREAMS ARE, uH, gETTING RIDICULOUS,
i WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT,
nOT WITH THEM, i MEAN, i THINK ANYWAY,
aND WHY IS IT HAPPENING IN THE, sHACK OF ALL PLACES,
i DON'T, uH, gET IT AT ALL,
aND i REALLY WISH i WOULD STOP WAKING UP WET, TOO,
iT'S, sUCH A MESS, aND i HAVE TO DO WAY MORE LAUNDRY THAN i USED TO,
bUT i DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT,
oKAY ACTUALLY i DO CARE ABOUT THAT,
mUM KEEPS ASKING ME WHY i HAVE SO MANY DIRTY PANTS,
iT'S A LITTLE EMBARASSING ACTUALLY,,,
bUT MOSTLY i JUST WISH i KNEW WHY, tHIS IS HAPPENING,
kARKAT AND GAMZEE ARE, uH, jUST MY FRIENDS,
i DON'T LIKE THEM LIKE THAT,
i'M NOT GAY,
sERIOUSLY, sO, bRAIN, pLEASE STOP TRYING TO CONFUSE ME,
iT WOULD BE REALLY NICE OF YOU,
i HAVE TOO MUCH TO DEAL WITH, i DON'T NEED TO BE CONFUSED, tOO,
i THINK i'LL JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP, aFTER CHANGING PANTS, i GUESS,
wRITING ALL THIS MADE ME FEEL BETTER,
kEEPING THIS DREAM JOURNAL WAS A GOOD IDEA,
i, uH, nEED TO HAVE THOSE MORE OFTEN,
aNYWAY, gOOD NIGHT, jOURNAL,

Comments

[private] <3

[selfhatred]

YOU'RE FORGETTING THE PART WHERE YOU KISSED GAMZEE.
BUT THAT'S FUCKING IT.
JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS KIND OF FUCKING RESPONSE.
OBVIOUSLY I FUCKING CAN'T HELP BUT PUT MY FOOT IN MY FUCKING MOUTH.
I'M FUCKING DONE.
THAT'S IT.
I CAN'T BE FUCKING BOTHERED ANYMORE.

[private]

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

thanks for reminding me, except i didn't forget,

,,,,, fine, okay,
jade was right,
you don't care or listen,

and you're a liar,

[private]

[selfhatred]

OH SO I DON'T FUCKING CARE?
THEN PRAY TELL WHAT EXACTLY I WAS FUCKING DOING BY TRYING TO PROTECT YOU FROM SOMETHING THAT
OH RIGHT
ONLY FUCKING TURNED UP IN YOUR FUCKING WET DREAMS?
ANYONE EVER FUCKING TEACH YOU ABOUT THOSE?
THEY'RE DREAMS YOU HAVE WHEN SOMETHING FUCKING EXCITES YOU IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS.
BOOM. INSTANT BONER.
HATE TO SAY SO BUT I THINK YOUR BRAIN'S TRYING TO FUCKING TELL YOU SOMETHING.
MAYBE THE GIRLY GAMES WEREN'T ENOUGH OF A FUCKING HINT.

[private]

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

if you care, you would've, told me instead of keeping it a secret!

and,

my brain isn't trying to tell me anything, right now,
except for one thing,
and it's yelling it, actually,

and what it's yelling is that jade was really, really right,

you don't listen, you only see your side of things! you don't, get care what anyone else is feeling! and, you hurt people!

what it's not telling me is that, I'm gay, or have a crush on you,
or Gamzee,
but mostly not you, right now,
you don't excite me, you just,,, hurt me,
and make me angry, a lot,
how's that, for what my brain is telling me,
do you get the hint, karkat,

i'm not your friend anymore,

that's the hint,

[private]

[selfhatred]

YEAH
YEAH I GET IT
I DO NOTHING BUT FUCKING HURT PEOPLE.
YOU WANT ME TO BE THE FUCKING BAD GUY, HUH?
FINE BY ME.
GUESS I'M THE BAD GUY.

[private]

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

i KNEW YOU WERE,
wHEN YOU LIED,
gOOD PEOPLE DON'T LIE,
sO, yEAH,





pETER PAN, wOULD BE DISAPPOINTED,

[private]

[selfhatred]

WHO THE FUCK EVEN GIVES A SHIT ABOUT PETER PAN?
OH RIGHT
LITTLE GIRLS AND BOYS WHO CAN'T FUCKING STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES.
I'M OUT.

[private]

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[A little while later, there are splatters on the page.

They're not ink.]