(no subject)

[sonofamelonlord]

I suppose it's flattering to see your uncle starting a chain of people's families increasing. Even if he did it by adoption that he forgot to mention.


[[OOC: Strike is something he scribbled out, and thus unhackable.]

Comments

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

bECAUSE XION AND FEFERI ARE, hIS COUSINS,
i THINK THAT, aNYONE SHOULD BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT,
aND IF NOT HAPPY THEN, uH, hE SHOULDN'T SAY MEAN THINGS,
oR EVEN PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THINGS,
bECAUSE IT'S HURTFUL,

[centaurstestes]

D --> I am still not seeing why he should be happy simply because of their sudden relation to him
D --> It was not his decision
D --> He does not owe them anything
D --> Honestly, I can understand his feelings entirely
D --> Were such an event to happen in my family, I would be e%tremely put out

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

hE, sTILL SHOULDN'T BE UPSET ABOUT IT,
eVEN IF HE, dOESN'T WANT TO BE HAPPY,
iT ISN'T THEIR, fAULT THAT IT HAPPENED,
aND HE SHOULDN'T, aCT LIKE IT IS, oR, mAKE THEM FEEL BAD ABOUT IT,

[centaurstestes]

D --> Who are you to dictate how he should and should not feel
D --> Is it hurtful
D --> Perhaps
D --> But if it is tr001y not their fault, then they should recognize this and act accordingly
D --> However, for you to say "You should not feel this way" is highly presumptive and downright rude
D --> You are not the feelings police, pukeb100d
D --> Mind
D --> Your own
D --> Business

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[There's a long pause, as Tavros is just heavily reluctant to say what he wants to say. A few inkblots appear on the page, before finally he just takes a deep breath and writes.]

hOW IS IT,
aNY OF YOUR BUSINESS EITHER, tHEN,


yOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM, aND i DO,
sO, i THINK IT'S JUST, mORE MY BUSINESS THAN IT IS YOURS,

mAYBE i'M NOT THE FEELINGS POLICE BUT, i,
i COULD BE THE, uH,
fRIENDSHIP POLICE,

[centaurstestes]

D --> Oh, so the mudb100d thin% he has the spine to stand up to me, does he
D --> Friendship police, really
D --> How old are you
D --> Si%
D --> Honestly, Nitram, how childish can you get
D --> The whole "I'm so sweet and innocent and can do no wrong" act you put on was cute at first, but now it's just plain annoying
D --> The world is not sunshine and rainbows and fairies, and it won't ever be, no matter how much you'd like to pretend
D --> It's time to wake up and take in the bitter stench of reality, Nitram
D --> There are people in the world who will be mean and seek to hurt others
D --> There will be people who say cr001 things because they want you to be as miserable and unhappy with your life as they are with theirs
D --> They will not a%cept your friendship
D --> They will resent your pity
D --> The best thing you can do is to a%cept this and walk with your head held high

D --> But oh, I am sorry
D --> You can't even do that, can you

[Private]

[mo_cara]

hey motherfucker
I THINK WE NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.

[Private]

[centaurstestes]

D --> What, more friendship police
D --> Come to take me in for assaulting an officer
D --> If you want me
D --> Come find me

[Private]

[mo_cara]

RIGHT ON MOTHERFUCKER

[And Gamzee'll come looking. He'll check out the normal haunts first - Equius seems to spend a lot of time in the library, or maybe the Great Hall where other students work collaboratively on homework. But if he doesn't find him there, he's going to systematically start going through the castle, top to bottom, and the grounds, too. Of course, if Equius is in the Ravenclaw dorms, there's not much he can do about that, except wait outside the entrance. But he can do that, too.]

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Again, Tavros just stares at the page, only this time his stomach is rolling and he's not saying anything for entirely different reasons. His mind is back in the library, to when he and Karkat were talking about Equius, and how he shouldn't stand up to him.

Equius's words just hit him right in his insecurities and inadequacy. He wanted to much to be able to help his friends, and to be able to be brave. To be the hero that they were to him, but he was just such a failure at it. He would never have the confidence or the ability to stand up for anyone, really. Because he couldn't even stand. So what was the point in even trying. Because if he did, he would just end up failing.]

No, because my spine's broken,
so, it's stupid to think that i could ever stand up to you,
or do, anything right for my friends, like i'm trying,

they need someone who isn't broken, like i am,

[By the time he's finished writing, there are splotches all over the page, making the ink run. But the words are still legible.]

[centaurstestes]

[For just a moment, Equius feels extremely pleased with himself. He made the other boy feel just as awful inside as he had for the past few days. Three cheers for sweet revenge.]

[Bitter revenge, as lashing out made him no better than an animal, even if he attacked with words instead of tooth and claw. And though he spread out his anger, it did little to soothe his inner turmoil. Words alone were not satisfying enough. He wanted to thrash and rend and break and maul until there was nothing left. Of himself, or the other]

[And that was why he was despicable]

D --> Everyone is broken, Nitram
D --> You are just broken where it shows

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[His words sloppy now, as his hand shakes.]

i know

you dont have to tell me
i know
i just dont want to be
i just want to help
thats all

[centaurstestes]

D --> Then stop sniveling and grow up
D --> Real men do not cry

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

i cant

[centaurstestes]

D --> Then you're not trying hard enough

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

whats the point in trying
ill just fail like i always do

[centaurstestes]

D --> Honor
D --> Dignity
D --> Pride
D --> Never back down, and never break
D --> If you go down, take your opponent down with you

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

i cant
do
that
i keep telling you
that im a failure
i already told you that i cant stand up to you
what am i even supposed to do
i cant win


so just
stop
leave me alone

[centaurstestes]

D --> So you have already given up
D --> Fine
D --> I thought perhaps you could be STRONG
D --> I see now that I was wrong
D --> You really are pathetic

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

i

i know

so stop
just stop
i know im worthless
i know my dreams are stupid
i know everything
i know
i know
i know
i know
i know

[There's a long pause, and more tears fall onto the page.]

but you know what?
its okay
its so okay because i just remembered something
my biggest dream of all has already come true
i flew
i flew with wings
so whats it matter if everything else is stupid
and im weak
and im worthless
i proved you wrong already one one thing

i flew

[selfhatred]

HEY ASSHOLE.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TALK ABOUT PRIDE AND DIGNITY WHEN YOU'RE MAKING SOMEONE CRY?
DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF KNOWING THAT YOU CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT INSTEAD OF CRY INTO YOUR FUCKING PILLOW ABOUT YOUR OWN INSECURITIES?

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

stop

Private

[selfhatred]

Where are you?

[centaurstestes]

D --> Yes

[Never mind that he spends his nights lying awake, digging his nails into his skin hard enough to break the surface, hating himself and how he'll never be good enough. At least he keeps trying and doesn't cry over it.]

[selfhatred]

GO TO HELL.