sortinghat_rp | (no subject)

(no subject)

[Maxim hasn't even gotten a chance to write in his shiny new journal yet (Or rather, old journal that he's forgotten about until now, whoops). He just set it down on the bed, plunked himself down on his stomach, and has at it.]

[But nothing happens.]

[Clearly he just needs more ink - noooo, that doesn't work either. Now there is just a big purple splotch on the page.]

[Okay Maxim, time to be clever about this. Time to use your head.]

[A few minutes later, there is a photo of a very shirtless boy with purple hair, pouting pathetically at the viewer. His journal is broken and he wants attention, take pity on him, please.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I cannot believe you are encouraging this. Am I actually going to have to dock thirty to have an effect?

[Somehow, in the background, she has accidentally turned on her iPhone. And it's playing music..]

Then I'll jutht give him forty. But really, give him a break, he obviouthly didn't know that...

[W a i t.]

Ith... that the Imperial March?

Obviously didn't know what?

...oh. My phone must have gone off accidentally. And what of it? I happen to be a fan of John Williams.

[heh. heh. heh.]

[What are those strange strangled deer noises? who knows.]

[THIS ISN'T FAIR. SHE IS THE ENEMY. THE ENEMY WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE NICE HIPS AND LIKES- NO, ENEMY. E-N-E-M-Y. FOCUS, APEMIS. FOCUS.]

Thtop corrupting thingth with your interetht in them!!

...pardon me? What is that even supposed to mean? I didn't realize that was a thing that was possible. I mean, I can't possibly be the only little girl who wanted to be Princess Leia.

You're a horrible perthon ith what it meanth. [He sounds so distressed.] I wanted to be Han...

No, you're not allowed in the club. Get out.

Hy vanted to be Leia too! She kicked all de butts, und she had dot sexay slave costume, rawrrrl.

[It's his post, he can make inane comments if he wants]

...Tho did you want to be Leia even with the thexy thlave outfit on?

Yez! Vould be de best part, don'chu tink?

Vell, az long az Hy do not haff to be Jabba's pet. Dot part, Hy tink vould be not so nize.

Huh... Well, you'd have to make thure that it doethn't chafe a bit. Maybe, I gueth.

No one in their right mind would want to be hith pet. You thaw that tongue.

Haha, de hardest part fur me vould be fillink out de bikini, yah? But dot's vhy dey make fakes vuns!

Eyuck! Dough, Hy'm sure zumvun out dere doez... iz zumvun fur efferyvun, right?

Jutht a little bit of handmade thtuff, if you're good at it.

You really don't want to know about that thort of thing. Trutht me. I've been all around, and I don't want to know about that thort of thing, but I do, tho I'm giving you that bit of withdom: you don't want to know.

Ho, Hy em VERRA good at it. [The wicked grin on his face is nigh audible, he is that good]

Heh, hyu say dot like Hy don't already know. [The Jaegers are not well known for anything remotely resembling discretion, subtlety, or making good life choices. He's pretty sure a few of his cousins might be part ogre.]

Good to know?

Well, whatever you know, don't thare with me. One, don't need to know, and two, I am not getting fired becauthe you have too much information on your hands. [He already got detention once, okay.]

[snicker] Yah schure, hyu betcha! Hy keep de family secrets vere dey belonk!

...I...see. She certainly did, didn't she.

[Why does real life not have a backspace key.]

[Have you met your match, Professor?]

Mmhmm! Much bedder den vhiny Luke, und Han deedn't really show de ladies de proper respect. But she neffer took enyting from enyvun. Verra admirable!

Und luffly curves, too!

How does that make me --

[...oh. OH. Awkward.]

You mean you're not allowed. Whatever.

[He just wants to hate you in peace, Constance, why do you have to make this so awkward? First the hips and now Star Wars?]

Ooh no, I called it firtht.

[Hey, Art. You're now imagining Constance, with those hips, in that slave bikini of Leia's. You're welcome.]

...you can't call a movie.

[Why would you do that to him? Why?]

Like hell I can't.

Is your name George Lucas? Then no. No, you cannot call these movies.

...unless you want to call the prequels. Then, by all means.

Are you on drugth? No one wantsth to cal the prequelth, they're a public example of thecondhand embarrathment. I haven't done anything in my life bad enough to earn that!

...no one has done anything bad enough to earn that much secondhand embarrassment. Not even you.

So. We never speak of these movies again, we never attend the same watching parties, the prequels don't exist, I get to dock ten points for the journal-based camwhoring, and the awkward conversations that happened after that are never spoken of again?

...I'll agree to everything elthe except the camwhoring. It'sth not like he'th completely flathing you, jeez, you'll thee plenty of kidth with no thirtsth on when it'sth warm and they're in the lake.