ELEVEN ♋

[selfhatred]

WE DONE WITH TALKING ABOUT BONERS YET?
HEY, GRYFFINDOR FOURTH, GET YOUR NOSES OUT OF THE HORSE SHIT YOU WOKE UP IN.
WOW IT'S SO WEIRD SAYING FOURTH. I NEVER EXPECTED MOST OF YOU TO PASS SECOND, LET ALONE THIRD.
YOU ASSHOLES HAVE A NEW ROOMMATE.
BETTER GET USED TO FALLING ASLEEP TO CROAKS LIKE A BABY FALLS ASLEEP TO LAME LULLABIES.
BECAUSE BILIOUS SLICK CROAKS LIKE A FUCKING TRAIN GOING AT 200 MILES PER HOUR ALONG THE TRACKS AND TOOTING ITS BLOODY HORN AT 2AM IN THE MORNING.
AND THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY I'M LETTING HIM OUT OF HIS HABITAT.
SO GET FUCKING USED TO IT.

Comments

[notapigeon]

What're you going on about?

[selfhatred]

HOW HARD IS IT FOR YOU TO READ?
...I GOT A PET LAST WEEK.

[notapigeon]

I can read just fine. You need to learn how to write.

Well, let me be the first to welcome you to the amphibian club.

[selfhatred]

YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE BEAUTY OF MY METAPHORS.
THERE'S A FUCKING CLUB?

[notapigeon]

Of course there's a club. I started it.

[selfhatred]

OH.
WELL THAT EXPLAINS THINGS.

[notapigeon]

Only a select few can get into this club, and you've finally earned that chance.

[selfhatred]

HOW TO PUT THIS...
I WOULD RATHER WALK THROUGH THE BLISTERING HEAT OF THE SAHARA DESERT WITH THE ONLY WATER AVAILABLE BEING MY OWN MUGGLEBORN BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS LOOKING FOR THE TOMB OF THE KINGS ONLY TO HAVE BUZZARDS PICKING OUT MY INNARDS WHEN I FAINT AND ROLL A HUNDRED METERS DOWN THE CLIFF FACE OF A SAND DUNE THAN JOIN A CLUB DEDICATED TO FROGS.

[notapigeon]

Actually.. an adventure like that sounds ten times better than a club.

[selfhatred]

IT'S NOT AN ADVENTURE.
IT'S A FUCKING MARCH OF DEATH THROUGH A DESERT SO OLD IT'S PROBABLY GOT DINOSAUR PISS FOSSILIZED AT THE CORE OF ITS ENDLESS EXPANSE DESIGNED PURELY TO TRAP UNSUSPECTING MORTALS UNTIL THEIR TIME RUNS OUT.

[notapigeon]

Why else would you be in a desert unless you were on an adventure? You don't just end up in a desert for no reason. There aren't even any deserts in England.

[selfhatred]

EXILE?
SPONTANEOUSLY LOST YOUR WAND DURING APPARATION AND SPLINCHED YOURSELF SO BAD YOU ENDED UP SOMEWHERE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FROM WHERE YOU INTENDED?
CHASING AFTER THE SNITCH DURING A QUIDDITCH GAME AND WINDING UP TEN MILLION MILES IN THE BACK OF WHOOP WHOOP WITHOUT A SHITTY PADDLE?

[notapigeon]

That just sounds like a grip of bad luck, if you ask me.

[selfhatred]

BAD LUCK HAS IT OUT FOR ME.

[pomodoroo]

How the hell DID all of them pass third year, man I wish it was that fucking easy to have passed back when I was a third year.

[selfhatred]

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA. SERIOUSLY.

[pomodoroo]

I only hope life kicks those little shits in the face this year. God damn some of these brats don't have the slightest bit of common sense.

[selfhatred]

LET'S FACE IT, IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE HAS THE SLIGHTEST OUNCE OF BRAIN CELLS IN THEIR THINK PAN AROUND HERE.

[brothor]

toads have a reputation for being delicious

[selfhatred]

YOU AREN'T EATING HIM, ODINSON.

[brothor]

i will if he keeps me up at night.

[selfhatred]

THEN I GUESS I'LL BE PUTTING A HEX ON HIS HABITAT JUST FOR YOU.