[Teacher Filter]

[wwistful]

I understand that it might be a little difficult to handle given that it's only the first week back, but I can't be the only one appalled by the behaviour of the students, can I?

Honestly. It's gotten to the point where detention has become a joke and removing points is a formality. I actually have no idea how I'm meant to deal with the amount of misbehaviour going on when they won't listen to a word I say! A student went so far as to

[Actually. He doesn't really want to announce that.]

It's a little difficult to comprehend. Is there any advice anybody can give me, because I am at a loss here. I think perhaps it's time for a discussion amongst ourselves before things get even more out of hand.


We're much stronger as team than we are individually, in any case.

Comments

[plushaeusrumpified]

[This isn't something he ever, ever thought he would be talking about. Not to Murdoc of all people. Not to anyone. Because these feelings are ones he's had buried for... years. And there's a part of him that wants to just retreat and not even elaborate. But there's another part of him that wants to... That just wants to be honest with Murdoc. To talk about it. Because for once, he feels like he has someone that could possibly understand.

The situations are different, he knows that. Or at least he assumes they are. His current one is his fault, because... Well, he'd been the reason things had ended. He'd broken things off because he felt he wasn't good enough. He isn't really sure why Murdoc and Sybille didn't work out, but. The truth of the matter is, they're both still in love and there's someone he's still in love with too. That alone gives them a lot in common and it's scary.

If it wasn't for the fact that he knew Murdoc could understand him, there's no way he would ever think about telling him.

Even as he thinks about it, he can feel the raw emotion tearing its way to the surface. This isn't something he allows himself to think about. At all. It's one of those deep and dark hidden secrets that he just... bottles up and keeps to himself, because it hurts. When he thinks about it, the wound just reopens and it's as fresh as the day he inflicted it on himself.

So when he speaks, his voice is quiet and cracks a little and it shakes. It's obvious that this really, really hurts to talk about.]

Dave's mom. Roxanne Lalonde, I... I still love her more than anything in the whole goddamn world.

[The hurt in his voice is nothing compared to the hurt in his eyes. Murdoc would be able to see it clearly, the intensity of it is almost frightening. But beneath that, when he says her name, the love he has for her flashes brighter, almost obscuring the sadness. Almost, but not quite.]

[wwistful]

[Thanks to some basic understanding of human emotion, Murdoc is able to sense the difficulty Dirk is having with this. It sort of reminds him of how little he knows about the other man. He never really questioned where Dave came from, he was just an addition to Dirk that could have appeared out of nowhere for all it mattered to Murdoc. At least, that was how it was before.

The truth of it is that Murdoc had denied Sybille from himself. He denied a lot of things from himself. When his father died he knew exactly what he wanted to be and do, but as he grew up and the memories of him faded his priorities began to change. It still sickens him when he remembers the way he abandoned Sybille, but he was chasing a dream that would never truly fufill him and he'd never know that until he got there. It was only after his wife died that he'd realise how pathetically alone he'd made himself.

Maybe Dirk really is right. Maybe they're two peas in an utterly lonely and perhaps self made pod. The bigger issues in their lives seemed to be done entirely through their own inability to see the bigger picture. At least now he finally knows someone who knows what it is to be the stupidest man in the world. In a way he's so terribly excited to hear the next part, but the idea of what comes next is what makes him anxious.

He does his best to maintain eye contact with Dirk, nodding slowly as he speaks and sensing the mood of the room shift again. His mouth twists a little, making a sympathetic face as he speaks. What do you do in these situations? Is it better to be silent? Should he ask questions? A shoulder pat might look condescending.

So he thinks of what he would want, and it seems pretty obvious. He doesn't want to be pitied, he wants to be understood. So he nods, keeping eye contact with Dirk, even if it makes him feel so vunerable. If he can see so many of Dirk's emotions through his eyes, does that mean his can be seen too? Does it matter. Maybe it's better if he does see. So he knows where Murdoc stands.]

I'm listenin'.

[He sounds as reassuring with he can like that, trying so desperately hard not to crush the other man's spirit when it's obvious he hasn't been able to say these things for a very long time.]

[plushaeusrumpified]

[In a way it's hard for Bro to keep eye contact with Murdoc as he's speaking. But in another way, it... makes it easier to keep going, because something about Murdoc is comforting. He isn't sure how or what- maybe it's the fact that he's looking at the only man who could possibly know how he feels. That alone is reassuring. But even if it's easier, it's still one of the hardest things that Bro's ever talked about.

There's a part of him that still can't believe he's talking about this. Not in a bad way, though. Because a part of him is glad to have someone that he can open up to. He's never really had anyone that he could do this with. It's... nice.]

I just... she was so fucking perfect. In every way. But I wasn't...I wasn't good enough. I was never good enough. She deserves somebody so much better. I don't deserve her.

[wwistful]

[Oh no, he knows that attitude all too well. It seems so strange to hear it coming from another person and so hypocritical to want to reach out and shake him for being so damn stupid.

Instead, he's going to keep a fairly serene look on his face as he presses on with the conversation. Hypocritical as it may be, he hopes that if he can do this for Dirk then maybe Dirk can do the same for him some day.]

I don't know about that. [He smirks softly.] You're pretty damn endearin', even if you are an idiot. [He reaches out to push Dirk's glasses back toward him.] You need to stop hidin' behind excuses and admit that you were scared. Then you need to stop bein' afraid of what isn't and accept what is. Maybe after that you'll be ready for her, I'm sure she'd want you back.