ϟ 7

[notapigeon]

Goats are cool. They make good cheese. But you know what's ten times better than a goat? A capybara. Why can't we have those running around?

Comments

[bonafide_divinity]

What the Hell is a capybara and why do you want them running wild in the castle?
This is the worst idea you've ever had, Robinson.

[notapigeon]

You've never heard of a capybara? Do you live under a rock or something?

And this is not the worst idea I've ever had. Jumping out of the Gryffindor tower on a pogo stick was the worst idea I've ever had. Though that was also the most fun idea I've ever had..

[arrogantalloy]

They probably couldn't handle our winter.

Or, they just couldn't collect all that awesome in one place. Which really, is more likely

[notapigeon]

I could put in a formal request to get a capybara in the school. They could keep it with Care of Magical Creatures. Capybara's have to be magical somehow. Nature didn't create something like that.

[bonafide_divinity]

Alright. This isn't as bad a jumping out of Gryffindor tower on a pogo stick, but it's still very bad. Why would you want to jump out of Gryffindor tower anyway? You would get killed.

Horribly.

[pause]

And no, I do not live under a rock. This may come as a shock, Robinson, but not everyone is familiar with each and every species that may or may not exist.

[notapigeon]

Sometimes you gotta break some eggs.

Hey. Capybara's are real, and I'll prove it to you.

[bonafide_divinity]

"Breaking some eggs" is an incredible understatement.

And really? Just how do you plan to do that?

[notapigeon]

I lived, didn't I?

I'll start a petition. I'm sure enough people will want one in the school.

[arrogantalloy]

How is a giant Guinea Pig magical?

If they're magic than what's a platypus?

[bonafide_divinity]

[INKSPLATTER]

You went through with it? How the Hell did you survive?

[There is a very long pause. And a few inkblots.]

Fine. But nobody in their right mind will sign your petition if they don't know what this thing is supposed to be.

[notapigeon]

They're obviously also magic. Transfiguration gone wrong and released into the wild.

[notapigeon]

I never reveal my secrets.


Maybe they'll want to see it, and that's why they'll sign it.

[bonafide_divinity]

And risk allowing another potentially large, ravenous, bloodthirsty creature into the school?

You underestimate us.

[notapigeon]

Capybara's are not ravenous and bloodthirsty. Large? Yes.

[bonafide_divinity]

Can you prove they're not ravenous and bloodthirsty?
They might be. And if they're large, that's not a risk I'm willing to take.

[notapigeon]

They're giant guinea pigs. How many guinea pigs do you know long for the taste of human flesh?

[bonafide_divinity]

[Pause]

Okay, guinea pigs don't eat people. You have a point.

But it was a fair question.

[notapigeon]

Unless they're mutant guinea pigs.

[bonafide_divinity]

There are no "mutant guinea pigs".

[notapigeon]

You said there were no capybaras either.

I bet you don't even believe in Slugmen.

[bonafide_divinity]

[inkblot]

Slugmen?

[notapigeon]

Yeah. The live in the sewers in London. Only come out at night

[givesyouaboner]

Bush babies would be cool too!

[bonafide_divinity]

Right.

When you jumped out of Gryffindor tower, did you hit your head on something?

[itsintheblood]

It's far too cold for them to be here.