sortinghat_rp | Nine Smuppets; Text

Entry tags:

Nine Smuppets; Text

No class this week. Sorry. Just reread the stuff we've been going over last week.

[Filtered to staff.]

He's gone again.

I have no idea what to even think or feel right now. Why did it even happen in the first place if he was just gonna leave again?

Doesn't seem very fair to me.

But now I've got a kid who just lost his dad for the second time. I don't even know anymore. Why's it seem like being in this castle's nothing but suffering? It almost makes me wanna quit. Homeschool them from now on or something. At least I can count on myself not to screw with shit like this.

I just have a hard time wishing it didn't happen though. It was good while it lasted, I just

I dunno. Whatever.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That would be implying there I have a reason to.
I don't.
It's nothing that should get in the way of studies.

Dirk, don't.

Don't pretend like it doesn't fucking hurt, because I know it does, alright?

You're not me. Maybe I don't feel anything at all.

_{[he's not a convincing liar]}

He wouldn't want you to bottle it up. He wouldn't want you to be sad forever. He'd want you to let it out and move on. So please just do him that favor and don't bottle it up like you've been doing.

But it's not fair. He shouldn't have died. He shouldn't have had to go away again. I was better off with him not coming back at all.

No.

No, no, no. Don't say shit like that. At least we got to fucking say goodbye. At least... at least he knows [I don't hate him.] that you love him. Weren't you afraid of that? Didn't you think he thought you hated him? Now you know he doesn't.

It wasn't fucking bad. It was good. It hurts like hell but it wasn't bad, alright?

But it hurts even more and that's what makes it bad. I'd rather not feel anything at all but I can't. Everything hurts and nothing is okay and I just want him back, Uncle Dirk.

Why did he have to go away so soon?

I know. Believe me I know. It's not fair.

And I don't know.

I'd switch places in a fucking second if I could.

Please don't say that. I want him back and I want him to stay here with us but I don't want anything to happen to you.
But it's not like it really matters because he's dead and can't come back. He's just in the fucking ocean as fish food.

[No. Nope. Nooope.

It takes literally everything Bro has not to slam the journal shut and throw it across the room.]

Don't.

Don't fucking say shit like that, just. Don't.

Okay.

_{[He doesn't have anything else to say. He's just curling up and screaming into his pillow now, nbd]}

[Bro doesn't know what to even goddamn say.

It feels like they're back at the beginning. Like he can't help at all and everything is just. Really fucking awful. But he's not in the right state to make everything better. He's hurting just as much as Dirk. He can't hold him and tell him everything's going to be okay when it feels like it isn't.

But he has to at least try.]

We saw him one last time.

Hold onto that memory.

Don't think about him as fish food. It's not fair to him or to you.

_{[He doesn't respond for a long time. Maybe it's just minutes. Maybe it's longer. Dirk can't be sure. He can only pick up his journal again when his voice is hoarse and his face is completely damp.]}

They're good memories I want to keep forever.
It's just
I don't know how to explain it.

I know. I really, really do. I can't explain how I feel right now either, if that helps. It really fucking sucks.

But... I'm at least happy, in a way?

I guess... in a bittersweet kind of way? Because... it was good, right? It was fun.

It was fun. It was the best.
I just wish it hadn't ended.
I wish he could've stayed and I know I'm being redundant and none of what I say will make a difference at all. But.
It just makes it feel like it happened all over again.

I'll sound redundant when I say I know. Because I do. And it does feel that way.

Nothing I say is gonna make it any better though.

But I'm here if you need me. I always am.

I don't think there is a way to make this better.
It's whatever.

He wouldn't want you to say that.

But fine. Just keep in mind that's how you felt before. And it got easier eventually. It'll get easier again.

He wouldn't have wanted to die twice either. Or once.

We'll see.

[He just... can't do this anymore. Everything hurts and this is too much for him to handle. He was trying to be patient and nice but he just... If he keeps talking, he's going to get angry. And it hits too close to the last time. Only instead of taking it out on Dave, he would be taking it out on Dirk.]

Good night, Dirk.

I love you.

_{[The abrupt end of conversation irritates him more than it should. But everything irritates him because everything hurts. But can he really blame anyone but himself? It's just whatever. He's angry and irrational and he misses his dad and he can't express enough about how nothing is okay. It's hard to breathe and even though he know he's working himself up again he can't stop it.

He doesn't want to be alone but he doesn't want to say anything about it. He doesn't even want to respond to Bro. In the end he just chucks his journal across the room and buries his head in his pillow again.]}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nine Smuppets; Text

no subject

no subject

keywords accurate

stopppp ow

can't

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

[All of that ^^^ And this is filtered btw]

[filtered 5ever]

[filtered]

[filtered]

[filtered]

[filtered]

[filtered]

[filtered]