sortinghat_rp | 14 Smuppets

So. I'm not sure exactly how this happened, but somehow Dumbledore decided that I'm suitable for the position of HoH for Gryffindor.

[He's... quite honestly pretty damn shocked by this. He never expected to be entrusted with such a huge responsibility, and... Well. He considers it a huge honor. Gryffindor is important to him, even if it's for stupid reasons. Even if he had to argue in order to get put in Gryffindor, back when he was in school. But even more than the simply fact he values Gryffindor traits, the simple act of being given so much responsibility means a lot to him, because it shows that Dumbledore has seen how much he's changed. He's been trying to do better lately, and it honestly feels like all of his effort has paid off. He's determined to not let him down.]

So yeah, I guess that's... that. I'm not really sure what to say, but I have to say; it's an honor. I'm going to take this position seriously, so anyone who thinks this means Gryffindor is going to be able to slack off has another thing coming to them.

But with that said, you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask, got it? I was given this for a reason, which means you can trust me with stuff. I'm here for you guys. In fact, I might as well go ahead and say you're all part of the Strider family now, now that I'm the Head of House. Who knows, maybe I'll even hand out shades.

[The next bit is filtered away from Murdoc.]

By the way, tomorrow ain't just V-day. It's also Professor Donoghue's birthday, so be sure to wish him a happy birthday. Maybe give him an apple or somethin'. Whatever floats your boat.

You're also all invited to my office for a surprise party tomorrow, around 8 PM. If you guys don't come, I'm gonna be real disappointed.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You can't adopt every child, Bro.
You seem to need some clarification on that fact.

[Filtered]

Whether or not I am rolling in bitches, I'm not interested in any of them. Jake and I might do a brodate, if he isn't busy. Honestly, all the Valentine's crap isn't that interesting to me.

And just who says I can't? I can do a lot of things, Dirk. I think you underestimate me just a little bit. If I were to really want to adopt every child, then I could. I have plenty of money, I could buy a mansion and move 'em all into it. There is absolutely nothing weird or creepy about that in the least, so don't even try and say it is. It would be beautiful. Just think of how grateful everyone would be. A huge house, a pool (because you can't have a mansion without a pool), a butler to get 'em all food. Yeah, it would be rad, Dirk. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna make it happen.

[Filtered]

Well I guess I can't really fault you for that. V-day usually isn't my thing either. It wasn't until Murdoc came along anyway. Your perspective kinda changes when you actually have somebody, I guess. Anyway though, what's the deal? How come you're not interested in any of 'em?

Edited 2013-02-24 07:27 (UTC)

No one says you can't. They can, however, call you a dumbass for doing it. If you wanted some pureblood-style mansion you would have bought one years ago, anyway.

[Filtered]

Because they're not interesting. It's a pretty damn simple reason.

[Well, one of them is interesting, at the moment. But that one is also not interested.]

Life isn't any fun unless a lot of people think I'm a dumbass. Maybe it's better late than never, me buying a mansion. People change, maybe I want one now.

Except let's be clear, I don't. Just in case you needed that clarification. I'm being a smartass.

[Filtered]

Well alright then, whatever. Suit yourself. But if you ever need hooking up, then you should know I'm a pretty damn good matchmaker. I set Dave up already and it's probably going to end up being the man of his dreams. I could do the same for you.

When are you ever not being a smartass? As if I didn't already know. Way to blow your shoddy cover there, Bro.

[Filtered]

I think I can handle myself. Thanks but no thanks?

The man of his dreams, huh? You sure?

The answer to your question would be when I'm being sincere. So that means you'll never actually know. My sincerity is always deeply masked, as you well know.

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Your loss, broseph. But you're right, it would be the man of your dreams. So you're missing out on something beautiful. At least you'll have your robot cats for company when you're an old, crazy cat man. That's some consolation, isn't it? Because this is clearly the fate you're resigned to when you decline my matchmaking.

I know you're perfectly capable of being sincere and a smartass at the same time.
You can't fool me. [Except when he can, but they don't talk about that.]

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Give me some fucking credit. I can handle my own shit.

[Filtered]

I'm just saying, you'd be so much better off if you'd let me help. With me, there would be 0% chance of any pussy in your future, robotic or otherwise.

First of all, robotic pussy is not even a thing that exists in a refined form. Second of all, there is like a 2% chance of there being any in my future anyway.
I'm a strong, independent young woman, Bro. I don't need your help.

A 2% chance chance is still alarmingly high. But I had no fucking idea you were a woman, dude. When did that happen? You get a sex change when you were off being Miss Independent? Should've told me sooner, I feel a little betrayed.

There is a .0002% chance of it interacting with me in any way. Is that a more comfortable statistic for you?
I thought you would notice before I had to say anything.

Yeeeah, I guess them statistics are way better. Not that I really care that much about the chances of you interacting with pussy.

They must be hiding, it's the only explanation I have for not noticing.

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