FOUR ♋

[selfhatred]

[The page is a myriad of crossed out sentences, most of them unintelligible, before it finishes in one sentence. This was also meant to be private but Mr Crabbypants forgot about that.]

I'M SORRY.

[After a few minutes that's scribbled out too and then this appears]

I'LL BE IN THE OWLERY IF ANYONE NEEDS ME.

Comments

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

uHHH, tHAT'S PRETTY FUNNY TIMING, i WAS ACTUALLY HEADED UP THERE TO, uH, mAIL A LETTER TO MUM,
iF YOU WANT TO GO TOGETHER,

[selfhatred]

I'M ALREADY UP HERE, DUMBASS.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

,,,oH, i JUST THOUGHT THAT, iT SOUNDED LIKE YOU WERE, uH, gOING AND NOT, tHERE ALREADY,
bUT YOU'RE RIGHT, mY ASS IS DUMB FOR ASSUMING,

uHHH, i GUESS i'LL SEE YOU SOON, tHEN,

[selfhatred]

I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

FUCK. I'LL COME DOWN AND GET YOU. BETTER THAN MOPING UP HERE IN THE RAFTERS ANYWAY.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

uHHH, nO IT'S OKAY,
iF YOU'RE THERE ALREADY THEN, tHAT WOULD BE TOO MUCH OF A BOTHER,

[selfhatred]

IT'S NO FUCKING BOTHER.
YOU NEED TO START LEARNING THAT WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS YOU FUCKING HELP YOU FUCKING TAKE IT.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

uHHH, yEAH YOU'RE RIGHT, i GUESS MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE RUDE,
i JUST, uH,
nO, nEVERMIND, i'LL BE THERE SOON,

[Tavros arrives at the steps leading up to the owlery a little while later, looking kind of nervous.]

[selfhatred]

[Karkat is already waiting at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against one of the wide, snow covered stone railings. He's bundled up again, the area around his eyes showing a little pink tinge, gaze narrowed but without the anger behind them that's usually there. Instead there's something that looks a little like regret.]

It's about time, douche.

[mo_cara]

[And not long after that, a lanky Slytherin appears, slouching into the owlery and looking for his bff.]

[selfhatred]

[He'll find Karkat sitting on one of the large open windowsills, bundled up in his hoodie and robes draping down the side. In his left hand there's an envelope dangling between his fingers as he leans his head on his arms, knees curled up to his chest as he stares out the other direction.]

[mo_cara]

[Without saying anything, Gamzee inserts himself behind Karkat on the windowsill and wraps his arms around the smaller boy's shoulders, pulling him back against the Slytherin's chest. He's not sure what's wrong, but he figures they'll get to it soon enough. Right now, it looks like a brother needs a motherfuckin' hug.]

[selfhatred]

[The moment he feels someone behind him, he knows it's Gamzee. The Slytherin's pretty much the only one who would so something like that, and Jade's body isn't exactly big enough to envelope him in a hug like Gamzee's can. As soon as the taller boy wraps himself around him, Karkat hunches his shoulders, continuing to stare out at the school grounds.]

[mo_cara]

[Gamzee just holds him like that for a good long while, before asking] You get some bad news, best friend?

[selfhatred]

[It takes him a moment to answer. Gamzee can probably hear his voice crack, a tell tale sign he was crying earlier. He raises an arm to rub his nose with the back of his hand.] Nah. I never send these things.

[mo_cara]

[Gamzee's hand finds his friend's hair, starts to stroke through it. It's like a reflex gesture for him - whenever Karkat's upset, he hugs him and pets his hair. Long, cool fingers stroke through thick, dark locks.] What is it?

[selfhatred]

[This whole friendship thing is still kind of strange to him, but the hair strokes is something that his uncle does when he's overly pissed or upset so he just settles back against Gamzee.]

A letter to my old man.

[mo_cara]

I thought you didn't get on too good with that motherfucker? [stroking from Karkat's temples back, smoothing his hair]

[selfhatred]

I don't. That's why I never send them. [His hunched shoulders relax just a little, though he's still a bit tense.] They're just full of things he'll never read.

[mo_cara]

What all you be putting in there? [Gamzee's voice is mellow, soothing. It's obvious he won't press if Karkat doesn't want to talk about it, but he is a bit curious. The Slytherin's never written a letter he wouldn't send, can't imagine doing it. What would he write to his mother? Or even his father, really, who was still sort of around?]

[selfhatred]

[Karkat's quiet for a moment before he leans back against Gamzee with a sigh, letting his arms droop against his legs, dangling between the open space.] Stuff. Mostly about mum.

[mo_cara]

[The taller boy buries his nose against Karkat's neck, breathing in the comforting smell of him, boy and soap and whatever shampoo it is the Gryffindor uses.] You been thinking about that fine lady a lot, lately?

[selfhatred]

[It takes another moment for him to speak, tilting his head back against Gamzee's and mildly hoping he's not wiping snot in his hair.]

Today's the anniversary.

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Tavros tries not to look overly hurt at the insult. It's Karkat, he should be used to that, right? It helps that Karkat doesn't look...mad, but Tavros can't tell exactly what it is in his expression.]

Uhh, sorry. Next time I'll try and be faster.

[mo_cara]

[He needn't have worried - Gamzee's nose is warm and not at all damp. The bigger boy is silent for a moment, thinking, then nods in sudden understanding.]

Of when your mum died.

[selfhatred]

[Gamzee would feel Karkat's body tense at the words before he tilts his head against his chest, continuing to look anywhere but at the other as he rested it against the curve of Gamzee's neck.]