❀ oo5:: Maternal love.

[thornsofoglogoth]

Good morning, all. I do believe I've just experienced karmic retribution.
Consider this a thinly veiled tribute and public service announcement: my darling mother is, in fact, somewhere in the vicinity of this castle.

I woke up to several My Little Unicorn dolls and three wizened statues of Albus Dumbledore hobnobbing on my bedside table - as well as two bottles of Old Ogden's Firewhisky which I have surrendered to the appropriate authorities.

Mother, come out, come out, wherever you are. I haven't quite thanked you properly for the gifts and veritable flood of letters I experience every weekend. May we shower each other with familial gestures of kindness all day and may I revel in your maternal charms this fine mothering Sunday.

Everyone, meet my mother, whom I love unconditionally.

Someone, anyone, please kill me now.

Comments

[thornsofoglogoth]

[Touché. :C]

Maybe.
Are you gauging your interest based on my representation of her physical assets?

[stridingironically]

no im just screwing with you.
though what can i say you did pique my interest.
i am but a man after all.
mommy boobs are a guilty pleasure.

[thornsofoglogoth]

I'm not sure I want to know.

[stridingironically]

would you feel more comfortable if we stopped talking about your moms jugs.

[thornsofoglogoth]

Quite possibly.

[stridingironically]

alright i can take a hint.
so whatd ya cross out up there.
come on its been a while.
i left it alone but now the itch is back.

[thornsofoglogoth]

I'll tell you if you tell me what you crossed out.

[stridingironically]

oh fine if you must know.
i was stating how much i want to squeeze your mothers boulders.

[thornsofoglogoth]

And I was stating how strikingly similar you appeared in terms of parental capability.

Private

[stridingironically]

[...Fuck what her mother said, fuck the fact they hadn't even told the two of them yet. That shit was out of line and he wasn't having it.]

alright lalonde.
rose.
i mean i guess i can call you rose right.
unless you want me to just call you lalonde.
fuck it the point is.

whats your beef with big mama.

Private

[thornsofoglogoth]

Call me what you like, but what's my beef to you, Mister Strider?

Private

[stridingironically]

look can you just retract the mind tentacles for a moment.
and just answer the question.
seriously.

Private

[thornsofoglogoth]

Why?
You're my best friend's eccentric older brother who appears to have rather abruptly developed an unholy interest in my mother.
I'm sorry, but I'm not divulging my innermost thoughts and grievances regarding my personal relationships to a complete stranger.

You're smart, though. Given what you know of her I'm certain you can work it out.

Private

[stridingironically]

okay you wouldnt believe me if i told you this has nothing to do with your moms boobs would you.
thats a rhetorical question because i know the answer.

if thats the case then just pretend im dave or something.
im not even a stranger.
im a strider.
you know one of us you know all of us.
except not really but come the fuck on.
can you just indulge me in this for once.
maybe im trying to get a degree in family counseling.
its for a book report.