❀ oo5:: Maternal love.

[thornsofoglogoth]

Good morning, all. I do believe I've just experienced karmic retribution.
Consider this a thinly veiled tribute and public service announcement: my darling mother is, in fact, somewhere in the vicinity of this castle.

I woke up to several My Little Unicorn dolls and three wizened statues of Albus Dumbledore hobnobbing on my bedside table - as well as two bottles of Old Ogden's Firewhisky which I have surrendered to the appropriate authorities.

Mother, come out, come out, wherever you are. I haven't quite thanked you properly for the gifts and veritable flood of letters I experience every weekend. May we shower each other with familial gestures of kindness all day and may I revel in your maternal charms this fine mothering Sunday.

Everyone, meet my mother, whom I love unconditionally.

Someone, anyone, please kill me now.

Comments

private

[martiniology]

Possibly the latter, we were never meant to be parents, were we?

And while that is sweet of you, it's okay. Don't worry about it, alright? You know, sometimes I forget how sensitive you can be under that "ironic" layer you usually hide beneath. Cute.

private

[stridingironically]

nope.
its not like we havent done what we fucking could though.
but when youre us thats not enough.
oh listen to me youre making me sound like some kind of god damn sap.
damn you lalonde.
you know its your perky tits that caused all this.
tell the girls i said a big fat fucking thanks.
also that i kinda miss em.
but thats off the subject.

im not fucking cute.
dont go there lalonde.
fuck.
i guess i can understand that.
i wouldnt want you talking to dave either.
unless you wanted to.
i mean you kinda have that right.
but yeah.
offers still on the table.

private

[martiniology]

Strider, your obsession over my breasts is sort of leading uncomfortable roads, when was the last time you got laid?

But we'll see, first things come first -- we have to tell them.

And you are being absolutely adorable.

private

[stridingironically]

what.
no see if you think i havent been getting laid then we have a problem.
the problem being you dont know me at all.
i get laid every fucking night thank you.
you just happen to have the best pair of jugs in all of great motherfucking britain.
sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.
we can head down those roads for a night though.
old times sake and all.
but if it leads to the same situation were in now
i may consider castration.
yes this is extreme even for me thank you for asking.

yeah we do.
you go get problem child numero uno and ill go get problem child numero dipshit.

shut the fuck up because now youre making me blush.

private

[martiniology]

Hah. I'll take that as a compliment then, I suppose.

And alright, that sounds like a deal.

;)

private

[stridingironically]

8T