TWELVE ♋

[selfhatred]

[filtered from Equius]

IF ZAHHAK ASKS IF YOU'VE SEEN ME, YOU HAVEN'T.
SERIOUSLY, MY LIFE IS ON THE LINE HERE.
I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM TO READ 50 SHADES OF GRAY.
AND THEN LENT HIM MY COPY.
WITHOUT TELLING HIM THE REAL PREMISE.
BUT SERIOUSLY.
YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

Comments

filtered

[selfhatred]

I AM N--
I GAVE UP--

[both those and a whole bunch of other sentences are messily crossed out to the point where you can't read them]

IT'S NOT MY FAULT THEY'VE GOT YOU WRAPPED AROUND THEIR CONJOINED FINGER, STRIDER.
BESIDES, THE HARLEYBERTS HAVE NO EFFECT ON ME.
I'M IMMUNE TO PUPPY EYES.
ONCE YOU'VE LIVED WITH NEPETA FOR A FEW YEARS, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.

filtered

[clockspinner]

[Shoosh Karkat platonic puppy eyes are still a thing.]

uh huh
in case you couldnt tell
eye contact is not really a strider thing
i am not wrapped around their conjoined finger i just


fuck it
nevermind
fuck you
i hope zahhak finds you

filtered

[selfhatred]

[Ugh. Damnit. He's probably going to regret this.]

STRIDER, GET THE FUCK BACK HERE.
WE'RE TALKING THIS OUT.

filtered

[clockspinner]

no fuck you
theres nothing to talk about
im reading fifty shades of getting the fuck out of here

filtered

[selfhatred]

I'M EXTENDING A FUCKING OLIVE BRANCH, STRIDER.
WOULD IT KILL YOU TO JUST SWALLOW YOUR GODDAMN PRIDE AND TALK ABOUT SHIT FOR A CHANGE?

filtered

[clockspinner]

no
im shooting your dove out of the air
i dont need relationship advice
jade and i are happy as fucking clams
which are apparently very content with their lives

filtered

[selfhatred]

THIS ISN'T ABOUT HARLEY OR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.
YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR CHEST THAT YOU NEED TO LET GO OF.
SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT I WANT TO HELP YOU.

filtered

[clockspinner]

the only thing on my chest are my sweetass perky little nipples
and chest hair
which is something you probably dont have yet

filtered

[selfhatred]

NIPPLES ARE ONLY PERKY WHEN IT'S COLD, ASSHOLE.
AND FUCK YOU, YOU JUST WISH YOU HAD MY BOYISH GOOD LOOKS.

filtered

[clockspinner]

im always cold
my genes expect texas and get antarctica instead
and my mammaries are always perky
perpetually perky petit pips

you wish you were the specimen of manliness that i am

filtered

[selfhatred]

ONLY GIRLS HAVE MAMMARY GLANDS, STRIDER.
OR DID YOU FAIL BIOLOGY?

NOPE. WHY WOULD I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A BLOND, RETARDED BULGE SUCKER WHO WEARS SUNGLASSES INDOORS BECAUSE HE THINKS IT LOOKS COOL?

filtered

[clockspinner]

wow could you be more wrong
i dont think so
the only thing different from girls and guys is that girls have big ol sacks of fat on their chests
men can lactate too if they get hold of the right hormones

...aite im done
fuck off vantas

filtered

[selfhatred]

YEAH, HORMONES. THERE'S ONLY CERTAIN CASES WHERE THEY LACTATE ON THEIR OWN AND IT'S USUALLY WHEN THEY'RE STARVING.

...JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
YOU'RE TESTIER THAN A FUCKING GIRL.

[clockspinner]

[NOPE. DONE.]

[selfhatred]

[WELL HE'S NOT.

And he's coming to find you, damnit, Dave.]

action

[clockspinner]

[He's up in their room rearranging his dead things so that they're all staring in Karkat's direction.

And wishing he could have brought Bessie the cow fetus.]

[selfhatred]

[Bilious Slick is just staring back at the dead things from the bedside table a few beds over, blinking slowly in a froggy way before the door to the fourth year dorm opens with a slight bang.]

Strider, we need to talk.

[clockspinner]

[Dave does not even turn to look at Karkat.]

Nope.

[selfhatred]

[If that's the way Dave's going to play, then Karkat just marches over and grabs hold of his roommate, yanking him around roughly to face him.]

Yes. For fuck's sake, Strider, we never have a decent conversation before you start pussy footing around the subject!

[clockspinner]

[Dave's lips curl in a sneer and he jerks away from his roommate's hand, glaring behind his shades.]

What subject? There is no subject. And my feet so far as I know remain neither paws nor vaginas.

[selfhatred]

[Karkat sneers right back, withdrawing his hand to his side where it clenched into a fist as he raised his voice.]

What the hell is your problem with me?! I'm just trying to help!

[clockspinner]

[Dave scoffs.]

Right. "Help." [#airquotes] Like you've ever been interested in helping me before. I'm telling you it's fine. Why can't you let it rest? Christ.

[selfhatred]

Because... [He gives a small sigh, glancing away.] Because I was always jealous of you, you dick.

[clockspinner]

[...That's a look of complete disbelief.]

Uh-huh.

[selfhatred]

I'm telling the fucking truth! [He spreads his arms for emphasis.] I'm jealous of you! I, Karkat Vantas, am fucking jealous of Dave Strider.