(no subject)

[clockspinner]

what i did over my summer vacation
by dave strider



pictured here is the sweetass party that i threw while the professors were all away
of course bro wasnt mad i can get away with murder
besides no one died or ended up bleeding that badly




guess where bro took me as a reward
thats right suckers i got to go to knockturn alley
and not only that but



i got this cool thing
its a beaver fetus
its super tiny look at it isnt it adorable oh my god
from the moment i saw it i knew it was mine
and only five sickles too

i did other shit too but
i wanted to show off my beaver fetus

Comments

[clockspinner]

jesus youre going senile already
remember the dragon event from last year
me and wilbur won so we got to keep ours
we are the best dragon egg parents
it is us

that is lieutenant master doctor viscount sean pimpdaddy connery the third esquire

[clockspinner]

yep sure is
he just got sorted this year
actual first year dirk strider

idk if thats a good idea if you cant apparate yet

[clockspinner]

thank you
i am the proudest beaver fetus parent
his name is midget
i think its a he
idk how to sex beavers

i know but
bro was real paranoid about me picking something out

[cantstarvethisfire]

That's a fairly girly name for a male beaver.

There's no point in taking you if you can't get something useful.

[cantfightthisfire]

Oh yeah, he was one of the kids the hat took a while on. I didn't think it would ever end and I was getting hungry.

I either go alone or I don't go at all because there's nobody to go with. And it's not like I really need anyone anyway. I can take care of myself.

[clockspinner]

well its not like he made it to sexual maturity
besides whats wrong with girly names
what if i told you that my full name was annagottadavida leslie panini strider

and news flash not everything has to have a point
besides what if he got something useful and he took me along to get whatever i wanted
why always with the assumptions

[clockspinner]

the hats taken a while on every strider far as i know
then again knowing bro was a perfect angel child in school it probably didnt even have to touch his head
its just me and dirk who are problem children

sucks for you then

[cantstarvethisfire]

I'd say you have a fairly girly name too. I'd probably call you Sandwich.

I guess it's better than a cursed monkey hand.

[cantfightthisfire]

Somehow I seriously doubt he was anything near an angel, you're giving him too much credit.

Yeah, whatever.

[clockspinner]

then slather me in mustard and get ready to take a bite cause that is my name
and im offended that you think its girly

i almost got a shrunken head but then they started talking and i noped out of there like my ass was on fire

[clockspinner]

how do you know you didnt go to school with him
sure seems like he was perfect from everything ive heard
have you seen how many trophies in the trophy room have his name on them
spoiler alert the dirk strider with all the bling bling aint the 11 year old

[cantstarvethisfire]

You'll live.

Smart move.

[clockspinner]

only if you admit im probably a delicious sandwich

yep
hard to go wrong with a fetus in a jar

[cantfightthisfire]

I'm just saying, looking at him now, it's hard to ever picture him being anything close to an angel. He's too...

Himself.

[arrogantalloy]

Who's disputing you're ability to not boil an egg? If anything, being proud of hatching a thing that could cook you before it eats you, probably makes you stranger.

You do know that. What you just wrote, explained nothing. What I wanted was an explanation.

[cantstarvethisfire]

You probably won't live then.

[clockspinner]

wow rude
how can you turn down a primo offer of cannibalism like that
its not everyone i offer to let eat me
usually i save that shit for craigslist

[cantstarvethisfire]

Not the first time someone said that to me this week.

[clockspinner]

back up the hate train cause you did not just imply that bro wasnt born to a chorus of angels
he came rapping out the womb and left a rainbow vapor trail from his moms crusty vag
and then flew out of the room and roundhouse kicked chuck norris in the face before the doc even cut his umbilical cord
walker texas ranger?
more like needs a walker texas ranger

[clockspinner]

oh my god
lieutenant master doctor viscount sean pimpdaddy connery the third esquire
is the animated stuffed dragon
that wilbs and i have joint custody of
because we are the biggest winners and also best egg parents

[clockspinner]

what can i say
you bring out the inner vorarephile in people

[cantfightthisfire]

Wow.

Everything was fine up until you gave me the mental image of a crusty vag, and then it was just like... Could you get anymore fucking nasty?

Anyway, calm the fuck down, I wasn't hating on him, for fuck's sake. Hang up your goddamn white armor before I stab your fucking horse. I didn't mean it as an insult.

Not here

[plushaeusrumpified]

Not here

[clockspinner]

[clockspinner]

you dont know the old bitch
everything about her is crusty
bro is the diamond she squeezed out of her frigid cooter

hey
hey
there will be no equine abuse up in here
you might trigger my sister