sortinghat_rp | Journal Entry #5

wHaT kInDs Of ThInGs?
I mEaN, i FeEl LiKe We HaD uS sOmE tAlKiNg ThAt WaS fUlL oF mIrAcLeS, aNd ThAt'S tHe StRaIgHt Up TrUtH.
bUt WaS tHaT wHaT yOu Be MeAnInG bY rElIeF?

We did. And quite a few things did come to light, so to speak. And I was beginning to think that they weren't going to resolve themselves and that there was something wrong with me on either a physical or psychological level. I think we talked about this in Glasgow. We might have. Or maybe I just thought about it. But in any case, I was wrong, so it doesn't really matter now.

[pause]

I think we should be discussing this in person.

aIn'T nOtHiNg WrOnG wItH yOu!

[Okay, now wait, he has to think back to what they talked about in Glasgow. What would Shinra be talking about ... ?]

YoU'rE jUsT sTiLl FiGuRiNg ShIt OuT, tHaT's Ok, BrO!
yOu WaNnA mEeT uP sOmEwHeRe?

I was, but I think I've figured out everything that I needed to.
Or more accurately, I had something of an epiphany. [pause] ♥

I would like to do that. I'm not sure when though. I'm serving quite a lot of detention this month and I'm not sure when it's all going to be taking place.

What does your schedule look like?

[Something of a- oh. Oh! If that means what he thinks it means ... ]

I gOt MiNe AfTeR dInNeR eVeRy NiGhT.
bUt We CoUlD mEeT bEfOrE bReAkFaSt Or RiGhT bEfOrE dInNeR.
oR wE cOuLd Be SnEaKiNg OuT rIgHt NoW.
i GuEsS wHeNeVeR, bUt I tHiNk I wAnT tO bE sEeInG yOu As SoOn As PoSsIbLe.
♥

Mine usually takes place after dinner as well. So meeting then would be out of the question because I don't want to upset Professor Peixes more than I already have.

But I could meet you now if you like.

HeLl YeAh!
:o)

[And then Gamzee will look up from his journal and over to the Ravenclaw table for Shinra, while shoving his quill and ink away in his bag and starting to rise from the bench.]

[Shinra has closed his journal and is currently putting it back in his bag along with his quill and ink. He then looks up, spotting Gamzee and waving excitedly.]

[The taller boy grins back, dropping his journal in his bag and slinging it over his shoulders as he weaves around some chatting classmates, making a beeline for the other boy. When he finally reaches him, though, he seems almost shy, biting the inside of his lower lip.]

So, hey, you, uh, want to take a motherfuckin' walk?

[Shinra grabs his back and manoeuvres his way over to Gamzee with some difficulty because there are a lot of people in the great hall at the moment. When they do meet, he looks up at the other boy with a small, contemplative smile.]

I would like that. It would be best to talk about this away from the great hall, just given the subject matter.

[He pauses for a moment before holding out his hand, offering it to Gamzee.]

[The smile that breaks over Gamzee's features as he sees the offered hand is so sweet and earnest and raw as to be almost painful. He folds his big hand into the smaller boy's, squeezing warmly, and then starting with him towards the doors. It's not until they're out of the noise and bustle of the Hall that he finally says anything, though.]

I'm glad you wanted to be talking to me. I, um. Was hoping you didn't think I be saying all that shit at the party because I was high. Because I didn't. I mean, I was motherfuckin' high! But I didn't make nothing up or anything.

[Shinra smiles right back, happily returning the hand-squeeze as they make their way out of the Hall and into the corridors. He looks down somewhat sheepishly as Gamzee speaks.]

Admittedly, I did at first. But I did realize that I was wrong about that fairly quickly.

[He looks up at Gamzee, smiling pensively once again.]

Because you were right. Everything you said was beautifully insightful.

[The older boy looks back, blinking.] Yeah? 'Cause I was just saying what was up in my pump biscuit.

[He's quiet for a moment, then ventures, as they head down the corridor toward the outside of the castle-] So what did you be meaning about it being a relief, exactly?

[Shinra beams at that]

That's exactly what I was talking about at the party. You have an almost preternatural ability to say the most incredibly insightful things without even really thinking about it! It's fascinating!

[He then pauses for a moment, contemplating how to answer Gamzee's question.]

I suppose I mentioned this before, but I was starting to wonder if I was... for lack of a better term, romantically defective. But now that I think on it, it was just like the sense of incompletion we talked about. Or like the things that sometimes seem to escape your mind. So I don't think I ever really was defective. It just felt as if I was because didn't know what to look for.

I never thought you were defective. [squeezing Shinra's hand, then shifting his grip so their fingers lace together] You just take some time to wrap your pan around shit, because you got to be looking at all angles and shapes and sides. I like that about you.

[pausing, then looks back down at Shinra, suddenly nervous again, despite the fact that the boy he likes is holding his hand - it may not seem likely that the Ravenclaw's going to start gushing about someone else, but ... what if he's wrong?]

So you found what you been looking all around for?

[He laughs softly.] All things considered, I'm very glad you didn't think that.

[He then looks up, meeting Gamzee's gaze with a half smile.]

You said so yourself, although admittedly, you were intoxicated at the time, but looking back, I don't think it makes it any less true. We do fit and I'm still not sure of why but I don't think I really need to be. So, I think it is safe to say that I have found what I should have been looking for.

Oh. [The sound spills helplessly from Gamzee's mouth and he stops in his tracks, very nearly tripping over his own feet and just staring down at the other boy, pink rushing up into his cheeks. Gamzee's pretty sure no one has ever said anything like that to him before - he's never been what anyone was looking for. How could he be?]

Oh, motherfuck.

[He reaches out and grabs Shinra's other hand, not caring at all in the moment if anyone's around to see, and then holding both he moves so that he's facing the Ravenclaw. His neck is bent to stare down at him with wide, dark eyes, his heart beating somewhere up around the vicinity of his throat. Shinra's face is his entire world in that moment - there can't possibly be anything else that matters.]

You really mean that? You're ... for real, you're wanting to be with me?

[He can't keep himself from grinning up at the other boy as he takes his hands and moves to face him. His gaze is locked on Gamzee's, even as he tilts his head somewhat inquisitively.]

Of course I do. Isn't that what I said on Saturday? Although I suppose I did say it in many more words. And with quite a few metaphors, but that was what I was hoping to say. But that is what I meant.

[He squeezes Gamzee's hands, his smile becoming slightly knowing as he leans in ever so slightly.]

You did mean to say the same thing, didn't you?

Hell yes! [The words are almost yelped - if Gamzee's voice hadn't changed last year or so it might have cracked on them, so great is his desire to get them out.]

I just ... I didn't be knowing if you meant as friends, or ... or you know, like boyfriends. [The taller boy feels almost dizzy, like when he's held his breath for a long time. In a way, that's what he's been doing, really.

He gently lets go of Shinra's hands, raising them to slide his fingers along the Ravenclaw's cheeks, up to his temples, practically cupping the other boy's face in his hands as he leans over to be only inches away.]

I'm sorry, but I think I gotta be motherfuckin' kissing you now. [solemnly, and then he gives Shinra a heartbeat or two to object before he leans in and presses his lips against the other boy's, heart fluttering wildly]

Edited 2012-09-19 08:19 (UTC)

[Shinra's smile becomes almost giddy as Gamzee takes his face in his hands, but his gaze remains intently focused- not leaving the other boy's eyes for a moment- and he nods solemnly as Gamzee leans in to kiss him. He then closes his eyes, taking a moment to really absorb all the different sensations -and really, everything about this moment- before leaning up into the kiss and quickly moving to wind his arms around Gamzee's waist.]

[This is ... different, than all the times he's casually made out with Maxim. Or the one time he kissed Arthur, just to let the other boy see what it was like. Different than anything he's done when he's high. Partially because Shinra's never done it before, and a part of him feels fiercely protective of this moment and making it right for the Ravenclaw, and partially because he's worried himself about making a good impression, about impressing this boy that wants so desperately to like him back.

And partially because Gamzee wants it so bad, has for awhile.

One hand slips to the back of Shinra's neck, fingers tangling with the short hairs there, and he moves his lips gently, resisting the urge to immediately try to stick his tongue in the smaller boy's mouth. Instead he just shifts minutely, finding the ways their mouth can fit together in increments, or at least for as long as the Ravenclaw will let him.]

[If Shinra hadn't been convinced that all the theories they'd discussed at the party were true, he would be now because everything about this was right. They really did fit and he wasn't sure if it was because of him making sense of Gamzee's fragments or Gamzee making sense of everything he'd thought was defective about him. Or maybe sense didn't factor into any of this. Whatever the case, this was right and that was really all that mattered.

He tilts his head slightly in response to Gamzee's shifting -trying to help him to find the right positioning, whatever that happens to be- and exhales slowly and almost blissfully as the other boy's hand finds its way to the back of his neck. His arms constrict around the Slytherin's waist, pulling him just a bit closer.]

[The slight tug pulls Gamzee up against the smaller boy's body, making him have to bend a little more to keep lip contact, but that's okay, because he's bendy, and this is really, really good. His lips half part as they kiss, because really, it all felt right as long as their noses and teeth weren't banging together.

But he finally breaks off before his tongue finds its way into Shinra's mouth - he's not sure if you're supposed to get hot and heavy on your first kiss with someone, no matter how much you want to. He stays close, though, pressing his forehead against the smaller boy's, his thumb stroking along one cheekbone.]

Wow.

[Shinra keeps his arms wrapped around Gamzee's waist as the Slytherin pulls back and looks up at him in an unguarded state of glee and reverence. He tilts his head once again as the other boy's thumb makes its way across his cheekbone, leaning into the touch in an almost catlike manner.]

You really are fascinating on so many levels.

[Gamzee laughs, softly, because in that moment it almost feels like they're in a church, or a library, somewhere you have to be respectful and awed - but he's too happy not to. He sort of feels like maybe his heart is going to spring a leak, it's so full right now.]

You just like kissing. Told you it could be motherfuckin' good. [He traces the line of Shinra's jaw with his thumb then, liking the way the other boy moves into it. He feels like he's doing something right, to see that smile, and that's not a common feeling for a boy who often drifts through life, not quite knowing which way is up or down.]

[Filtered]

[Filtered]

[Filtered]

[Filtered]

[Filtered]

[Filtered]

[Filtered]

[Filtered]

[Action, from now on]

[Action, from now on]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject