sortinghat_rp | Nine Smuppets; Text

[Oops, Murdoc is kind of horribly ashamed of his first and probably only impression of David. OH WELL. Now he feels kind of awful. He saw a ghost as well this week, but hell if he's going to start bringing her up again, he doesn't want to go back to feeling sad.]

Life is always going to throw unpleasant experiences back in your face, Dirk. I understand that it was traumatic for both of you, but you can't hide forever. ~~I would hate for you to lea~~

That being said, is there anything I can do for you or for Dirk?

I

Yeah. I know that. But this? Did it really have to be this?

Are you really willing to give me what I wa

what I think I need right now?

The events over the past few days seem to span from ridiculous ~~and embarras~~ to traumatic. There doesn't seem to be a trend in it at all, though it might warrant an investigation. It's nothing to do with Hogwarts and everything to do with suspicious behaviour.

[Stop being an auror.]

I suppose that depends on what it is. You were able to help me when I needed it, it's only right that I return the favour.

I didn't even pay attention to anybody else- except, y'know. The pirate thing. That was. I don't even know. I don't care though. I don't care about anything except the fact I just... It's fucked up.

Then right now I just

need to see you.

Then it's probably of little comfort to find you aren't the only one who saw a ghost, trust me.

The less said about the pirate thing, the better.

Alright. Where are you?

Oh. I'm sorry. I...

[He wants to ask if Murdoc's okay, but. Maybe he'll do that in person. Since he actually agreed to it.]

Thanks... I'm in my room.

It's fine, my ego has been bruised before.

I'll be there shortly.

[For an old guy with a bad back he actually is pretty quick! Bro will hear a knock at the door.]

[He doesn't respond after that, not really even sure what to say. So he just lays in bed waiting.

When the knock at the door comes, he pulls himself off of the bed slowly. It's almost physically painful with how heavy his body feels, the weight in his chest feeling like a huge anchor holding him down. But he makes it to the door after a minute or two, and pulls it open.

He isn't wearing his shades, they're on the bedside table. So all of the hurt and pain he's feeling right now is apparent in his eyes. They're dry though, so it's clear he hasn't been crying. Yet.

And when he sees Murdoc, the part of him that's been keeping himself held together loosens. Almost like a damn crumbling. But he forces himself to keep it together for now. He doesn't want to break down in front of him just yet.

But just because he isn't going to cry right now doesn't mean he can stop himself from stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Murdoc tightly. Because goddamn it he needed a hug.]

Thanks for coming.

[This feels so much like deja vu to Murdoc. Only Bro is playing his part and most of the situation is totally different, the familiarity in Bro's actions are enough to give him pangs of sympathy.

The hug surprises him a little, and he's quick to step forward, nudging them both into the room and shutting the door with his foot. Then, he wraps his arms back around Dirk, though it's obvious he's not very good at being affectionate. He doesn't seem to know quite where to put his hands, but he's trying.

He gives his back a pat and squeezes his arms a little tighter around him.]

It's the least I could do, Dirk. Is there anythin' else I can help with?

[It doesn't matter at all to Bro if Murdoc isn't very good at hugging. A few months ago, neither was Bro, even though he's become somewhat of a natural at it by now. He'd just never realized how much he needed them. How good they felt. To him it was perfect because it's exactly what he needed right now, it didn't matter how it happened. A hug was a hug.

When Murdoc spoke, he just squeezed him tighter for a few long moments. Murdoc was slightly taller than him and he couldn't rest his chin on Murdoc's shoulder, so he just settled for turning his head to the side and laying it against Murdoc's chest. It was a few seconds longer before Bro was able to speak, and when he did his voice was quiet.]

Just stay here with me...for the night?

[He wasn't asking for anything more than Murdoc's presence. He just didn't want to be alone. He couldn't be alone. It would drive him crazy. He needed someone who understood and who would just be there. Murdoc was the only one he could possibly think of.]

[Murdoc sure hopes he's enjoying it, because he's always felt so terribly awkward when put on the spot for affection. It's not that he's not enjoying it on some level himself, he just doesn't want to be a disappointment.

When Dirk rests his head on his chest, he feels a hell of a lot more reassured in the fact that he's doing this right. Although now he's a little concerned because the shift in position made his heart flutter ever so slightly. How pathetically girly of him. He can't help thinking it's endearing the way the other man is nestled against him, but it embarrasses him anyway. Now is really not the time to be thinking about that.

He clears his throat and gives Dirk another pat on his back, trying to look so serene about all of this.]

I can do that.

[His voice is soft, sort of uncertain. He can do it, but should he? Dirk needs him right now, so there's no way in hell he isn't going to stay. But he can't help but feel that kick of guilt telling him he shouldn't be here.]

Why don't we sit down?

[That would be great right now. Murdoc's back aches and he can feel himself getting jelly legs from this whole situation.]

[Bro isn't even thinking about whether or not they should be doing this. He's just thinking about how much he needs Murdoc right now. He doesn't even think it's selfish of him. Because he's hurting so much that it's just an overwhelming need that he can't help.

It also makes it hard for him to sense how awkward Murdoc is right now because he himself is just so... into it. He isn't thinking about awkwardness or anything, he's just thinking about how good this feels. How natural it feels. How much he really just goddamn needs it. And how absolutely and utterly grateful he is when Murdoc agrees to stay with him. Because he honestly has no one else and it's a great feeling knowing he has him.

At Murdoc's suggestion, he swallows against the lump that he hadn't known was forming in his thread and then nods against his chest. It's a few seconds before he can bring himself to pull away, because the comfort of being in Murdoc's arms is just overwhelmingly good. When he pulls away, there's an emptiness and the damn containing his feelings cracks further. He's being stupid but he can't help it.

To prevent too much damage from being done, he reaches down and threads a hand into Murdoc's, pulling him towards the bed wordlessly.]

[It's really hard for Murdoc to put his worries behind him, even if this is probably one of the more comfortable hugs he's ever experienced.

It doesn't help that he's starting to like the feel of having Bro so close to him. He's not sure when it became so appealing to him, but the idea of leaving him at this moment just seems wrong. Perhaps he's just become more empathetic these days.

He watches Dirk carefully as he moves, expecting him to flop into a chair or some such object. He doesn't expect him to take his hand and he certainly doesn't expect to be lead in that direction.

He takes a step forward before pausing, not letting Dirk pull him any further but not letting go of his hand.]

Were are you takin' me?

[At first Bro is slightly confused by Murdoc's reaction. Because to be honest he hadn't even thought of a chair. He just knew he's tired and wanted to just. Lay down. Because his body still felt heavy, even if hugging Murdoc had made it feel a little lighter.

But after a second it clicks, and he feels a bit silly for it. He'd not meant to make Murdoc thing anything inappropriate was going to happen, because to be honest that was one of the last things on his mind. At least it had been.]

The bed.

[His voice is quiet, but casual and almost... innocent? It should make it clear that he really doesn't intend for anything to happen.]

It's more comfortable. And I'm tired and just... wanna lay down. It's what I was doing before you got here.

[He gives Murdoc's hand a small, reassuring squeeze.]

Please?

[With the additional clarity, Murdoc takes another step forward, giving Dirk a half smile. Why does it have to be like this? Why does he have to draw lines and hesitate when things look suspicious.

Though, to be perfectly fair, his mind did drift back to that night they shared as soon as he tried to take him toward the bed. Mutually comforting sex would be amazing right now. It was just so warm and safe to be like someone like that. However, right now it could only be deemed inappropiate and risky.

He steps forward until he's close enough to bump his forehead against Dirk's shoulder with a soft sigh.]

Forgive me. [He nudges him forward a little.] Bed sounds like a good idea. [He squeezes his hand back.]

[He can't help but smile gratefully at that, half tempted to reach up with his free hand and stroke Murdoc's hair, but he doesn't. Even if his hand does twitch slightly. Instead, he just moves and goes toward the bed at Murdoc's urging. It's then he has to finally let go of Murdoc's hand so that he can climb onto it and when he does, he can feel himself crumbling. It's so stupid but it's not even something he can help.

Nonetheless, he crawls forward and twists, collapsing against the pillow with a soft thud. He feels exhausted and it feels like everything physically hurts. And mentally. Everything hurts, really. And the only thing that he can do is wait for Murdoc to join him as he fights to keep control of his stupid emotions.

He's never needed someone like this that he can ever remember. It's a weird feeling but it isn't something he can fight. He just wants to be held and to feel like he isn't alone and the only way for that to happen is if he has Murdoc. Because Murdoc is the only person he can logically think of that would do this for him. Maybe it's because they're so similar. He doesn't know. He doesn't care. Right now it doesn't matter.]

[Murdoc follows Dirk obediently into the bedroom, keeping a careful eye on him as he moves around. He's seen Dirk in emotionally vunerable states before, but it feels like there's less he can do to help this time. He can't fix this with clarification or advice, he can only comfort the other man as he works through his feelings.

He allows him to clamber back into bed, feeling bad for finding it so terribly endearing. He reaches downward, running a cold hand up and down the other man's back before stepping back to remove his boots and coat.

Now free of those, he feels both more and less comfortable about following the other man into his bed. He can't. He knows he needs to but he can't just. Get into bed with him. Instead, he sits on the edge of it, reaching back to rub at Dirk's back again.

God, he sucks at this.]

Edited 2012-10-02 11:30 (UTC)

[Bro lets out a faint hum as he feels Murdoc's hand on his back. It feels good and yet it makes him feel closer than ever to breaking down. He watches expectantly as Murdoc removes his coat and shoes, waiting for him to climb into bed too. But then he only sits down and Bro has to fight an annoyed and needy whine from escaping, because that isn't what he wants.

But if that's all Murdoc is willing to give, then maybe he'll just have to accept it. But it doesn't feel as close as he'd like. It doesn't stop the emotional dam from cracking more and making him closer to crying. If Murdoc's looking, he can probably see it in his eyes. The hand on his back again doesn't do anything. Now it doesn't even feel as satisfying at it did. But he doesn't know how to ask. And he doesn't want Murdoc to see him crying either, even though he can feel it coming.

Finally he reaches a compromise and just scoots over closer to him, turning so that he can curl his body around Murdoc. He buries his face in Murdoc's thigh. He doesn't even care now that he's being stupid or clingy because now he's about to start crying and there's nothing he can goddamn do about it and he hates himself for it. His arm comes up to wrap around Murdoc's waist and he presses his face against Murdoc's thigh harder, but it does nothing to stop the tears when they finally come.

Fuck, he's getting Murdoc's pants wet and he feels so goddamn stupid. Fuck. Fuck everything.]

[Murdoc can't help but ignore the soft tingle that the hum sends down his spine.

He's watching him idly, as much as he can while still in a comfortable position. It's then that he begins to grow concerned, when he realises the hand on his back isn't doing anything. He feels stupid and inept and like he shouldn't be here all at once.

He watches more carefully as Dirk shifts, feeling a knot twist in his stomach. Right now, he wouldn't be surprised if Dirk wants to sit up and tell him to leave.

So, when Dirk actually curls around him, he tenses a little in surprise before he gently places a hand on Dirk's head, running his fingers through his hair and shooshing him in a quiet voice.

He puts a leg up on the bed, pulling himself onto the bed and closer to Dirk. He knows he should be comforting him right now, the silence is doing nobody any good. So he just talks and hopes like hell he says something worthwhile.]

S'alright, love. Everythin' will be fine.

[No. No everything wouldn't be fine. Or at least that's what it felt like for Bro. Because now that he's crying, he just can't stop. And it's not even just specifically for what recently happened. It's pent up feelings he's had for a long time, even before David came back briefly. Because he's been repressing them for months now, just to be strong for Dirk. It had become easier and easier to do that. To focus on making sure Dirk was okay. He hadn't really gotten over it himself. Just... repressed everything.

And it was all coming out now and he just felt absolutely miserable. Even Murdoc's presence was starting to not help anymore, now that he he'd finally broken down. Not that he wasn't grateful for it, because he was. But... he felt stupid. A part of him that was still even remotely rational was telling himself that he was stupid. That he was just embarrassing himself and that he shouldn't be clinging to Murdoc so tightly. Crying into his thigh. It was stupid and he was stupid and he should just stop.

It's with that in mind that he finally tears himself away from Murdoc. He rolls over and faces away from Murdoc, eyes locked on the opposite wall. He curls up on himself, shaking. Already he feels a sense of loss and loneliness now that he isn't clinging to Murdoc, but he's convinced himself it's for the best. Because Murdoc doesn't need to deal with this shit. He doesn't need to deal with Bro being a complete and total dumbass baby.

He manages to choke out a few words, his voice shaky and broken.]

S-Sorry... just...You can g-go.

[He felt absolutely stupid for calling Murdoc over in the first place. He hadn't intended to break down like this but it had happened and now he couldn't stop. It was better to just... be alone. That was Murdoc wouldn't see him like this. Not that he could ever recover his dignity. That was gone and he didn't think he would ever manage to get it back.]

[Now Murdoc is positive he's done something wrong here, he just wishes he knew exactly what it was. All he can really see is that what he's tried to do is just not enough. The fact that it wasn't actually gives him a sense of genuine concern. Of course, he was worried from the moment he walked in, anyone would be worried about a friend in this situation.

But just. The way Dirk is acting seems so off and so far beyond anything he's ever had to deal with. He can't just leave, obviously, he'd never forgive himself. Honestly, after everything he's put Dirk through, he deserves a little bit more of his time.

When he moves he feels a little empty and very fucking pathetic. He stares for a long moment, trying to formulate something heartfelt, something helpful and nothing comes.

Instead, he acts on gut instinct. He shifts, as if he's standing up and then he just sort of flops on top of Dirk. It's mostly because if he doesn't throw himself into cuddles, he'll weasle out of them, but he imagines it must feel comforting in some way. Right?

Regardless, he's going to snake his arms around him in a stubborn attempt to tell him he isn't going anywhere.]

Make me.

_{[It's a while later, several hours after Dirk's less than stellar conversation. His tantrum is over and now he's just back to feeling pathetically emotional. He wants his uncle. He wants him to hug him and say it'll be okay. But it takes him a long time to even do that. Because Bro made him angry. He made Bro angry too, probably. But in the end, he decides to go see him anyway.

He knows the route to Bro's quarters by hard from having slept there numerous times since the semester started anyway, but it's just by chance that he doesn't get caught for being out after curfew. He's not expecting anyone to be there but Bro, so he doesn't knock or anything.

He just opens the door, closes it, and heads to the foot of the bed and starts to climb on it. He's not even aware that Murdoc's there yet because he was so focused on just getting there.]}

[It's been quite a while. Bro's managed to calm down almost completely. Being with Murdoc has been a huge comfort, one he really didn't expect but one he's absolutely grateful for.

It's been long enough for him to have cried it out and to realize how tired he is. And god, he's tired. He's clinging to Murdoc, an arm and a leg thrown over him and he's pressed up against him as close as he can be.

By the time that Dirk makes his way into the room, he's dozing off, nearly completely asleep. It takes him a few seconds before he realizes there's something off, and it's when Dirk is already in the bed before he's roused up enough to realize anything. When he does realize that Dirk's climbed into bed, he lets out a small gasp, pushing off of Murdoc quickly and a little roughly in the panic.

He's honestly terrified now. He and Murdoc- whatever they were- were supposed to be a secret. And there he was caught cuddled up to him as if Murdoc was an over sized teddy bear. That had to look really fucking suspicious, and the thought was just... He didn't even know. He was starting to panick.]

Jesus- shit, dude- what're you doing?

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[Immediately he tenses up, going absolutely rigid. He wasn't expecting Murdoc to do that at all and a part of him is even more embarrassed by it. But he doesn't move. Instead, he finds himself shifting a little to help Murdoc get an arm around him, despite the fact that he feels so damn stupid about this.

But... Murdoc's words have the instant effect of making him feel better. They're simple, but. They make him feel like he isn't alone. That Murdoc actually does want to be there for him. That maybe it wasn't such a huge mistake asking Murdoc to come over in the first place. They make him realize that maybe Murdoc isn't judging him for this or thinks he's stupid. Overall they just... make him feel a lot better. At least, he feels less stupid. He still feels pretty miserable. It's a confusing mishmash of feelings.

Bro lets out a small sob, his hand finding Murdoc's as he shakily takes it in his. He just honestly needs all of the contact he can get, and holding Murdoc's hand seems like the best solution. The grip he has on it is strong, as if he's holding on with the fear that Murdoc might disappear. Because he realizes that he needs him there. The thought of being alone suddenly seems horrifying. He can't imagine sending Murdoc away now.

It's about a minute or so later that he finally manages out a shaky quiet response, his voice quivering and nearly choked.]

Thanks...

[The tension is concerning at first, almost offputting. Murdoc wonders if this was what he wanted at all, or if perhaps he'd just missunderstood the situation. He considers pulling away from the embrace, feeling like an idiot.

And then he shifts for his arm and any doubt he had begins to fade away. Instead, he circles the arm tighter around Dirk, stroking his back with his hand as he sobs.

He makes a soft sound of concern in response, letting his head lean forward until their foreheads are touching and he looks down into Dirk's eyes. His own face is lined with worry as he watches Dirk. He wants to say something comforting. Something uplifting. Nothing comes to mind. He can't verbalise anything with enough depth or warmth because it's never been his place to say those things.

He shooshes him gently as he hears his voice quiver. Not because he wants him to shut up, but because he wants him to understand that he doesn't need to be thanked right now. He hasn't begun to do anything to justify that.

Watching for a long moment, Murdoc's eyes start to drift down Dirk's face from his eyes to his lips. He honestly has no idea how to convey sympathy through words, but he thinks maybe his actions can speak for him. He moves his own face down, gently pecking the corner of his mouth before catching Dirk's lips with his and kissing him as tenderly as he can manage. He squeezes Dirk's hand in return, his other hand still rubbing circles over the other man's back.]

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