One Zombie; Voice

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Guys! Hey guys! Everybody listen up, cuz I got some news! And lots of it!

So first up I tried out for Quiddy and I made the team! You're lookin' at Hufflepuff's new Beater! That's right, the guns are ready to hit all them bludgers reall good. Y'all should all be afraid, cuz I've been told I got a mean hit!

And now second, and man this is a real doozy, but I was made a prefect! I was sure it must'a been a mistake, so I went an' asked Dumbledore, but guess what! It ain't a mistake! How cool is that? Now I can give y'all detention if you act up and shit- I mean crap. See! Ya ain't supposed to cuss.

So... well. I guess I get detention now. Detention, Ellis! Okay, sir...

[There's a long pause, almost as if he's finished speaking, and then he comes back onto the journals sounding as enthusiastic as ever.]

Oh! Oh, Nick! Ya wanna be my egg partner? I bet we'd make the best darn egg parents in the entire school! Did I ever tell ya 'bout this one time, Keith thought it'd be a good idea if we tried to raise a flour baby? Maaan, we was doin' so well and then-

[He cuts off and then you can hear him murmuring something in a slightly annoyed and disgusted voice.]

An owl just pooped on my shoulder...

Comments

[Voice.]

[arrogantalloy]

You might want to talk to your parents about Ritalin when we have our next term break.

Then again, never mind, it'll only help Ravenclaw's team.

[Voice.]

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Ritalin? What's that? And why would I ever wanna take it and help you guys win? That ain't a good thing at all!

[Voice.]

[arrogantalloy]

It's for kids with ADD, so they can concentrate.

And I'm saying don't take it so we win. And it is a good thing, for me it's a great thing.

[Voice.]

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Whoa there I dont have that kinda disease thing! I am totally and completely healthy as a horse. A race horse even! The fastest kinda race horse! I dont need no medicine and we'll win no matter what!

[Voice.]

[arrogantalloy]

It's not a disease, it's a... Well it's a mental problem. And by really by the train of thought that just derailed itself there. You're not really convincing me.

And I'm sure you'll make a good attempt to win. Maybe it'll work too.

[Voice.]

[thisonetime_withkeith]

There ain't nothing wrong with my brain, and it will definitely work. I'll be the best damn beater you ever saw, and I'll take my team to the championship! Maybe even the world cup one day!

[Voice.]

[arrogantalloy]

Wow, you dream big there, huh?

[Voice.]

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Yeah! But I know I'll make it cuz my ma says I can do anything if I put my mind to it. So just you wait, it's gonna happen!

[Voice.]

[arrogantalloy]

You're mom is a really optimistic person. But hey I'm sure I'll keep an eye out or something.

[Voice.]

[arrogantalloy]

Wow, you dream big there, huh?

[bundangos]

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
AHH!! ELLIS!! I knew you could do it!! Now I can't even wait to see you on the feild!!!!
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Whoa! Thats a lot of sparkles! But thank you! Im really lookin forward to it too!!!

[She uses a lot of exclamation points so he should too right?]

[bundangos]

Well I was congratulating you! So there had to be alot!!!!

You're very welcome!!

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Yay!!!!!

Can we stop doing that though? Its kinda weird doing all them things.

[bundangos]

That? What that??

[thisonetime_withkeith]

The !!! thing!

[bundangos]

Huh??? OH THAT!

I was just doing that because I was happy for you!

ha ha! You didint have to do it too!

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Well it felt weird not doing it too!

voice;

[streetsmarts]

No, Ellis. I don't want to be your egg partner. I don't want to be anyone's egg partner. This whole project? Second dumbest thing I ever heard of. You came first.


That owl probably got tired of listening to you.

voice;

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Haha Nick you're silly. I aint dumb and neither is this egg! Its great.

Nah I think it just has an upset stomach. Didnt you know owls can do that?

voice;

[streetsmarts]

You're right. You and the egg are on the same level of intelligence. But that might be giving you a bit too much credit.

Did I know owls could shit? Yes. But thank you for reminding me there's something more interesting than eggs and your stories about Keith.

voice;

[thisonetime_withkeith]

That aint true! I think I'm a bit smarter than the egg. I mean, eggs cant really think and talk and stuff, and I can do that. So yeah, you're wrong there.

Whoa there, owls are interesting and all but nothings better than Keith! Keith is awesome.

Oh! Did I ever tell you about the time me and Keith decided itd be a good idea to keep owls for pets? This was before I came to school mind you and before I knew how to really take care of one. But man, that sure was an experience. Lots of poop though! Probably cuz we didnt have owl food though and so we had to give it some people food.

I dont think owls like people food.

voice;

[streetsmarts]

Really? Because you're just listing off similarities between you and eggs, Ellis. I never knew you had so much in common.

No.


Nope.
No.

[He actually leaves and comes back later.]


Are you done?

voice;

[thisonetime_withkeith]

... I was done a while ago, man. Are ya tellin' me you didn't hear me? Did this thing mess up? Shit... Here, lemme tell ya again.

[And he launches back into the story from the beginning.]

voice;

[streetsmarts]

[Oh my god, he can probably HEAR Nick simmering with rage over the journals. He doesn't care, he really doesn't care.]

I'm going to stop you right there, Ellis. [He doesn't care if he's cutting right in the middle either!!!] It's rally important that you know that I don't give a tiny rat's ass about any of the crap you're talking.

voice;

[thisonetime_withkeith]

[What? Nope. Can't hear you over the sound of his own voice.]

And then--

Oh. Well okay, if you're sure... But man, we need t'get you some more rats asses so you can give 'em away! 'cuz my stories are awesome and you should care about 'em.

voice;

[streetsmarts]

Your stories are bullshit and if anyone wanted to waste the goddamn hour it takes to listen to them they'd be able to point out all the huge plotholes in them.

I will never give a crap. Ever.

voice;

[thisonetime_withkeith]

What'cha mean plotholes? All my stories are solid as a brick house!

voice;

[streetsmarts]

A brick house that'd topple on a breezy day.

voice;

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Naaaw. It'd take hurricane force winds to even think about makin' my house fall! Maybe you just ain't payin' attention hard enough!

voice;

[streetsmarts]

That would require listening to them in the first place. I don't even have to listen to know you're talking crap.

[preanimator]

Well, I guess this finally proves the whole prefect system is an utter farce. Congratulations.

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Whats farce mean? It kinda sounds like fart. Are ya calling me a fart? Did you spell it wrong?

[preanimator]

My god, the sheer volume the idiocy in your head must take up is truly amazing. Mind if I cut it open some time for science?

[thisonetime_withkeith]

[oh. oh now he's catching on to the fact that this guy is insulting him. wow that is really rude!]

Hey! I ain't an idiot. And no you can't cut open my head, that is bad! Real bad!

[preanimator]

'Real bad.' Yes, you're truly displaying your intellectual prowess right now. Then again, I suppose you're probably the cream of the crop for your House.

[thisonetime_withkeith]

What's that supposed to mean, exactly?

[preanimator]

It means you're probably the very best your House has to offer. It's a figure of speech, you see.

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Oh. Well, I think you might be right about that since they made me a prefect! I thought you was being mean. Looks like that was just a misunderstanding.

[preanimator]

There's definitely some misunderstanding going on here, yes.

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Well since thats the case Id be more than willing to accept an apology!

[preanimator]

I expect you would be.

May I suggest you do some reading on punctuation first, however?

[seeringlight]

Owls do tend to do that.
Congratulations on becoming prefect.

[She's so looking forward to that one.]

I'm sure you'll do well. :)

[thisonetime_withkeith]

I know! Ive been poo'd on a lot this year though. Its kinda weird. I guess they think Im a toilet or somethin!

Thanks ma'am, I appreciate it! I wont let you down.

[seeringlight]

I think it might help if you don't stand directly underneath them if possible.

I already know you won't. [She is so ready for this trainwreck.]

[thisonetime_withkeith]

Well thats the problem! It kinda just flew over my head and then I felt a splat.

You really think so?

[seeringlight]

Perhaps the owl is trying to better your senses. It hopes that one day you will dodge it's fecal matter or use magic to deflect it. It only means well.

Of course. :)

[thisonetime_withkeith]

You really think so? I never thought about it that! Are owls like part of our tests or something now? Oh man Im settin a bad example arent I? I should try harder!

[seeringlight]

Who knows! But it would be setting a bad example if you let the owls win. How would we follow you if you cannot even tame our feathered friends.