sortinghat_rp | WANTED: TEST SUBJECTS

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WANTED: TEST SUBJECTS

WANTED: TEST SUBJECTS

I need volunteers for tests involving physical stimuli -- primarily oral but tactile engagement is not to be discriminated against. Male and female applicants accepted. Disclosure of previous experience is required. Collected data will not be published.

Reply to apply. Genuine inquiries only.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sherlock, I don't think this'll ultimately prove anything. Whether or not someone likes kissing another person tends to depend a lot on how they feel about the other person. Like or love them? You'll probably enjoy it enough to overlook any awkwardness. Hate them? You'll sure as hell hate crushing your lips up against them. And if you just feel indifferent, it might be a little fun physically but that's really it.

So if you do get people to go along with this mad experiment, unless you already like them, you're probably either going to dislike or have no opinion about the kisses.

You propose there is a correlation between emotional investment and physical enjoyment. I don't think that's necessarily true or there wouldn't be such things as one night stands. I have no doubt that you are the type of person who invests both into the situation but maybe I'm not.

So, what, how many people do you plan on kissing to prove that point one way or another?

Five sounded tolerable.

Five?!

Just... what do you plan to do if you go through all that and you don't like kissing any of them?

I plan to chalk up what happened between you and I as unnatural for me and continue on as I had done before with nothing more invested in romance.

Yeah, still not too convinced that that solves that forever. Even if you don't like kissing any of those five hypothetical people, it doesn't mean there's nobody out there you'd enjoy snogging. After all, you've said that you think you're CAPABLE of enjoying that kind of thing since you liked what happened with the potion. If it was totally unnatural for you, you probably wouldn't have liked kissing even with the potion's influence, right?

Well, there's really only two means of testing that and the easiest way is also not an option. That just leaves me waiting around for someone to have affection for me--which very well could take years--to see if I can engage with them on a level that is mutually enjoyed or turns out to be a chore to be endured. I am not a patient man.

For someone so dedicated to science, you sure can be dismissive about ways to prove your hypotheses. What's the easiest option?

Kissing you now.

Oh.

That... that would settle things pretty fast, wouldn't it.

Yes. But, of course, there are many reasons why we won't, it being for "scientific purposes" certainly among them.

Yeah. Loads of reasons.

[There's a long pause pause before the next part appears, with a few little spots before it. Probably from awkwardly tapping his quill against the paper in thought.]

Hypothetically... completely and utterly hypothetically, mind you... if I did agree that experiment (once again: totally hypothetically), would you still need to round up five people to snog for science? It just seems kind of excessive to drag in a bunch of people if one person could solve the situation.

... hypothetically. Felt like I ought to throw one more of those on the pile.

We didn't just spend a week apart to clear our heads just to kiss again. It's entirely counter productive. I won't kiss you and therefore any hypothetical situation stemming from such an action is a waste of time.

There is "us" and there is "me" and this is not an "us" topic. Perhaps we need more time apart if the idea of me kissing other people affects you enough to hypothetically volunteer to take the place of people you will never need to know about.

Okay, calm down. You know I tend to drift into the "for the greater good" mindset a lot of the time, and if it was something that could be solved with one person instead of dragging in a bunch of others... well. Anyway, it obviously doesn't matter. Forget it.

Has your head cleared up any over the last week?

I still associate you with certain things I didn't before if that's what you mean.

I think I get what you're saying. No amount of attempted head-clearing will change the fact that you're the first bloke I've kissed, for example.

You are a lot of firsts for me. Not that I regret it. Well, I shouldn't say that. I do regret it in some ways but not in that respect.

First friend? First Muggleborn to come over to your house and completely scandalize your terrible dead relatives? All that good stuff, I'm sure.

What do you mean, though, that regret-but-not thing?

Hard to explain, perhaps. I regret that the first person to love me really didn't. That the times I felt happy were all lies. Things along that line.

It's not all lies, Sherlock. You've been happy and have had a good time with people before those snake eggs were even a twinkle in the eyes of a bunch of bigger snakes, and that's all been real. And let me tell you, as someone who's been in love before, the potion mimics the feeling closely, but it's not quite the same. The potion magnifies the feelings a lot.

So maybe you can use that for future reference? If you ever meet someone who makes you feel like the potion did but not quite with such an all-consuming passion, it's a good sign.

I meant specifically during that week. But yes, I believe I have a good idea of what love will be like should it ever again be reciprocated.

We're far off target. Do you want to go back to arguing?

Depends on your definition on argument. If "continued concerned questions in an attempt to get you to see reason" falls under that umbrella, then yes.

So you've said that if you kiss all these random people in your sample size and don't like it, you'll write off romance. Never mind that 'romance' and 'science kisses' are totally separate things, but what if you do happen to like any of it?

Then I have the same capacity as everyone else to enjoy physical engagements. I won't necessarily pursue any but at least I'll know it's something to consider.

Well. That's... somewhat reasonable, if you squint at it. But if you suddenly go head-over-heels for a random test subject, I'm dragging you off to have you tested for the potion.

The odds of me talking you out of this altogether are irritatingly slim, aren't they?

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oh he's got no idea what he might be stepping into with this

<3

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