[ journal / 01 ]

[flirtini]

so
dear magical diary: got fuckin WASTED yesterday, shit was cash
until today i mean
bc damn hangovers are a hell of a NOT FUN
note 2 self: lay off the sauce for a while

so besides this partying i am all doing in my moms basement alone with my 100000000000000000 cats
smth interesting happened
got kicked out of beauxbatons
got set up with hoggy
got sent a MAGICAL oh so magical oh so sparkling oh so like a paintchat diary
but like
how does this shit even WORK....
magic is how

anyways the interesting thing that happened
lets talk about that
or write
its like
this owl comes screaming down
sliding thru the air like a hot knife through butter
like a bat out of hell
like steam from boiling water
and just.
slams into the window.
and drops this book down into the garden

im fucking surprised it didnt just break right through i mean it was a BIG OWL
but like
the point is
i got owls screeching n flying into windows
i got cats meowing and running into the patio door
where the fuck are the toads
just hopping and ribbiting and trying to eat flies that are on the other side of the glass
a pathetic site of nature and a mockery of actually getting the dins

anyways i hear my mom so im gonna stop writing
ha ha who is gonna buy that BALONEY bologne balonga?
how the fuck do you spell that shit
this is my abrupt cut off xoxoxoox goodbye

Comments

[flirtini]

so the book knows about the internet now
weird ass muggle tech all up in this dictionarys definitions
dear diary what the heck kind of shit are you feeding these young impressionable magical youth
dont lead them into the dark internet
not that any tech works in these fuckin schools anyways but like
thats hella misleading like people ALL OVER THE WORLD can see ur shit
that sounds cool as fu- wait no
the internet is a dangerous place
u better watch urself there
tyvm u may thank me proper later

filtering like man is that a fishtank term what does that even MEAN
dangggg i am just so confused to the max about this writes back diary
wheres the instruction booklet

[marshall_lee]

Uhh..the responses you're getting aren't from the diary itself..they're from other students.

I'm Marshall Lee. I'll be a sixth year next term in Slytherin house.

[flirtini]

so how did they sort you
mr marshall lee
i cant really imagine it just sitting a book down on the lil stool
flopping the big ol leathery thing down
u just completely hidden underneath
waitin for it to read its pages
and then
AND THEN
fuckin slytherin it cries and the crowd goes wild
just tips a hotdog stand and drowns in confetti
the first and only paperback hardcover wall to wall PAPER N CARDBOARD student in the house

i bet it was nice living a life as a free book cuz ur mine now boy

He switches to voice post

[marshall_lee]

[On the other side of his journal Marshall is laughing hysterically.]
I like you already.
No, I'm a student at Hogwarts just like yourself. All of the students journals are enchanted to be connected to each other so we can write back and forth to one another.
..I can actually Spellotape a picture of myself here if you want to know what I really look like. I promise I'm not a book wrapped in a Slytherin tie.