[ journal / 01 ]

[flirtini]

so
dear magical diary: got fuckin WASTED yesterday, shit was cash
until today i mean
bc damn hangovers are a hell of a NOT FUN
note 2 self: lay off the sauce for a while

so besides this partying i am all doing in my moms basement alone with my 100000000000000000 cats
smth interesting happened
got kicked out of beauxbatons
got set up with hoggy
got sent a MAGICAL oh so magical oh so sparkling oh so like a paintchat diary
but like
how does this shit even WORK....
magic is how

anyways the interesting thing that happened
lets talk about that
or write
its like
this owl comes screaming down
sliding thru the air like a hot knife through butter
like a bat out of hell
like steam from boiling water
and just.
slams into the window.
and drops this book down into the garden

im fucking surprised it didnt just break right through i mean it was a BIG OWL
but like
the point is
i got owls screeching n flying into windows
i got cats meowing and running into the patio door
where the fuck are the toads
just hopping and ribbiting and trying to eat flies that are on the other side of the glass
a pathetic site of nature and a mockery of actually getting the dins

anyways i hear my mom so im gonna stop writing
ha ha who is gonna buy that BALONEY bologne balonga?
how the fuck do you spell that shit
this is my abrupt cut off xoxoxoox goodbye

Comments

[toocoolforthis]

The magical diary endeavors to inform you that it is really damn bad at keeping secrets, but thanks you nevertheless for sharing your incredible story with the class.
It thinks that 100000000000000000 cats is entirely too fucking many cats, but admires your ability to keep them.
It also returns the xoxoxoox, despite the mistake.
And finally, it says "Welcome to Hogwarts, you crazy diamond."
I can already tell next year is going to be something else.

[flirtini]

oh mister diary sir
u have NO clue how much shit i plan on wrecking
how many trophies i plan on acquiring while in the general area
my cabinet is VAST and WIDE and i plan on filling that shit up to the brim
so get packing cause im not leaving a single one behind for anybody else
useless cups and also paperweights: a special episode of hoarders
ill show all of hogwarts the FRANCAY way of gettin things done

PS: never enough kitties
PPS: ikr that story is fucking gold
PPPS: omgomg a diamond u are a flattering hunk of a diary

[toocoolforthis]

Well, now I know.
I suppose one would say you're going to acquire all of the trophies.
For your vast tracks of cabinets.
But if your plan for getting all these trophies involves getting wasted, the only one you're going to get is the "party hard" award.

So, you have a name? Or am I going to have to call you pink ink diamond all year long?

[stubbornskeptic]

Drinking is a bad idea for a lot of reasons, actually.
And this isn't a private diary entry, I'm afraid!
My name's Jane.
And I'm sure you'll love Hogwarts!

[flirtini]

zzzzzz
wat is this
oh is it maybe
perhaps
my diary talking to me????
are there multiple ppl in this journal bc this one
this one right here
seems kinda boring if u get me
kinda.......... the death of the party if u get me
but lol there needs to be balance in this world of the grandiose party
i am the life and this book is the death
the party will live on tho because this cycle of life and death is in like...
rotation
like reincarnation but with confetti and vodka

DAMN that is some philisophical shit

anyways hey diary
dear diary,
today i met a tightass inside of a book
g2g have a good one
- ro to the lal

[stubbornskeptic]

I am not a book!
Nor am I a tightass!
And I only said that based on experience anyway!
Tightasses don't generally boogie their way into experience to begin with!

Private

[papatiger]

I'm going to let your language slide just this time, young lady, but don't let me catch you repeating this shocking behaviour at Hogwarts ever again.

Private

[flirtini]

its just some curse words
and not the magical kind either just plain ol muggle bull.......crap
see look at that sir
sir are you looking
b/c i am doing HECKA GYMNASTICS for ur prudish self
the art of contortionistismsliness passed down in my family 4 generations
watch as i fit into this tiny box and then also push myself under the bed
totally CONSIDERATE and ACCOMMODATING
thats me
totally understanding and otherwise getting your harsh written word

saint sacrément bâton dans la boue
ce que vous êtes mais un enseignant
rigoriste

[ holy damn stick in the mud
what are you, a teacher
stickler ]

Private

[papatiger]

Curse words that any young impressionable student may pick up, given that you made a public post in your journal for everyone to read.

[strideallknight]

baloney
you got it right the first time
the oscar meyer commercials lied to you all this time
i feel bad for the owl though
not only did it slam into a glass window like a dumbass but it had the misfortune of landing in the middle of a horde of cats
talk about bad luck
btw did you get sorted into your house yet or are they doing that when you actually start school in september

[flirtini]

shit crap
they really did its just the worst revelation to be having
thought i spelled that wrong but i was actually right all along
a falsie bad feeling
magical owls are tougher than reg owls like
if it had been a reg owl i wouldve been hecka worried just
poor poor little owl baby
but no hes fine our cats are indoor cats ty god idk what id do if they ran free in the wilderness like that
little purring babies :3

ravenclaw here
it was a hullabaloo of a wild time
with all sortsa talking hats and private rooms
and also probing my innermost thoughts??
i didnt like that part
beauxbatons never did that
but i guess its better than getting expelled

[strideallknight]

yeah im glad my brothers werent hardcore cat people
i dont think my owl wouldve survived 5 minutes
staring at it going yum owl for lunch today
screw robins and crows and whatever
its like having a turkey dinner without expecting to get a turkey

its a one time thing at least
all the first years gotta go through it
i was hoping youd be gryffindor but you cant have everything
also yeah id take on a hungarian horntail if it meant avoiding expulsion
might as well get intros outta the way though
im dave

[thisonetime_withellis]

ho shit this is pink.
I like it.
I mean not for me i aint that kind of guy if you know what I'm saying............
You know what i'm saying.
Reminds me of this one time I turned my bros eyebrows pink and he wouldn't even go near the windows for a week.
Sounds like you got somethin in the water there with all the animals going fucking batshit.
Like really what are you feeding them??
I can see one animal taking a running jump into a glass door but you gotta start loking looking at outside stuff when its all of them.
Wow fuck my spelling haha whats wrong with this quill.

[flirtini]

pink is the ONLY COLOR for a gal like me
pretty in pink fabulousness on 2 legs
just strutting my favorite gel pen stuff
but a fella whose comfy in pink sounds my style ;)
just that raw CONFIDENCE n INHERENT MANLINESS
u feel me
colors arent like boy colors and girl colors they are just colors
so dont worry

cats are fed rly well just a little inbred
its what happens when you have a zillion and no clinic anywhere near to fix em
like id just walk but we live in the middle of NOWHERE
so id be walking for years

[thisonetime_withellis]

Aw hell I aint got anythin against pink!!!
suits a lady like you sure enough :)))
But damn, shame for the cats.
A vet should apparate out to you or sth!

[marshall_lee]

I like to think of the journals as being similar to internet message boards. The difference is that everyone can see what you write unless you filter it.

[flirtini]

so the book knows about the internet now
weird ass muggle tech all up in this dictionarys definitions
dear diary what the heck kind of shit are you feeding these young impressionable magical youth
dont lead them into the dark internet
not that any tech works in these fuckin schools anyways but like
thats hella misleading like people ALL OVER THE WORLD can see ur shit
that sounds cool as fu- wait no
the internet is a dangerous place
u better watch urself there
tyvm u may thank me proper later

filtering like man is that a fishtank term what does that even MEAN
dangggg i am just so confused to the max about this writes back diary
wheres the instruction booklet

[marshall_lee]

Uhh..the responses you're getting aren't from the diary itself..they're from other students.

I'm Marshall Lee. I'll be a sixth year next term in Slytherin house.

text;

[gnee]

aren't you a bit young to be wasted?

[Yes, that is his only question.]

Re: text;

[flirtini]

im french

[ And this is her only response. ]

text;

[gnee]

oh.
then that makes total sense.
what's france like? :)

1/??

[shitknickers]

!!!!!!!!!!

[shitknickers]

!!!!!!

[seeringlight]

I feel as though the English language is weeping bitterly right now.
Is this how you usually hold yourself through such communications or am I to expect a pleasant surprise?
I'm thinking it's probably the former so need to actually answer that.

I suppose next year will be more interesting than not.
Really though. You went and got yourself kicked out of such a prestigious school. I'm utterly surprised anyone would attempt much less be successful in such an endeavor.

[flirtini]

"fuckin noooo" cried the english language after being viciously beat on by my pink gel pen
like just this TOTAL wrecked mess reduced 2 tears at long last by the stroke of that final 2 instead of too or to
i can write fancy but i just give 0 shits
like u shouldve seen this one formal apology i wrote it was ur style 100% completely
beauxbatons was meh its pretigious but w/e a school isnt all about reputation u know?
its about ♥ & SOUL
love & PEACE
whether or not a gal can get away with some things now & THEN
w/o getting booted to another school to be some other persons problem
oopsie fukin daisy no regret good riddance