Two Sick Beats

[clockspinner]

_{[It's....technically Sunday. And yes, the timestamp is in fact completely accurate. 0457 GMT.]}

WHERE IS HE?
BRO I FUCKING KNOW YOURE SOMEWHERE IN THIS FUCKING CASTLE
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOURE DOING HERE
OR HOW THE FUCK YOU GOT IN OUR ROOM
BUT I KNOW YOURE HERE SOMEWHERE AND I WILL FIND YOU

<sub>[Karkat and John (as well as most of Gryffindor Tower) just got the rudest awakening of the year. Namely, Dave screaming like the star in an exorcism movie and flailing out from under a massive, multicoloured pile of his brother's signature smuppets. Y u p.

Happy Parent's Day, everyone!]</sub>

Comments

[fuckmackandme]

oh!
hi.

[stridingironically]

surprised they let me in huh.
what the fucks that about.
here i was happy as fuck to see you.
and this is the warm welcome i get.
thought you were nicer than that.
i mean what if i dont give dave my blessing in a few years.
because wow man that hurt deep.

[fuckmackandme]

what blessing?

[stridingironically]

you know.
the one that eventually leads to an aisle.
and then a fuck ton more if you go grocery shopping together.
but some people go solo for that.
they just need their space yknow.

[fuckmackandme]

what?
but dave and i aren't getting married!

[stridingironically]

yeah i know.
because i didnt give you my blessing dipshit.
talking about me behind my back.
slandering my good name.
why would i want you in the family.
if you fucking elope i will hunt you down personally.
you know what happens to egberts when they fall from high places.






the same thing that happens to everything else.

[fuckmackandme]

did...
did you just threaten to kill me?
even though i have not, and never will have intention of eloping with dave?

[stridingironically]

its only a valid threat if you elope.
otherwise they wont do jack shit.

[fuckmackandme]

they?
who's they?
who else is involved in this assassination attempt that will never happen?

[stridingironically]

john look down at yourself. now back to me (which is the journal dipshit).
now back down.
now look up.
where are you.
youre in your dorm with the man of your nightmares.
whats in youre hand.
its a smuppet.
now back to me.
NOW BACK TO THE SMUPPET.
it is now blue and brought friends.

they are glaring at you ferociously.
you messed with their daddy.
be afraid.

[Which is to say, John is now covered in smuppets.]

[fuckmackandme]

[sorry but there's nothing but a bunch of dis organized lines and ink blotches as John struggles to get the smuppets off him.]

[stridingironically]

[No problem. He can wait.]

[fuckmackandme]

ew ew ew ew ew ew!

[stridingironically]

you insult them.
now theyre crying.

[The following shit is private.]

by the fucking way.
if for any god damn reason you stop being daves friend.
any.
god damn.
reason.
they will find you.

and this is between you and me.
we clear?

Private

[fuckmackandme]

yes!
i don't even know why you'd say that, he's my best bro!

Private

[stridingironically]

i dont think you understand exactly what i mean.
what i said goes for any fucking time.
now.
tomorrow.
next week.
next year.
when your both old shits.
i dont care what comes out of his fucking mouth.
turn your fucking back on him and its on.

and again.
are we clear.

Private

[fuckmackandme]

yes!
you're crystal clear!

Private

[stridingironically]

good.
these messages will now self destruct.

[And right after John reads that, the page containing just the filtered text bursts into flames.]

[fuckmackandme]

[and that's when John freaks out and throws the journal away from him.]

[stridingironically]

[The journal stops burning just as soon as that page is completely destroyed, leaving every other page miraculously unharmed.]