Two Sick Beats

[clockspinner]

_{[It's....technically Sunday. And yes, the timestamp is in fact completely accurate. 0457 GMT.]}

WHERE IS HE?
BRO I FUCKING KNOW YOURE SOMEWHERE IN THIS FUCKING CASTLE
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOURE DOING HERE
OR HOW THE FUCK YOU GOT IN OUR ROOM
BUT I KNOW YOURE HERE SOMEWHERE AND I WILL FIND YOU

<sub>[Karkat and John (as well as most of Gryffindor Tower) just got the rudest awakening of the year. Namely, Dave screaming like the star in an exorcism movie and flailing out from under a massive, multicoloured pile of his brother's signature smuppets. Y u p.

Happy Parent's Day, everyone!]</sub>

Comments

[thornsofoglogoth]

So it seems I have finally been afforded the chance to meet The Man.

I think I shall look forward to it.

[stridingironically]

oh hey.
i take it you got my present.
picked em all out special.

[nosigntospeakof]

YOU'RE AWAKE EARLY, MR. STRIDER.

[clockspinner]

oh shitting christ
this is not a thing to look forward to rose

i mean yeah shit if you really want to
youll probably like him

[stridingironically]

well hot damn.
didnt know i was The Man around here but shit ill take that title and wear it motherfuckin proudly.

[Spelled private]

[clockspinner]

you are dead to me
i have no brother

[clockspinner]

i woke up with a foam phallus down my throat of course im awake

nope no privacy

[stridingironically]

dave. DAVE.
thats no fucking way to talk to your own flesh and blood.
i demand an apology or so help me ill spank you.
i will spank you right there in front of everyone at breakfast.
with a fucking paddle.

[nosigntospeakof]

AH.
EITHER YOUR BROTHER HAS ARRIVED EARLY FOR PARENTS' DAY OR THERE ARE THINGS GOING ON IN GRYFFINDOR TOWER THAT KARKAT ISN'T TELLING ME.

[clockspinner]

oh my god bro could you be more embarrassing right now
protip the answer is fucking no asshole
what are you even doing here i thought youd have better things to do than show up for a school function
dont you have old ladies to traumatize or something

[clockspinner]

its the former
i didnt even think hed show up
just
do not engage professor i repeat
do
not
engage

[nosigntospeakof]

COME NOW, HE CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD.
AND I STILL NEED TO GIVE HIM YOUR PROGRESS REPORT.

[stridingironically]

you really wanna ask me that.
you really wanna go there.
i brought baby pics for the occasion dave.
i came prepared.
and that would be a negative ghostrider.
last one had a heart attack this morning.
keeled over right the fuck there.
called an ambulance and told them we got a DRT.

[clockspinner]

let me guess
youre gonna blow up my little magically moving ass to poster sized and slap them around the school
somehow i think smuppets in the dorm room is still worse
get these things out of here btw or they are all fucking going out the window
and to the business end of an incendio

well damn youve been busy havent you

[thornsofoglogoth]

Speak of the devil!
I've heard so very much about you from Dave, in my estimation you suit the epithet impeccably.

[clockspinner]

can i just reiterate the circumstances under which i woke up this morning
literally under which
i woke up covered in multicolored plush ass
he is all that bad

[thornsofoglogoth]

Will I?
I'll put on my best shades and preen a little in anticipation.

[stridingironically]

i have one.
of you.
as a baby.
hugging a smuppet.
you went there. you fucking went there.
you went and got cocky.
and you insulted my fucking business.
that is grounds for immediate embarrassment and a good damn wack with a cane boy.

also yes.
its was my mission to eradicate the area of old women.
mission success.
fucking nags.

[nosigntospeakof]

THE FACT STILL REMAINS I NEED TO SPEAK WITH HIM TODAY.
I'LL DO MY BEST TO AVOID ANY LEVITATING PUPPETS THOUGH.

[clockspinner]

ill have to check the statutes again but im pretty sure thats child abuse
indecent exposure in front of a minor
oh my god bro are you really gonna strife me in front of the school
i have been
through all the shit
i do not need you and cal wiping the cornerstones with me
and especially not at fucking butts o clock in the goddamn morning
why are you even awake you dont usually get up before the crack of noon

[stridingironically]

speak of the devil and the devil will come forth.
im gonna go out on a limb and say youre lalonde arent you.
ive heard even more about you young lady.
probably more than i ever wanted to.
no offense.
but he just goes on and on about you its like fucking jesus shut up.
i think he likes you.
or maybe im confusing you with john.
i dunno.

[clockspinner]

...
we who are about to die salute you sir

[clockspinner]

BRO OH MY GOD SHUT UP

[stridingironically]

its got a diaper on thank you very fucking much.
i covered my ass dave. im not stupid.

and yes. yes i am.
and wow way to have confidence in yourself bucko.
i bet that gets you all the ladies.
and i woke up early just for you sunshine.

[stridingironically]

is there a problem.
i mean i know i had kind of a senile moment there but other than that i mean whats up.