Two Sick Beats

[clockspinner]

_{[It's....technically Sunday. And yes, the timestamp is in fact completely accurate. 0457 GMT.]}

WHERE IS HE?
BRO I FUCKING KNOW YOURE SOMEWHERE IN THIS FUCKING CASTLE
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOURE DOING HERE
OR HOW THE FUCK YOU GOT IN OUR ROOM
BUT I KNOW YOURE HERE SOMEWHERE AND I WILL FIND YOU

<sub>[Karkat and John (as well as most of Gryffindor Tower) just got the rudest awakening of the year. Namely, Dave screaming like the star in an exorcism movie and flailing out from under a massive, multicoloured pile of his brother's signature smuppets. Y u p.

Happy Parent's Day, everyone!]</sub>

Comments

[nosigntospeakof]

YOU'RE AWAKE EARLY, MR. STRIDER.

[clockspinner]

i woke up with a foam phallus down my throat of course im awake

[nosigntospeakof]

AH.
EITHER YOUR BROTHER HAS ARRIVED EARLY FOR PARENTS' DAY OR THERE ARE THINGS GOING ON IN GRYFFINDOR TOWER THAT KARKAT ISN'T TELLING ME.

[clockspinner]

its the former
i didnt even think hed show up
just
do not engage professor i repeat
do
not
engage

[nosigntospeakof]

COME NOW, HE CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD.
AND I STILL NEED TO GIVE HIM YOUR PROGRESS REPORT.

[clockspinner]

can i just reiterate the circumstances under which i woke up this morning
literally under which
i woke up covered in multicolored plush ass
he is all that bad

[nosigntospeakof]

THE FACT STILL REMAINS I NEED TO SPEAK WITH HIM TODAY.
I'LL DO MY BEST TO AVOID ANY LEVITATING PUPPETS THOUGH.

[clockspinner]

...
we who are about to die salute you sir

[nosigntospeakof]

FUNNY, MR. STRIDER.
VERY FUNNY.

[stridingironically]

you rang.
also whats this i hear about progress reports...
dave still managing a solid all acceptable streak or what.
he gets a troll and i may have to question your credentials.

[nosigntospeakof]

I'LL BE GIVING PROGRESS REPORTS ABOUT ALL MY STUDENTS TO THEIR PARENTS OR GUARDIANS.
I FEEL IT'S IMPORTANT THEY KNOW HOW THEIR CHILDREN ARE DOING.

DAVE IS DOING QUITE SATISFACTORY.
MY ONLY COMPLAINT IS HIS OCCASIONAL NODDING OFF IN CLASS AND THE RAP BATTLES.

SPELLED PRIVATE

[clockspinner]

i thought you were supposed to be on my side sir
oh my god im so dead

[nosigntospeakof]

I'M A TEACHER.
I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE SIDES.

[clockspinner]

thanks a lot professor vantas
in the immortal words of your nephew

well you can see where im going with this

[nosigntospeakof]

YES I DO.
AND THAT YOU FOR NOT COMPLETING THAT SENTENCE.
OTHERWISE I'D HAVE TO GIVE YOU DETENTION AND I'D RATHER NOT DO THAT.

[stridingironically]

yes yes good teacher best nerd.

oh is he that is quite astonishing my good sir.
i must say i am just tickled pink by hearing this.

except what the fuck did you say about rap battles.

[nosigntospeakof]

A FEW DAYS AGO HE GOT INTO A "RAP BATTLE" WITH A FELLOW STUDENT.
IT WAS ALL WELL AND GOOD BECAUSE IT WAS ON THEIR OWN TIME BUT IT GOT A LITTLE TOO PERSONAL AND HE DEEPLY UPSET THE OTHER BOY.
IT GOT A BIT MESSY WITH SOME OTHER STUDENTS FROM THERE ON OUT.

[stridingironically]

well shit.
stop the presses.
somebody got their feelings hurt in a rap battle.
end of the fucking world right there.
kid shouldnt be rapping if he cant handle it.
how messy we talking.
like two lesbians taking a mudbath together or like a tot eating a cake.

[nosigntospeakof]

PUNCHES WERE THROWN AND ONE STUDENT RECEIVED A BLOODY NOSE.
ALTHOUGH THAT PART DIDN'T INVOLVE DAVE DIRECTLY..

[stridingironically]

so how many teeth did dave knock out.
come of dont let me down prof.
gimme some good news.

[nosigntospeakof]

NONE THAT I KNOW OF.

[stridingironically]

oh fucking jesus.
you would think i never taught him anything.
let me rephrase the fucking question then.
how many of daves teeth were knocked out.

[nosigntospeakof]

HE WAS PUNCHED A FEW TIMES BY ANOTHER STUDENT BUT THAT'S IT.

[stridingironically]

what the shit.

[nosigntospeakof]

DAVE IS FINE. THE WORST HE HAS ARE A FEW BRUISES AND THE STUDENT IN QUESTION WAS GIVEN DETENTION.