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[06]

sO, uH,
eASTER BREAK WASN'T A TOTAL,
hORRIBLE AND HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE,
bECAUSE, sOMETHING GOOD DEFINITELY CAME FROM IT,
aLSO SOMETHING THAT TOOK A LOT OF PROCESSING,
bECAUSE, uH, iT WAS A HUGE SURPRISE,
aND ONE THAT, i WASN'T EXPECTING AT ALL,
bUUUT, iT TURNS OUT i AM, nOT QUITE SO MUCH OF AN ONLY CHILD,
aS WAS PREVIOUSLY, tHOUGHT,
wHICH IS TO SAY, i HAVE A BROTHER,
iSN'T THAT REALLY EXCITING,
i WAS REALLY SURPRISED AT FIRST,
bUT NOW, i THINK IT'S REALLY COOL,
aND, tHE BEST PART IS HE WORKS HERE,
aS THE FLYING TEACHER,
uHHH, tHE ONE NOT, rELATED TO A CERTAIN SUPPOSEDLY COOL GUY,
wHO WEARS SHADES,
aND LIKES TO, uH, mAKE FUN OF FAIRIES,
yEEEAH, hE'S THE OTHER, aCTUAL COOL ONE,

[Filtered to Kanaya; hackable by Equius]

hEYYY, uH,
i HAVE A REQUEST,
aND, iT MIGHT SOUNDS KIND OF, rANDOM AND STRANGE,
bUT i PROMISE THAT IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE,
a REALLY, gOOD CAUSE,
i NEED YOU TO MAKE ME A DRESS,
uHH, wELL,
iT'S NOT FOR ME, eXACTLY,
bUT ANYWAY, dO YOU THINK THAT, mAYBE YOU COULD DO THIS FOR ME,
i WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT,
tHE ONLY THING IS THAT, iT HAS TO BE PRETTY,
uHHH, pRETTY ENOUGH FOR A PRINCESS,
iF THAT IS A THING YOU CAN DO,
wHICH, i THINK YOU CAN, bECAUSE YOU'RE GOOD AT BEING PRETTY,
oHHH, aND MAYBE YOU COULD MAKE ME, a PAIR OF WINGS,
tO ATTACH TO MY PETER PAN COSTUME,
sO i CAN BE A FAIRY, }:)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He hadn't been expecting Tavros to pretty much fall on him. Karkat had to brace himself since he was only kneeling on one knee, letting his arms automatically draw up and wrap around the other boy. He wasn't the best for comforting. It just wasn't something he did. But he kind of got the idea of what was going through the Hufflepuff's mind, and he raised one hand to gently pet the back of his head.]

If liking guys makes you weird, then I guess I'm not normal either.

[As Karkat patted him, he just buried his face further against him. It felt good, it felt comforting, even if Karkat didn't think he was any good at doing it. To Tavros, he was. Or maybe Tavros was just that upset, that the littlest thing would feel comforting. Either way, it helped.

At his words though, Tavros squeezed even tighter for a moment, because they scared him. They made everything feel more real and he wasn't sure if he could handle that. But then the meaning behind them really started getting to him. They... they could get through this, together. Together. That was... new, and... really scary. But. Comforting.

But he realized he didn't even know if... Karkat meant that, because maybe he was jumping to conclusions. Oh he felt stupid for even considering that... Them together, no... No, there was... there was no way at all, that Karkat would even. Ever. No.

Slowly, his grip loosened on Karkat and he pulled away, sniffing. He wiped his nose a little on his sleeve, and finally looked Karkat in the face.]

...D-Does that mean, you... like m- I-I mean, that you liked...that you... [He was struggling for words again and very quickly becoming a blubbering mess once more.]

[He let his arms slide away when Tavros pulled away, placing one of his hands on an arm rest, pursing his lips together. He did. He'd liked it. It was hard to admit that, but it was true. Just like how he'd liked kissing Gamzee. He'd never even kissed Jade or Feferi so he couldn't say what it was like compared to kissing a girl, but...something made his stomach churn, but in a good way.

He glanced away, a small flush curling across his cheeks.]

Yeah...yeah. I did.

[Tavros turned red again- or maybe he'd never stopped? There was no telling. It made him feel a little relieved. A little. And he stopped shaking. That was a good sign. But at the same time, it didn't... answer the question he'd really wanted to ask which was, did Karkat like... him?

And oh god, he couldn't actually ask that, no, no, no. Ugh, this was all still too... everything, and... he was just. Feeling so many things. So many that it was hard for him to even know what his biggest feeling was. The only thing that he'd gathered from all of this though, was the fact... he and Karkat were both... something. He still didn't want to think of himself as... gay. Because. Just because. It was scary.

But he really hadn't gotten whether or not Karkat liked him Or just guys. Or, both. Tavros was so confused. But that was something he'd never stopped feeling in the first place. But it did make it worse. But did he even want Karkat to... to like him? He didn't know. He just knew he wanted to be with Karkat... and, deal with this together. Which didn't necessarily mean... together, as a thing, even though... yeah, it kind of did. Oh god he had no idea how this was even supposed to work. All he knew was he liked Karkat a lot and he needed him. That was all he knew and he wanted to know what Karkat thought.

He was just... scared to ask. It felt like he was just scared of everything. Which, when it came to the current situation, he pretty much was.

Tavros chewed at his bottom lip nervously, reaching up to wipe at his eyes where tears still clung to them. He didn't know what to say, or do, or anything. Finally, he took a deep breath. He had to know. He had to, for the sake of getting rid of some of the confusion. As scary as it was, he'd already asked and said scarier things. And he didn't have a whole lot to lose. Except... maybe a friend, because he was being so stupid. But... he could only hope that Karkat wouldn't be mad or anything, if he asked.]

...D-Does that m-mean...you... [He hesitated, because now that he was speaking, suddenly it seemed like the hardest thing in the world to say. Everything said previously seemed so easy, and he wanted to just go back and relive those, because of how easy they seemed.] l-like... m-me...? O-Or, um, are y-you still...c-confused.

[Karkat waited for Tavros to speak as he stood again, shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. He really didn't know if it was just Tavros and Gamzee that he liked or if he liked any other guys in general. He'd always resented the fact that a little part of him was attracted to his best friend, which had been part of the reason why he tried so hard to identify as straight, had tried to convince himself he had a crush on Jade and then Feferi.

It had almost worked.

Now he was back to square one, confused and frustrated at himself for being so. His frustration only made him angrier in the end, and he knew that, depending on what Tavros said, he could probably be hitting the wall behind his bed until his fists bled again.

He'd taken a chance behind that kiss, had admitted something he didn't want to admit to himself. He was scared, because he'd put so much of himself on the line. A part of himself that he denied existed.

When Tavros spoke, Karkat blinked, staring a little before he bowed his head again, afraid of looking the other boy in the eyes.]

I'm still confused, but...yeah. I do. Like you, I mean.

[Waiting for Karkat to speak was terrifying. His stomach twisted and churned and for a little bit he regretted asking. Especially when Karkat's expression looked so... everywhere. Just as confused as he did, and maybe even a little angry. Tavros shrunk down in his seat a little. He didn't mean to make Karkat mad, or... make him feel more confused.

When he spoke, though, slowly his stomach untwisted. Karkat... liked him. And... and... And he didn't know what. But it made him feel a lot better. But also, in a way, it just made him feel so much more scared. Because he didn't know all of what Karkat was feeling, and he didn't want him to be angry at him.

But then he remembered that they were both having the same feelings, and... hesitantly, nervously, he reached his hand out. It was shaking, but he didn't stop. His hand went up to Karkat's upper arm, where he put it gently against it, staring at Karkat.]

C-Can we... b-be confused a-and...try and and get, not confused t-together, Karkat? [His voice was shaking, and he was stuttering more than he ever had in his life.]

Edited 2012-04-20 09:38 (UTC)

[Feeling Tavros's hand touch his arm, Karkat felt his stomach drop a little, spiraling down, down into a pit of ice he didn't know had been sitting there. He wanted to throw up and...so many emotions were running through him right now. He didn't know how to handle them all.

At the other boy's question, he licks his lips a little, staring down at him before feeling his cheeks flush a little more. Jeez, you'd think he was being proposed to or something.]

Yeah. We can...do that.

[Relief pretty much crashed over Tavros like a wave. He had Karkat. He had a rock. An anchor. He wasn't alone in this, and they could do this together and everything would be okay. Or least, he hoped so. He really hoped so. Just knowing that he had someone, though, was a big comfort despite how terrifying the whole thing was.

But then he remembered something again that brought him crashing back to reality, stomach churning in awful ways until he was ready to throw up too. Oh god, he'd been so stupid. So absolutely stupid and caught up in his own... feelings and he was forgetting the feelings of someone very important. Oh god.]

Feferi! Oh god. [His voice was as terrified as he felt. Which, was nothing new. But there was more to it. He sounded guilty, as if he'd just committed the single blackest sin in the entire world.] Oh, god. She's...sh-she's going to hate me. Oh god. I'm sorry, I...I wasn't thinking! I-I...I... she's going to hate me. I'm, a terrible person, oh god... I...what do I- we- Karkat...! [Help, he's panicking.]

[Oh. That had been why there was ice in his stomach. He'd forgotten about Feferi for a moment. But he still meant what he'd said before. Reaching out, he placed his hand over Tavros's mouth before pressing a finger to his lips, making a shooshing noise with his throat. He waited for a moment to speak, closing his eyes.]

I'll talk to her. We haven't really done anything since Easter when her nanny died, but she has a home now, so she has other people to help her through it. I'll help her too, but I think I should do it as a friend. I won't tell her about this being the reason, though.

[He pauses.] It's...probably better nobody knows. Then we won't have people trying to confuse us more.

[Tavros was quiet for a while even after Karkat spoke. Guilt continued to swarm inside of Tavros like an angry swarm of bees. Feferi was his friend, and she'd stuck up for him so much and gone through everything she did... and then he was doing this to her. Whatever it was. It just kind of vague, and he didn't... really know what this was, but he had a sort of idea, kind of. Or a hope. He just didn't really know. But either way, it was clear that Karkat was breaking up with Feferi, and that it was partly Tavros's fault. And he felt awful.

But on some level he was selfish, because he didn't want to stop Karkat, afraid that if he did, that Karkat wouldn't help him through it. That they wouldn't still do this together. He felt absolutely horrible about it, and he wanted to cry again.]

O-Okay... [Again, he was quiet for a few seconds, and he fought to hold back tears.] I...I f-feel like such a bad friend. A-And... I've never k-kept secrets, like this before...ever.

[Karkat felt terrible too. It mightn't have been much of a problem if he hadn't made a fool of himself in front of the entire school at the match. Feferi was nice, a good friend, but there had been some part of him that kept incessantly bullying him about what he really felt. It had been there with Jade too. His brain was constantly on overdrive at night, which resulted in many nights without sleep even after he'd seen the potion's professor about a sleeping potion or at least something to make him relax.

Watching Tavros, he brought his hand up again, fingers wiping gently under the other boy's eyes.]

You're not. If she's gonna be mad at anyone it's gonna be me and only me, okay? [He paused, tilting his head before looking back at Tavros.] It's easy, but maybe that's just me because I keep everything secret.

[Tavros closed his eyes as Karkat wiped at his tears. He shuddered a little, face turning pink. This was new and so different, and it gave him a weird feeling in his stomach that didn't exactly feel horrible. It was almost like a swarm of butterflies was trying to fight away the bees of guilt.]

I...but, it's my f-fault. I can't let you, t-take all the blame... I-I would be, even more of a bad friend.

[His own stomach was swimming, but mostly with nerves instead of butterflies. What if he was doing this wrong? What if he was wrong? His head was starting to hurt with the confusion. He shook his head, placing his hand on top of Tavros's.]

None of this is your fault, dude, so stop thinking it is. I've been feeling like I kinda forced her into something for a while now.

[Tavros's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and mild disbelief and he shook his head.] N-No, this is... definitely my fault, for... having these dreams, and, getting confused... A-and I think, it just... s-seems like, I made you confused too. [He hesitated, before continuing.] I...also, don't think you, um, forced F-Feferi into anything? Because she's, not the kind of...p-person, who could easily, be forced into things... So, I don't think that you did.

I was already confused to begin with. [He rubbed a finger under his nose, shifting a little in his spot.] I guess my first kiss being with Gamzee didn't help much. [Karkat bit his bottom lip, chewing it lightly in worry.] I pretty much told the whole school she was my girlfriend during last month's match, man. I guess...I dunno, it just kinda seemed like I was forcing her into something.

[He let out a small sigh. He still felt like it was his fault, but if Karkat insisted that it wasn't, he didn't want to argue. Instead, he guessed he would just move on to the Feferi situation. Even though he... didn't know what to even say.]

I...I think if, she... didn't want i-it, she would've been m-mad and, said no... So, uh, I don't think it's your, fault or anything. [As he spoke, he realized his words were only making him feel guiltier because they were going to break up. Oh god, he felt so bad. He didn't know what else to say though, because he didn't want Karkat to feel bad over something that wasn't true! Even if it made Tavros feel so guilty.]

[He still didn't know about that. Sometimes Feferi was too nice. She mightn't have been able to find the words to shoot him down. He crossed his arms a little, leaning back against the table.]

Either way it's not your fault. [He paled a little as a sudden thought occurred to him.] Shit. Ampora's gonna kill me.

[At Karkat's statement, ice flooded Tavros's stomach. Oh god, he... he hadn't thought about that. And if he'd been comforted by Karkat telling him it still wasn't his fault, that went out the window.]

O-Oh...I, didn't... I-I didn't think, about that. [He drew in a shaky breath. Because the more he thought about it...the more he felt, a little protective, like... he didn't want anything like that to happen to Karkat. It kind of bubbled up in him in weird, confusing ways. He ended up speaking before he could stop himself.]

N-No... Uh, I won't, let him do that..

If he wasn't going to kill me for calling Fef my girlfriend he's definitely going to kill me now for dumping her.

[Karkat ran a hand through his hair, swearing under his breath. Eridan wouldn't let him go quietly for this. The Slytherin would keep hounding him about it until either they dueled or something happened. His head snapped up a little at Tavros's words, staring at him before shaking his head.]

Don't. I'd hate myself if you got hurt. Y'know, more than usual. Hate myself, I mean. [He rubbed the bridge of his nose.] I'll deal with Eridan.

[Tavros let out a small sigh of frustration and fear. Why did this have to be so complicated? Why couldn't it just be easy... why couldn't they just work on not being confused, why did there have to be other things to worry about? Why was everything just so hard?]

But, w-we're... [the word stuck in his throat, but he forced it out,] t-t-together... Wh-which means, I mean, I think...it means, we're supposed to, help each other a-and... stuff.

[He blinked at the other boy before a small smile flickered and he let out a 'heh'. Karkat leaned away from the table, rubbing the back of his neck.]

Here I am, the so-called relationships expert, and I keep forgetting it's a two way street.

[A brighter shade of red creeped across Tav's face at Karkat's statement. He'd. called it a relationship. He'd actually, finally, verbally confirmed that... it was a thing... Which did so many funny things to Tavros's stomach. Up until then, it had all been vague. Together could've meant a lot of things. But. He'd called it a relationship. And... and Tavros wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that.

But what he was feeling wasn't... bad. He was scared, but... but being with Karkat made it easier, and less scary. So much less scary. Surprisingly less scary. And even though he was scared, he... he was starting to feel happy. And relieved. And did he mention happy? Because happiness was definitely welling up inside of him. He couldn't help but smile a little, face absolutely red.

He wanted to speak, to say something, but he didn't even know what to say. He just stared up at Karkat, telling him with his eyes that he was definitely there, and that... that they could do this, together.]

[Karkat still wasn't exactly sure about what this thing was, but calling it a relationship seemed to be...appropriate. It seemed right at least. He wondered a little bit if he was being a bad person with Feferi but he was honestly confused. He'd never had anyone to really show him how a relationship worked and even then he knew all relationships weren't like what happened in romcoms.

So what if it turned out he was gay? Was that really going to hurt anyone? He didn't think it would at least. There was still so much he didn't know about everything to do with having relationships with people, but he was a teenager. It was pretty much law that he was allowed to experiment, right?

Right?

When Tavros looked up at him, his stomach flipped, rotating with nausea all of a sudden. But a...good kind of nausea? It was hard to explain really. He let a small smile quirk, a little on the shy and unsure side. This was going to be strange but it was something they could do...together.

That seemed okay.]

[Tavros just kind of stared at him for a few long seconds, that weird feeling in his stomach not going away. All things considered, he felt a lot better than he'd had earlier. Looking Karkat in the face, knowing they were in this together, it was just... very comforting.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was aware that he kind of... wanted to- no, oh god, no he didn't have the courage to do that. It was way too scary. He decided to just push that thought to the furthest reaches of his brain. He hadn't leaned in a little or anything.

Except yes, he had a little. But he pulled back, face flushed.]

S-So...homework...?

Edited 2012-04-21 00:40 (UTC)

[He noticed Tavros lean forward a little but didn't say anything about it, rather just kind of blinking. He didn't know what to do. Should he lean in? But Tavros pulled back before he could and he rubbed the back of his neck a little awkwardly.]

Oh...yeah, that shit.

[06]

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