NINE ♋

[selfhatred]

HEY, MAKA, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S MY TURN WITH OUR EGG?
YOU'VE BEEN HOGGING IT ALL WEEK WHEN WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RAISING THIS LITTLE SHIT TOGETHER.
WHAT PART OF PARTNER PROJECT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Comments

[selfhatred]

WHAT ARE YOU, AN ASSHOLE?
WE WERE GIVEN AN ASSIGNMENT TO RAISE A FUCKING DRAGON EGG WITH A PARTNER.
A LOT OF US WERE.

[givesyouaboner]

No, although technically I have one.
So dragons are real too.
Cool.
That sounds like a stupid assignment though.
Does it make you want to be Teen Mom?

[selfhatred]

TELL THAT TO DUMBLEDORE.
DRAGONS ARE REAL BUT THEY'RE NOT REAL DRAGON EGGS.
THESE ONES ARE GONNA BE TOYS.
AND UGH. NO, TEEN MOM IS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES? NOW THERE'S GOOD DRAMA.

[givesyouaboner]

Which one is he again?
I forgot. All of these wizard names are weird.
What's the point of raising dragon eggs if they aren't real?
Gosh, that's so lame. I can't even.
Eh, to be honest, Mob Wives is better.

[selfhatred]

THE HEADMASTER.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD START WRITING THEM DOWN.
A REAL DRAGON WOULD PROBABLY BURN THE FUCKING SCHOOL DOWN ONCE IT WAS FULL GROWN.
NOW YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
WHAT'S BETTER THAN SUBURBAN HOUSEWIVES PRETENDING TO BE NORMAL WHILE THEY TRY TO COVER UP A MURDER?

[givesyouaboner]

Oh.
It's not like I even go there yet, so it doesn't even matter.
Do they look like the ones in Shrek?
Or Eragon?
I remember seeing those when I was little.
Nothing is better. Except maybe the Jersey Shore.
Especially now that Snooky's knocked up and Mike is sober.

[selfhatred]

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE. THEY'RE NOT EXACTLY NUMBER ONE ON THE FRIENDLY MAGICAL CREATURES LIST.
UGH, WAY TO BE A WALKING SPOILER.
SERIOUSLY? MIKE'S FUCKING SOBER?
LET'S SEE HOW LONG THAT LASTS BEFORE A PLOT DEVICE COMES ALONG TO MAKE HIM START DRINKING AGAIN.

[givesyouaboner]

It would be pretty lame if they were all like How to Train Your Dragon.
Really.
It's been all over the internet and news for ages now.
How did you not know?
He just got out of rehab.

[selfhatred]

MAGICAL SCHOOL.
NO FUCKING INTERNET.
MY UNCLE ALSO DOESN'T HAVE A TV OR COMPUTER SO IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN KEEP UP.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE LOCAL LIBRARY EVERY TIME I WANT TO WATCH SOMETHING.

[givesyouaboner]

Oh man your life sucks.
I have my own laptop, and my uncle has a huge tv and an xbox.
Nothing is ever boring.

[selfhatred]

YOU KIDS ARE SO FUCKING PRIVILEGED THESE DAYS.
WAIT, WHY AM I TALKING LIKE I'M FUCKING OLD?
ANYWAY, JOHN'S GETTING ME A DVD PLAYER FOR MY BIRTHDAY SO IT'S NOT LIKE EVERYTHING SUCKS.

[givesyouaboner]

I got an iPhone for my birthday in December.
What I needed was a new handy.
Are you jelly?
Do you have any dvds, though?
It's pointless otherwise.

[selfhatred]

THE ENTIRE SERIES OF FRESH PRINCE
ALL OF WILL SMITH'S MOVIES
SERENDIPITY
50 FIRST DATES
TWILIGHT
IF I LISTED EVERYTHING WE'D BE HERE FOREVER.
SO I'LL JUST LIST A FEW GEMS FROM MY COLLECTION.

[givesyouaboner]

Whoa whoa wait.
You consider Twilight a gem?
Other than that, cool.
I have a lot of movies too.
My dad used to make them.

[selfhatred]

HAVE YOU EVER EVEN WATCHED OR READ IT?
OF COURSE IT'S A GEM!
YEAH? WHAT'S HIS NAME?
MAYBE I'VE SEEN A FEW.

[givesyouaboner]

I tried, but I couldn't even watch it ironically without gagging.
His movies are pretty famous.
David Strider.
Have you heard of him?

[selfhatred]

STRIDER?
WAIT
FUCK

[givesyouaboner]

Yeah.
That's my surname.
And my father's.

[selfhatred]

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE TO GODDAMN BREED?

[givesyouaboner]

I'm not following you.
I have no offspring to speak of.

[selfhatred]

I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THREE STRIDERS NOW.
GREAT.
THIS IS FAN FUCKING TASTIC.

[givesyouaboner]

Do you know my uncles?
What do you have against them?

[selfhatred]

I'D LIST EVERYTHING BUT THAT'D TAKE TOO GODDAMN LONG.

[givesyouaboner]

This is all news to me.
Dave and Uncle Dirk are two of the nicest people I know.

[selfhatred]

YOUR IDEA OF NICE IS A LITTLE SKEWD, KID.
TL;DR I HATE YOUR UNCLES.