Three Smuppets

[plushaeusrumpified]

right so.
it kinda looks like i fucked up last time i used this thing.
a lot.
alright listen up.
i was gonna do this through all kinda of filters and shit.
but then i decided im just gonna fucking lay it all out right here to everyone.
i dont fucking care who sees.
because everybody saw my massive pissy bitchstorm.
and you know what?
no i dont fucking expect this to fix a goddamn thing.
i dont even expect it to fix one thing.

anyway.

first serket.
vriska i mean.
im really sorry for what i said.
that shit was fucked up and you didnt deserve any of it.
it sounds like your mom was pretty fucking awesome.
way better than mine.
i shouldnt have ever said anything bad about her.
specially not when you were just trying to help.
which i just wanna say i appreciate the shit out of you for trying to do that.
even if i was a huge gaping asshole bigger than the goatse man himself.
anyway i just really feel like shit for doing that to you and im sorry.
you dont have to forgive me.
you dont even have to say a fucking word.
but just know im really fucking sorry.

vantas...es
and karkat.
mostly karkat.
dude im sorry for that shit.
that was so fucking out of line.
look just because you do the shit you do doesnt make you less of a man.
it doesnt mean youre gay.
i was just being a dick and im sorry.
and im really sorry about your mom.
and about everything i said about her.
im really sorry.
like i said to vriska i dont expect you to say anything.
its fine.

[Despite the fact he decided not to filter anything, the next two sentences are filtered. Because he knows if Dave saw them, he would think things he shouldn't. So this is filters to Di and Sal.]

and to the other vantases (i dont know your names).
youre better parents than i could ever fucking be.

[/end filter]

banks.
im sorry that your brother is a cripple
wait. no. fuck.
im sorry for saying hes a cripple.
i mean even though he is.
what i fucking mean is im sorry for dragging him into the shit.
that wasnt cool at all and im sorry for the shit i said about him.
i know i fucked up and i know youre pissed as fuck about it.
but im sorry.

basically im just.
sorry to everybody.
i fucked up.
end of story.
i dont expect anyone to forgive me.
i wouldnt forgive myself.
but yeah there it all is.
peace.

Comments

[selfmakeout]

Dave. You should not be ignoring him like that! He is a teacher!

[So Bro sort of really creeps her out, but he's still authority!]

[selfhatred]

[Karkat's lips quirk a little.]

What's the matter? Davey too scared he's going to get into trouble?

[clockspinner]

Hardly. I'll get into more trouble if he finds out I'm the one that did that.

Wanna go over for me again why my force-feeding you a knuckle sandwich invalidates Bro's apology? Last I checked, we're not the same person.

[selfmakeout]

[Jade will wait patiently for Karkat's answer this time, rather than interjecting. But she's still keeping an eye on both of them to make sure they don't spring at each other.]

[selfhatred]

Because I was considering taking it when you came and punched me! You didn't even give me the right to change my fucking mind before you fucking assaulted me! It's like I don't even have a fucking option!

[clockspinner]

EXCUSE ME? Sure as fuck didn't seem to me like you were thinking about accepting his apology! I'm not even saying you have to accept it, I'm just saying that if you don't, then you shouldn't fucking keep running your goddamn mouth about it! How the fuck would you feel, to be told that an apology's not fucking good enough?

[selfhatred]

La madre que te parió! [If Karkat sounded furious, that's because he was.] I've always had to apologize! I've always been told that it's not fucking good enough! How would you feel if your dad came home one day and said 'that's not good enough, son, you should be more of a fucking man'?!

[clockspinner]

[Dave snarled and yanked down the collar of his shirt, stretching out the neck of his robe to reveal a very thin, nearly-faded scar that went down further under his robes, a neat slice all the way across his chest.]

I was raised with a more hands-on approach to those lessons, shitface. How about I give you one!? [cue him diving for Karkat again, tackling him against the table.]

[selfmakeout]

[The second he moved, Jade was after him--tugging on his collar to pull him back and grabbing the front of Karkat's shirt to make sure he didn't unexpectedly spring.]

I told both of you to stop fighting!

[Then, with a hard YANK she pulls Karkat forward, smashing his forehead against Dave's.]

Why does nobody listen to me around here!! [She lets go of Karkat, but is still holding onto Dave to keep him steady.] I am so sorry about this, Karkat, I will try to make sure it won't happen again. [She then lifts Dave up and puts him over her shoulder, nodding insistently.] If it is okay with you, I will be taking Dave up to the Hospital Wing now.

[selfhatred]

[Karkat hadn't been expecting Dave to leap at him. That had been a pretty low blow but it's not like he understood the relationship between Bro and Dave. Still, his momentary surprise was cut short when Jade pulled him forward and bonked their heads together. Karkat stumbled back and slumped against the table he'd nearly been tackled against, rubbing his head as he swore under his breath.

When she spoke he simply looked away before grabbing his books and absconding first, leaving the library without so much as a word.]

[clockspinner]

[Dave barely had time to stagger back before he was heaved over Jade's shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and he tensed up, ignoring the pain throbbing in his head. When Karkat retreated, he snorted and spat a thick loogie at his retreating back. He then sulkily resigned himself to his position on Jade's shoulder.]

I don't need to go to the hospital wing.

[selfmakeout]

Of course you do, head trauma is very serious! You do not have to worry, Dave, I will carry you safely there.

[clockspinner]

Jade. Put me down.

[uh-oh, he's sulking.]

[selfmakeout]

Okaaaay.

[Ground, meet Dave Strider.

This is Jade with her hands behind her back like a schoolgirl sent up to the office.]

I'm sorry, Dave.

[clockspinner]

[Dave straightens his robes, mainly making sure that his collar is back in place to hide the scar across his chest. He doesn't look up to her at first, straightening his shades and pushing them up the bridge of his nose.]

...Nah. You probably saved me from getting into a fuckton of trouble. I oughta thank you.