three ♓ voice;

[quasistellar]

[You may want to cover your ears for this one, folks. Professor Constance Peixes is angry. She is very angry. She hasn't sent a Howler, but this might as well be one going out to the entire faculty and student body.]

I am absolutely appalled at the degree of inappropriate subject matter that our students are currently discussing in their journals. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, and particularly so for discussing it with incoming first-years. Mr. Makara and Mr. Kishitani, you both have a month's detention, beginning on the first day of fall term. Mr. Makara, for writing the entry in question, and Mr. Kishitani, for encouraging the discussion, particularly among the younger students.

What in Merlin's name were you thinking? This isn't a 'friendly discussion about biology', this was getting students to discuss matters of a highly personal and private nature! And at the ages of eleven, twelve, and thirteen!

AND MY DAUGHTER AMONG THOSE STUDENTS!

You continued arguing about it being perfectly all right to discuss touching oneself after some of the younger girls said they weren't comfortable with it! They were right to think that their mothers wouldn't want to see them in the middle of a discussion like that, because they don't!

To the rest of you: I highly recommend you think before you write a journal entry discussing a topic of a sexual nature, and frankly, I discourage you from doing so.

Comments

[wwhatevver]

[....]

There.

There might be?

[wwistful]

You have five seconds before I leave you to suffer through puberty alone, Eridan.

Say it.

[wwhatevver]

[WOW REALLY.]

... How do I surwiwe puberty.

[wwistful]

That is an extremely broad question, Eridan. We could be here hours.

[wwhatevver]

I thought that would be an easy question to answer.

[wwistful]

There's a lot more to puberty than you seem to believe, lad. Hair, hormones, awkward dreams...

[wwhatevver]

Alright let me just dissect some stuff that you brought up.

Like the hair.

[pause.]

It's not gonna get bad right...?

[wwistful]

Well. Err..

[Yes. Eridan. Your dad has a carpet chest and you're part Greek. You are doomed. You are doomed to a life of hair.]

You can always wax.

[wwhatevver]

That sounds so painful.

[He's seriously not looking forward to growing up wow.]

[wwistful]

Beauty is pain. Try pluckin' your eyebrows.

[Snort.] You'll get used to it. Or get used to bein' hairy. You could be like the Grandpas down the road. They don't wear jackets in winter, you know.

[wwhatevver]

So that's why it takes girls like a million hours to get ready for stuff? [Casually... wincing.] Which is the least painful option?

[Ooh. That got his attention.] ... I'll take... gettin' waxed ower that any day.

[wwistful]

Yes. Though girls tend to be less hairy. You're unfortunate in that regard. Both sting. Waxing takes less time.

Are you certain?

[wwhatevver]

... Girls can be just as hairy too, what. [Ew. Ew. Look at this face, this is an 'ew' face.] I. Guess I'd be alright with waxin' then.

Yes? A little bit of hair's alright but I don't wanna look like a sasquatch.

[wwistful]

Not as hairy. Not generally, anyway.

Hair is a measure of man, son. Your old man is hairy and he doesn't wax. [Anymore.]

[wwhatevver]

[Visible shudder at the very thought of a hairy woman. Oh Eridan you are truly a fourteen year old.]

Why does it hawe to be? That's a really dumb measure to be honest. ... And also yeah but you're not sasquatch lewel.

[wwistful]

[He shrugs.]

Real men can go joggin' in winter without a sweater? S'lotta unanswered questions about what it is to be a man, lad.


That's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

[wwhatevver]

Those men are men that I striwe to be in a way. Though they're not as great as the ones I know already, plus I mean, there's more to physical features of bein' a man, right? I mean. That's... what I'we gathered from like books an' stuff.

You know I lowe you dad, ewen if you're a hairy man. Just be thankful you're not a real gross an' hairy man, or else I might not.

[wwistful]

Personally I find historical figures to be an excellent measure of man, but you already knew that. I suppose it doesn't really matter what you look like, it's just important to always do what you think is right and to strive for perfection. Somethin' like that.

I'm touched, really. Maybe some day someone else will love me because I'm not as gross as some other men, maybe they'll even love me for my hair.

[Hair ruffle] You're a good boy, Eridan. I love you too.