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005

It isn't normal for a stuffed snake to suddenly animate and attempt to crush your siblings, is it?

I'm rather sure I didn't make it do that.

[The above is scrawled out and messily cross-hatched over after this conversation, though still readable for anyone who's curious enough]

[Filtered to Alfred F. Jones]
I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Chill out, dude! I got it while we were in America and it's perfectly normal.
I just...put a spell on it. before I sent it...
I thought your brothers would probably avoid you if they thought your new toy was going to...
Uh.
Was one of them bothering you, I mean?

Do you have any idea how much trouble you could get into for doing magic outside of school?!

They monitor that kind of thing, you know!

Yeah yeah I know it's just that I thought if I did it out of the country it wouldn't matter as much.

Did it help you any?

It was all I could do to keep father from launching an investigation!

And I'm grounded until school starts. Thanks a lot.

Oh.
I'm sorry...
I just wanted to help. I didn't think it would get you grounded Arthur. I thought it would make your brothers piss off for the rest of the summer.
It wasnt meant to hurt anyone too bad.

You are an absolute moron.
I don't need all you hero-types coming to my rescue like I'm some damsel in distress.

Hey at least I was tryin
Wait.
Hero-types?
Who else was "coming to your rescue?"

[You always call him some version of idiot Arthur so he's ignoring that moron bit.]

That bloody Steve Rogers seems to think that facing down my brothers is a fucking marvellous idea. I'm not entirely sure if he actually saw them going for another kid in Diagon Alley or if he just went after them on principle.

Stupid prick is after getting himself put in hospital.

Well he aint equipped for that sort of shit like I am anyway. He's scrawny...
Anyway look.
I was seriously trying to help okay?
If you want to tell your dad it was me you can. I got in trouble already anyway. Stupid warning. It was just a little magic and it wasnt as if it was that bad.

You could have ended up being expelled from school Alfred.
More to the point so could I.

If you're trying to help you're doing a bloody awful job of it.

I didn't mean for that to happen.
I'm sorry I got you grounded.
I'm really sorry.

[There's a long pause before Alfred gets a response]

I suppose it was kind of funny.

[Alfred's pretty much given up on the conversation, so the response is a surprise.]

What even happened? Do you mind me asking?

Phineas was.. being Phineas, and the bloody thing just shot at him and wrapped around his leg. He fell over and cracked his head open on the door handle.

Took them twenty minutes to get it off him.

I'm keeping it.

Better his head than yours I'd say! That was kind of the point, anyway. I mean so long as he doesn't go and die or anything.

If you are going to keep it though, bring it to school. I did a really bad job on it, so it might not work again. Maybe I can fix it while we're at Hogwarts.

He won't die. He might act like he's dying though.

Are you actually asking me to bring a toy with a possibly botched charm on it into school with me? I've already had Professor Coulson warning me about it.

Oh come on, it's not that bad. Its more like it was a weak charm. Its probably worn off by now.

I'm sure Professor Coulson wouldn't mind if I was "practicing" on an inanimate object. It's practice.

~~Maybe next time I'll make sure that it'll give your brother a reason to think he's dying~~

I can be more careful this time.

I'll think about it.

Cool!
That being said...
Dude. Would your brother actually whine about a crack upside the head? Because I thought he was a grown-ass man. A wizard man. Not a bitch. =P

He's eighteen, and there was a lot of blood.

...Oops. Sorry man. I mean I still think he deserved it but all the same I hope he'll be okay. I dont want to kill him.
I just.
You know.
Think its a comeuppance to someone who's been pickin on you for so long really.

I'll be sure to remember you said that.

...Okay?

[It takes him a minute...then he kind of clues in.]

Oh well that's not to say I don't deserve some comeuppance I guess?

As soon as I've decided what I'm going to do to you, I'll let you know.

Or not.

Man come on you'd tell me right?
Right?

005

[FINE FILTERED JEEZ CALM DOWN]

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