(no subject)

[clockspinner]

what i did over my summer vacation
by dave strider



pictured here is the sweetass party that i threw while the professors were all away
of course bro wasnt mad i can get away with murder
besides no one died or ended up bleeding that badly




guess where bro took me as a reward
thats right suckers i got to go to knockturn alley
and not only that but



i got this cool thing
its a beaver fetus
its super tiny look at it isnt it adorable oh my god
from the moment i saw it i knew it was mine
and only five sickles too

i did other shit too but
i wanted to show off my beaver fetus

Comments

[cantfightthisfire]

You just admitted to listening to shitty country music and shitty rap music all in one sentence. And you're too damn obsessed with your ass.

But can we actually go back to talking about the thing that's interesting?

[clockspinner]

actually i just admitted to having a basic knowledge of pop culture synonyms for booty
booty booty booty booty rockin errywhere

what thing thats interesting
my beaver fetus

[cantfightthisfire]

Oh my god shut up about your ass for one fucking minute. Yes, the beaver fetus. I wanna hear more about Knockturn Alley.

[clockspinner]

sounds like someone suffers from baseboard booty disease
got a bad case of the jellies

ok ok fine what else dyou wanna hear

[cantfightthisfire]

[Remind her again why she's tolerating you.]

The only thing jelly in this situation is your ass.

I don't know. Just... What was it like? Were there dark wizards there? Was it actually dangerous, or is that just people being retarded and trying to scare the first year idiots?

[clockspinner]

i mean on the one hand it didnt really seem that bad
the people there werent like creeping around like they wanted to touch my nono place
on the other hand bro made me stick pretty close to him the whole time
and he didnt want me touching things in the shops until after hed checked them for dark magic
so its like
it didnt seem that dangerous
but bro was there so i knew nothing bad could possibly happen

[cantfightthisfire]

If he was paranoid then that actually says a lot about the place, to be honest.

[Dumbass shades aside, even she has to give Bro his credit.]

It's good to know there aren't pedos there at least.

I dunno I kind of wanna go there next summer, but... [But she's heard a lot about it, and she's a little nervous to be perfectly honest. She doesn't have a bro willing to protect her.] I just wasn't sure if it was actually worth my time or not.

[clockspinner]

it probably also says something that dirk didnt come with

i mean if you wanna go its totally worth it
but you might wanna take someone with you
general stranger danger rules yknow

[cantfightthisfire]

Yeah. He's your brother too, isn't he? Striders everywhere, man. I can't keep track of all you guys.

Pretty sure I'm gonna have to end up going alone.

[clockspinner]

yep sure is
he just got sorted this year
actual first year dirk strider

idk if thats a good idea if you cant apparate yet

[cantfightthisfire]

Oh yeah, he was one of the kids the hat took a while on. I didn't think it would ever end and I was getting hungry.

I either go alone or I don't go at all because there's nobody to go with. And it's not like I really need anyone anyway. I can take care of myself.

[clockspinner]

the hats taken a while on every strider far as i know
then again knowing bro was a perfect angel child in school it probably didnt even have to touch his head
its just me and dirk who are problem children

sucks for you then

[cantfightthisfire]

Somehow I seriously doubt he was anything near an angel, you're giving him too much credit.

Yeah, whatever.

[clockspinner]

how do you know you didnt go to school with him
sure seems like he was perfect from everything ive heard
have you seen how many trophies in the trophy room have his name on them
spoiler alert the dirk strider with all the bling bling aint the 11 year old

[cantfightthisfire]

I'm just saying, looking at him now, it's hard to ever picture him being anything close to an angel. He's too...

Himself.

[clockspinner]

back up the hate train cause you did not just imply that bro wasnt born to a chorus of angels
he came rapping out the womb and left a rainbow vapor trail from his moms crusty vag
and then flew out of the room and roundhouse kicked chuck norris in the face before the doc even cut his umbilical cord
walker texas ranger?
more like needs a walker texas ranger

[cantfightthisfire]

Wow.

Everything was fine up until you gave me the mental image of a crusty vag, and then it was just like... Could you get anymore fucking nasty?

Anyway, calm the fuck down, I wasn't hating on him, for fuck's sake. Hang up your goddamn white armor before I stab your fucking horse. I didn't mean it as an insult.

[clockspinner]

you dont know the old bitch
everything about her is crusty
bro is the diamond she squeezed out of her frigid cooter

hey
hey
there will be no equine abuse up in here
you might trigger my sister

[cantfightthisfire]

Okay, you're still fucking gross, but. She's starting to sound like my mom, so I can ignore that.

You have a sister? Jesus, just how many siblings do you even have?

[clockspinner]

only one sibling technically and thats rose
but we have a surprisingly big ohana
that means family
family means no one gets left behind

[cantfightthisfire]

[... Don't. Just don't. Because... No.]

So I saw you mention shrunken heads to Katniss. What kinda of shit did they say?

[clockspinner]

meh they were fairly benign
also all tribal ululations and shit
i couldnt understand them for shit
their mouths being sewn shut probably didnt help

[cantfightthisfire]

Alright, I'm getting one and hanging it on mum's bedpost. Maybe it'll keep the dickheads away.

Maybe it'll keep her away too, but I doubt I'll get so lucky.

Not here

[plushaeusrumpified]

Not here

[clockspinner]