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Orangina has a problem right now.
She kind of accidentally two tails and she's really confused. She keeps chasing after one of her tails in one direction, then the other touches her opposite side and she starts running around in the other direction.
Is getting "too dizzy" a thing for cats? She hasn't bumped into anything so I don't think she'll get brain damage.

_{[He was doing his homework when he contemplated what it would be like for monkeys to have two prehensile tails. Orangina isn't a monkey but she was the closest animal around. Oops.]}

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That wouldn't really be beneficial to either of us, Uncle Dirk.

_{[He pauses.]}

Professor Donoghue told me you didn't know how to swim either.

I-

[Oh... shit.

Okay.]

That was a misunderstanding...

I wasn't supposed to say anything, but it's okay. I mean, you're pretty much like a superhero. It's okay to have weaknesses.

[Oh Jesus Christ no.

He didn't want to tell him the truth. That much he was certain of. But goddamn his pride just wasn't going to let that be a thing that Dirk thought.]

Dirk I can swim just goddamn fine, seriously. I can prove it right now by going and jumping in the lake.

_{[This makes Dirk's eyes widen.]}

Don't be reckless!

I've been able to swim since I was like five!

[He brings his hands up to massage his temples, shaking his head slightly. This wasn't going in the direction he wanted it toooooo.

It wasn't that he wanted to hide things from Dirk, it was just. He didn't even know what he and Murdoc were. Or were going to be. If it was going to be any goddamn thing.

Did he want it to be? Yes. Was it going to be? He had no idea. Fuck it all.]

It's complicated.

_{[Dirk is quiet for even longer this time. He's fumbling over a response because he's so confused and he's not sure how feels about that at all.]}

Then why would you lie about that?

It's like I just said, it's complicated.

[And he knows that isn't a proper answer and that it'll only make Dirk more curious. Or worse, sad that he won't talk to him about it. Ugh, fuck. Fuck this situation sideways, it was never meant to be about him.]

Because... I dunno, I wanted to get to know him better? It seemed easier than inviting him over for tea and crumpets.

You don't like tea and crumpets.

Why didn't you just tell him you wanted to hang out? Discuss lessons or whatever teachers talk about?

Because...

[Because ugh he can't say that's why.]

Because I'm a manipulative bastard who can't be frank with somebody so I had to go around my elbow to get to my ass instead of just telling the truth.

[Relevant to so many things right now.]

That seems really dumb if you're just trying to make friends with someone.

_{[He shrugs.]}

But I don't really know how I even got the friends I have so my opinion on it really isn't valid.

[See now there's something he can grasp onto. There's something that can swaaay the subject away from him and his fucked up excuse for a romantic life.]

Excuse me, but that's some bullshit. I know exactly how you got the friends you have. By being your goddamn awesome sugoi as fuck self, that's how. You think anyone would be friends with you if you were at maximum awesomeocity? Nope. So it's all on you, bro. You're the cool kid, it is you.

I really don't think that's the case. I'm not that cool. If anything it's just a matter of fortunate circumstances. Because then I would've had friends at my old school, but I never did there. Not that I tried. Because the kids there were just kind of dumb and I inherently hated them. But then I wonder if it actually wasn't that, considering I was going to a private school and they were supposedly smart too. Maybe I just inherently disliked them.

But I think this is straying from what we were talking about.

[Nope. Nope he's just going to disregard that last bit.]

See the thing is though, that was an uppity private school with a bunch of dumbass stick in the mud nerds. It's like you said, you hated them. They weren't even worthy of you. But here there are actually some cool people. Not as cool as us, but they're cool enough to realize you're cool. Which makes them worthy of being your friends. Not like the shitheads at your old school.

Does what I'm saying make any sense? I mean it's just basic cool rules and shit.

This is a good argument, or it would be, if I was actually cool. The thing about this place is everyone already knows you and Dave so my coolness is by association only.

I don't mind that, it just makes that statement you made incorrect.

Dude, I was here maybe... fuck. A month before you even came? They didn't have time to see how awesome I am. And okay yeah, Dave's been here a while but I honestly don't think you're riding the coattails of his coolness, man. Any friends you have are purely from your own awesome, not his. Definitely not mine.

Because spoiler alert; everyone hated me when I get here.

Edited 2012-09-30 05:18 (UTC)

_{[Okay, you got him with that argument. Time to turn that right back around.]}

Why would anyone hate you?

[He doesn't mind, so long as he's actually talking about shit that isn't his feelings for Murdoc.

Well okay, he does kind of mind. It's a shitty memory. He's glad he's managed to turn things around for himself, but still. It sucks remembering how bad it used to be.]

Because I made a really shitty first impression, and then I said some stuff I shouldn't have and it pissed off a lot of people. I definitely wasn't acting cool, that's for sure.

Is that why it's so important for you to make Professor Donoghue your friend?

[He wanted to facepalm, but he kept himself under control and just responded as casually as he could.]

Why are you so interested in Murdoc and I?

[...Murdoc and I.

Hrrrrgh.]

_{[Should he be frank? Yes. Yes he should.]}

Because you're making a big deal about not wanting to talk about it. Why don't you want to? I've talked to you about friends before.

[Was he... really being that obvious about it? He'd thought he was at least being subtle. Fuck. How was he supposed to answer that?]

I'm not making a big deal about it! I mean- what's there to even talk about?

I don't know. You tell me?

_{[It's sinking in that he won't get an answer so he just shrugs.]}

There isn't a rule saying you gotta tell me.

There's nothing to say except I like him-!

[FUCK. NO. That was- no. No, no, no, that came out completely and totally- fuck it all. Just fuck.

Come on Bro, just come on. Smooth that one over. You're the master of deception and pokerfacing, just.

Fucking come on.]

As a person. Which is why I lied to him so I could get to know him better. It was stupid, but we all make mistakes. It's no big deal. We got over it and we're fine. That's all.

_{[The addendum isn't necessary. Dirk's naive in regards to relationships between adults. Of course, this is only aided by the fact that he hasn't liked anyone in a manner of more than friends only helps. So when Bro makes his accidental confession, Dirk takes it at face value.]}

Ohh, okay. In that case, I hope you become good friends, because I like you both. But don't become best friends because then I think it might hurt Cal's feelings. Second and third place best friends would hurt Dave's feelings, then mine. So he'll have to be fourth place.

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plushaeusrumpified - 2012-09-30 05:56 (UTC) - Expand

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givesyouaboner - 2012-09-30 12:10 (UTC) - Expand

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